Conclusion of After the End: Chapter 19

Conclusion of After the End: Chapter 19

Author's note:

This is chapter seven in the third and final part of my dystopian erotic romance trilogy, titled "After the End." If you're into intense, sexually provocative scenes with a twist of power play, romance in emotionally deep relationships, and unconventional happy endings, then you're in for a treat! These novels are full-length and of professional quality, available for free. Links to the other parts can be found by clicking my user name. I enjoy reading your comments and feedback, which helps me improve my stories.

Caution: This chapter features a character assisting another with past experiences of sexual violence and a character dealing with anxiety and panic. Both are integral to the story, so please bear with me.

Tags: #Bisexual male #Future #Dystopia #Novel #Romantic #Married #Male submissive #Polyamory #Triad

Julian:

One morning after Graham's announcement, I was rudely woken up by a familiar knocking at the door and a pre-dawn runner urgently calling my name. I dressed quickly without giving my brain time to figure out why I was doing so. It could only mean trouble. I heard faint machine-noise and the faint murmuring of other inhabitants in Fort Laurel waking up, and my partners were already mostly clothed when I opened the door to a camouflaged soldier.

"The patrol in Sector 12 just called, sir. They're under fire and have engaged the enemy near Route Four. They're requesting reinforcements."

I nodded briefly. "I'll inform Captain Lansing."

It's well-known in our community that Graham spends most of his nights in our quarters. Avery and Graham were already mostly dressed when I got back. I assigned my husband to organize the guards at Fort Laurel while Julian and I rushed to Third Battalion's base to discuss the situation and coordinate our response to the clash near the border of the land we defend. Patrol members from Bravo and Echo Companies had been helping out there, but except for some aggressive incidents, none had reached the populated areas. The identities of our adversaries were unknown; we'd tried many times to establish contact, but all attempts were met with violence. And our current resident farmers in the area could only tell us that the danger was unexpected.

Mobilizing our forces was quick, but when backup reached the remote woods, the raiders were gone. We set up additional patrols and searched around until the sun set. We managed to find very little by the time we arrived back at our shared home.

Avery offered to cover one of the night guards' shifts. Graham had to report to his superiors. After grabbing a meal in the main hall, I went home alone. I used this opportunity to organize and tidy up a bit while my partners were away. Avery tends to put things down on whatever surface was nearby, regardless of the difficulty in finding them later: I, on the other hand, felt more comfortable when everything was in its place. The fewer items we possessed, the easier it was for me to remember their locations. While putting away his things was more of a challenge because he often used or borrowed mine, I still knew where everything was supposed to be.

With Graham back in our lives, Avery had been paying less attention than usual to optimizing our shared space. Even so, it seemed like our belongings had magically increased. I smoothed out the bedding, neatly folded the extra blankets, and put away various toiletries. I arranged Graham's scattered shirts on their usual pegs by the door. I tidied the boots and moccasins, the books and journals by size on the desk, and the candles on the nightstand. They no longer appeared cluttered; things no longer distracted me.

Avery tries to consider my need for tidiness, but since it doesn't matter to him, he finds it difficult to pay attention to where he puts things each morning and evening. In our tiny room, I mostly took care of the cleaning myself. It was annoying at times, but there was also a sense of relief that he was so calm and unbothered by chaos.

As I arranged my surroundings satisfactorily, I sat down at the desk to write notes in my personal logbook, documenting the current situation at Fort Laurel. The official documents and statistics were stored in the command center, but my notes helped me spot patterns that weren't always evident at a more detailed level. After reading my notes back months later, I often noticed unnoticed details that could be useful for future planning. Also, it assisted in identifying factors affecting our security the most and prioritizing limited resources and workforce.

I was still scribbling my summary of the fight against unknown enemies in the east when Graham knocked and notified me at the door. I didn't anticipate his visit, particularly since he knew Avery would be away for half the night. In the past few weeks, most of our time spent together included the three of us. After witnessing my husband grieve for the captain during November and December, I was content for him to consume most of our new companion's attention.

Despite the late hour, Graham's arrival was unforeseen, especially since he could easily have decided to talk to Avery. His presence disrupted me, and my stomach churned when I saw his recognizable features: the clearly defined jawline, arched eyebrows, and nearly constant hint of a smirk on his lips.

"Hi, Major," he greeted me as he often did, using my title like a personal nickname.

"Hi," I responded, moving to lean against the edge of the desk while he shut the door. He leaned his shoulder against the frame, the defined swells of his chest and crossed arms accentuated by his snug knit sweater. Although I could control my body, I could never replicate the sense of comfort Graham seemed to cultivate in his own.

"Avery's on watch," I mentioned, hoping to reduce tension with a mere statement of fact. But one side of Graham's mouth curved upward, suggesting he saw through my attempt to divert attention to my partner and found it amusing.

"I know. Came to check in with you." His words had little menace, but his flirtatious tone crackled with danger, as if he were standing on a charged wire.

I struggled to think of anything to say, a rarity for me. Luckily, he proceeded to speak afterward.

"It got...a bit heated, last night. If I overstepped..." He trailed off, waiting for my feedback.

"By no means!" I asserted, figuring honesty might prevent further inquisition. "I'm glad you and Avery are so connected. You're a fantastic partner for him."

"Good to hear," he replied, still with a teasing edge.

His eyes continued to inspect my face, and the uneasy sensation grew stronger. What were the boundaries between us?

"Avery's out," I said, but Graham's gaze remained unperturbed.

"I came to check in with you," he stated, and the magnetic attraction in his voice unnerved me. As did his steady scan of my face.

I detested being cornered, so I tried to lighten the mood. "I don't expect you to cherish me as you do him. I understand that I'm not Avery."

It didn't alleviate the unease. He walked towards me, moving deliberately and seductively. No barrier, no gap, and not even air separate us. His reference to my heart amplified my anxiety.

"You have more space than just a corner," I heard myself admitting before second-guessing whether it was a wise decision. When Avery was present, I was better at suppressing my feelings. He adored the captain so much - cherished him, even. He hadn't fully recovered from their separation. I wasn't sure if he'd be envious if...

I left the rest of the sentence unfinished. I wasn't certain how it should conclude.

Graham's voice had a charming tone to it as he spoke, and his eyes seemed to kindle a fiery flame. I was frozen in his magnetic presence, my head even with his as I leaned against the desk. Uncomfortable desires raced invisibly from my gut to my brain. It had been ages since anyone had summoned these forbidden feelings from deep within me. My love for Avery was strong, but it remained confined in a specific direction. My husband didn't see me this way; didn't want to see me this way. Our relationship was built on providing me support when needed, and though he cared for me just as fervently, he lacked the emotional capability to reciprocate.

Graham, however, was an entirely different story. He had successfully handled the challenges we had thrown his way thus far, and I suspected that when it came to me, he had not even scratched the surface of his potential. He had respected my wish for gradual progress in our relationship; no overt attempts to kiss me during sex, and merely limited physical contact. But his nearness, his intense gaze, had me on the verge of losing control.

When our lips met - my hesitant but eager, his determined and intent - a surge of sparks went flying. This awakening he had stirred within me went far deeper than a physical need: it stemmed from unidentified, shadowy depths I had never explored or allowed to see the light of day. Dread and pain lingered in those unexplored crevices, as well as desires I had barely acknowledged within myself. It was safer to contain it all, to live without experiencing the potential benefits, just so I wouldn't have to risk falling prey to them. Graham's kiss, and the strong hand gripping my body, somehow made those risks seem slightly more manageable.

I didn't want to end things, but with tremendous effort I separated our lips enough to speak.

"We haven't broached this subject with Avery yet," I gasped out.

Graham didn't resist me, but he also refused to take his hands away, and his breathing had increased in turn. "Perhaps we should."

"Yes." Soon.

We inhaled and exhaled a few more times, then he leisurely placed a soft, chaste kiss on my lips and moved away slightly, allowing his magnetic field to dissolve. I took in a deep breath and attempted to regain some semblance of composure.

"I don't wish to hinder your time alone," he said in a more casual tone. "But could I stay and just hang out for a bit?"

I considered his goads, but he easily displayed no weapons in his hands by raising them towards me in a peaceful gesture. "I'll keep my distance," he promised. "If you prefer, I can sit on the opposite side of the room. Feel free to send me away if you wish. I merely haven't seen much of you two-on-one lately."

I contemplated this proposal with uncertainty, anxious about his motives, but he laughed and added, "I'll keep my hands off, I promise."

"Alright," I said, feeling a sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. It felt as though I were about to embark on a first date with a newfound crush or, possibly, a third rendezvous. Despite the short time spent alone with Graham since our reconciliation, I had no clue what might unfold.

"You need to finish rewriting your notes?"

I closed the notebook and placed it atop the pile. "Tomorrow works fine."

We eventually moved to the plush bedspread, me situated against the headboard at my customary position and Graham relaxed at the opposite end, lying on his side with an elbow supporting his head. We chatted about less urgent topics: the drastic contrast between Louisiana's winter weather and that of southern California; speculations regarding the identity and motives of the eastern interlopers, and how to deter them; and Rae's most recent scandal - a feud with a council member over a proposal she had presented, after rumors that she had cast aspersions on the member's husband at a private party.

"Rae can get loud when drinking," Graham noted, positioned by my feet. "However, Hector doesn't think she had said anything other than the truth. Cormier's husband made a gesture towards her last month during the wee hours, offering to escort her from the main hall."

"She can hit upon anyone she pleases," I mused. "But her feuds aren't justifiable if it's with the wife of a man who's been overt with her. Cormier has no justification for taking it out on Rae."

"It seems that Captain Larsen, your friend, is prone to making foes, especially among other women. Her mother apparently passed on a considerable load of baggage, and she died before Rae had the chance to unlearn much."

You're a little too confined for her liking. She clicks well with Avery. They had a great act going at the card game the other night - it was hilarious.

"Totally," I simply remarked.

"Did you even attend the event?" Graham kidded back.

"Would you have found it amusing?"

His smile broadened. "Perhaps not."

"Bingo."

"Come on, Julian," he attempted to persuade. "She might be more adventurous than you usually enjoy, but if you two got to know each other, you could discover some common ground. Once she bonds with someone, she's loyal to the end. Look at her and Rowan."

"I don't really require new friends." I poked fun of myself, yet the statement was true.

"Yet she's my friend." Graham tried to persuade. "I want her to see your uniqueness."

Deep inside me, a glimmer of steel sparked in the forge, but I kept my voice even. "Doesn't she trust your judgment?"

He shrugged using the arm he wasn't leaning on, and he seemed to have exposed an actual point of conflict between them. "I think she finds it simpler to recognize why I adore Avery, but why I cherish you is a baffling conclusion for her."

There was a moment of stillness while I appraised my answer. "Perhaps Rae and I share something, after all."

Graham inclined his head toward me, showing off a look of both sympathy and scrutiny. Then he took a seated position, although he didn't advance toward me.

"I've always wondered why you sobriety distance me, yet we mesh well," he said softly. "Do you genuinely doubt my motivations for craving this connection? Or is that something you simply tell yourself to avoid getting more involved?"

My eyes remained steadfast, despite his direct hit. This type of query was not something Avery would typically inquire. I wasn't certain whether to sense nervousness, aggravation, or relief.

"It's no simple task for me...to care about someone," I opted for a compromise.

"You think I don't face the exact same insecurity?" Graham countered.

This time, I shrugged. "Honestly, I've seen no evidence that you're immune."

"Graham," I said quietly, "I know I'm a fairly laid-back person, but my heart is formed from flesh, just like anyone else's. I'll patiently wait for you, yet that doesn't make my desire to be with you any less uncomfortable."

Maybe it was unfair of me, yet this conversation was moving towards dangerous terrain. "Two weeks ago, you aspired to be with Jade."

For a moment, he gazed at me, then he heaved a sigh, immersed with a sense of frustration. "Yes. I fell short. You're holding a grudge for who knows how long, as if I have to convince you that I've never stopped desiring you. 'Get it right, or don't bother turning up tomorrow'," he jabbed mortifiedly. "However, I need to drive home that I've always wanted to share your company, especially after what transpired on your anniversary. I attempted being with Jade since I believed …" He interrupted with a rush of breath. "I imagined it to be a more down-to-earth possibility. But it wasn't any less challenging for me to separate from you either then, now."

A surprising swell of compassion struck me. I had never contemplated that my hesitancy might be generating him pain.

"And while we're discussing this," he continued, "it would be a decent time to mention - not to allocate blame, but just to enhance your comprehension - that if you'd demonstrated interest in a proper relationship with me in the fall, I might not have felt the need to explore elsewhere."

That opportunity I had factored into consideration. It haunted me at night after he and Avery slept: the option I might have prevented his fractured heart, if I'd excluded my self-centred choices. Perhaps neither of them deserved the excuses I maintained.

I inhaled deeply and talked softly, "Just...come here," I requested of Graham, indicating the spot on the quilt next to me.

He hesitated. "Is that truly what you desire?"

"Yes," I sighed again.

He shuffled to align his position with mine at the headboard, allowing his arm and limbs to touch my mine. I adjusted the lamp to the lower end of its ratings, dimming the room's depth and cocooning us within the shadows. The captain took hold of an additional woolen blanket and covered our legs to curb the late-evening chill.

The tender, fragile intimacy began its enveloping. Closeness was more alarming than sexual interaction. He seemed to be waiting for me to speak as I gathered my boldness.

"I wasn't intending to retaliate against you." I shared with Graham. "I just don't know...how to navigate this."

"What should I do?" he questioned, his voice softening too.

"Be with someone other than Avery."

"If you can be with Avery, you can be with me," he suggested - not nagging, but persuading. "And remember, you've been with other people before: Nico, Sala..."

I shook my head. "It's not the same. Even when I started dating Avery, that was over four years ago, under certain conditions. I have...more to lose now, than I did when I was younger. And you're not like my current husband or ex-boyfriends."

Graham contemplated for a moment, then tentatively took my hand that was clutched at my knee. A sudden wave of dread hit my stomach, but I allowed him to link our palms and encase his fingers around mine. As my hand was locked inside his strong yet gentle grasp, an overwhelming warmth surged through my chest, expanding into the entire universe, creating lightness: dizziness and enlightenment on an infinite scale.

"This isn't something you do, Julian. This is an experience we share. I'll be with you along the way, and so will Avery. There's no strict rulebook. All we need to know now is what concerns you."

My throat was parched, yet I didn't want fear to drive us apart. "How can I...cope with being so vulnerable?"

He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "I've already discussed this with your husband, haven't I? I've learned my lesson. I'll never leave."

I shook my head yet again. "It's not solely about you leaving. It's about..." I stopped and took a deep breath. "It's about...being seen. Revealing what I want and feel. Things my husband is unaware of. Things I'm not very fond of."

"Cherie..." The captain uttered his new term of endearment gently, just like I used it with Avery. "I understand. You'll discover those things about me as well, but we won't use them against one another. There might be the occasional misunderstanding or bad day that results in revealing these shared secrets. But mostly, it'll mean I can look after you." Graham eyed my face in the dim lighting. "Don't you want that?"

Massive uncertainties were at play here, well beyond initial dating jitters. I hugged his hand, feeling like a freshly assigned paratrooper ordered to jump out of an airplane over enemy territory, with no map and minimal understanding of the mission. I'd be alone on the ground, surrounded by unknown adversaries while navigating unfamiliar terrain with nothing but a theoretical framework for connecting with my team and achieving our tactical goals.

Anyone who respected their life would feel intense terror in that situation. Troop training focused heavily on camaraderie and bonding to overcome the self-preservation instincts. Refusing to hurl oneself out of the sky would lead to expulsion from the unit, and that knowledge normally facilitated overcoming fear.

I faced a similar dilemma: jump into a relationship with Graham, or miss out on being part of this rare three-person alliance - the person I loved most in the world, and with this man who knows every detail of my past and graciously offered his future. When I compared these dangers, I knew which one to prioritize.

"I'm not experienced at receiving care," I confessed in a quiet tone. "I'm not like Avery: I'm not physically affectionate or very emotional. I'll need space, even on my best days. You'll still have to be patient with me." I swallowed the saliva from my mouth. "But yes. I -- want to try."

Graham brought our hands upwards so he could kiss the back of mine. "I'm delighted, Cherie. We'll be so happy - you, me, and Avery. And don't worry - I know you and he differ in personalities and how you're comfortable relating. I value both equally. Taking care of you involves understanding your requirements to feel safe and supported, which may not be the same as someone else's. And if you need more space, you can always inform me. Although," he continued with more enthusiasm, "I'd love to cuddle with you side by side. You can be the big spoon since you're taller."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at his enthusiasm. "Let's see."

"May I at least..." He rotated his upper body toward me and rearranged himself so he could rest his head on my shoulder. Then he released a contented sigh. "Is this too much snuggling? Because I'll move if it is."

I examined his powerful physique against my side, his short hair at my neck, and our hands locked together. Strength arched toward tenderness; maturity translated into commitment. Surprisingly tangible and unquestionably there. "No, this is fine."

"How was it?" he inquired, showing a casual air. "Just not spectacular and fantastic? This has become one of my cherished memories."

I didn't feel the fatigue slip away from my muscles, but I permitted it to on the next exhale. "It's...sort of nice."

"Aw, you're such a softy," he teased fondly.

"Yeah, I guess."

For a while, we simply chatted, our conversation securely tied by our interlocked hands and our evolving relationship. When he departed, he gave me a quick goodnight kiss.

"You'll talk to Avery about altering our sex rules?" he prompted thoughtfully.

"Sure." I couldn't guess how he'd respond, but at least we could discuss it.

"Alright. Goodnight, Julian. See you tomorrow."

"Night."

I remained awake, swaddled in recollections and daydreams cozier than the quilt, when Avery returned home.

Graham:

In the following days, no one revisited the subject of revising our sex policies, so I decided to talk to Avery myself. The time I'd spent alone with Julian, and the lines of communication we'd opened, had been a beneficial investment. I was eager to bond with Avery, too, given the safer phase of our relationship I believed we were in. During the previous weeks, I'd mainly interacted with him only for work and with Julian. Since he had night watch duty again, I checked the roster for his location. Free time was precious in this ongoing battle for survival, so in the past, I'd join him for part of his shift sometimes. When I completed my own commitments for the day, I hiked along the shadowy forest trail towards his post.

It was still strange to ponder that even though I'd lived and worked all over the western regions, from Puget Sound to California's lush Central Valley to the deserts of Nevada, and traversed the entire Eastern Range from the Cascades to the mighty Rockies -- not to mention my journey through Fort Worth to Shreveport -- Avery had spent his entire life within Louisiana's forests. He'd never experienced the vast distances of blue oceans, looming peaks, rolling prairies, or barren rock formations, save for faded photos he'd seen in Fort Laurel's outdated library.

Yet, despite his limited travel experience, the Piney Woods provided a wealth of biodiversity. The trees combined evergreens with oaks, gums, and shorter seasonal species. The trees were interspersed with a network of streams and bayous emptying into the nearby Mississippi, blending wetland diversity with the upland forests. Although most of the trees and shrubs had shed their leaves, many were still green. When I'd first arrived here in early summer, the gigantic trunks anchored a beautiful mosaic quilt dancing with a multitude of overlaying shades of green that shifted as the sun moved across the sky, from delicate spring tones in the morning to deeper green hues in the evening. An exhaustive spectrum of natural beauty.

At this hour, the treetops were silhouetted against the night sky's dotted backdrop of stars, and only the faintest traces of textures were visible by the waxing gibbous moon. It was a distance to Avery's post tonight, higher up in one of the elder trees over the mainly-barren creek bed to the south. I announced myself upon arriving so he wouldn't be startled, then navigated towards the ladder leading to the platform where he stood in one of the lofty trees.

"What's the matter?" the Avery-shaped shadow asked above me with concerned urgency. Despite the efforts he'd made to combat his trauma-induced tendencies, apprehension still seemed to be his first response to anything unusual.

"Nothing," I affirmed. "I simply wanted some company."

There was a pause before he answered, bearing more suspicion than I'd anticipated. "What for? We've already seen each other today."

"Well, before, there were others present. I came to see you."

There was another pause before he answered, much less enthusiastic than I'd expected. "I'm only here until midnight. You could have come over when I got back."

It hadn't crossed my mind that the lack of one-on-one time since I rejoined the relationship might have been intentional. "If you're not comfortable with me being here, I can see you later instead. Or tomorrow. It's all good."

His reply resembled a shrug in the dark. "Alright."

"It's okay if you didn't expect me. I understand this is new for you. I didn't mean to catch you off guard."

"I didn't see you coming."

"Don't worry, next time I'll let you know," I promised, feeling bad for accidentally causing him any distress.

"It's fine. Sorry."

I moved towards him, careful not to scare him, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "No need for you to be sorry, sweetheart."

He allowed me to move in for a quick kiss.

"How's it going?" I inquired, sitting at one end of the small platform so I could keep an eye out for threats.

He also sat cross-legged, facing the opposite direction with his hips aligned with mine so we could see the forest and each other. "Nothing much happening. That's the goal, right?"

"Rae wanted me to mention the card game tomorrow since we rescheduled. She had fun with you last week."

A hint of a smile appeared in his response. "Yeah, me too."

"Will Rowan make it?"

"She might, she's got a patient expected to give birth soon. Emma usually handles those deliveries, and Vik handles the rest."

"Have you talked to him recently?" I was curious to know. I hadn't spent much time with the doctor. Just a few group outings with Julian and Avery, and a few casual conversations at dinners and community events. Vik seemed like a caring individual who provided a vital service for the community, but I didn't feel a personal connection except for my gratitude for paving the way for me. I was intrigued though by his past and current relationships with my partners, especially Avery. Given the strong chemistry everyone talked about, I was surprised they shared that chemistry, considering how different they were.

I knew the two were still close friends, and I suspected there were a lot of dialogues around me. I thought it would've been interesting to be a fly on the wall for those conversations. As open as Avery was with his physical affection, verbal communication wasn't as abundant.

"We haven't talked much," he answered. "Been keeping busy with you."

I knew I was meddling, but I asked anyway. "How did he react to us getting together?"

Avery sounded somewhat self-conscious. "Sure, why not?"

"Cause I'm not sure if he wanted the kind of relationship we have, but you and Julian didn't return his feelings. So, I didn't know if he would...resent me."

"Vik isn't a resentful type of person. And he and Gavin are like soulmates, so there's nothing for him to resent." There was a brief pause. "He's happy for me, and happy for Julian. I'm sure he's happy for you too."

"Okay. Good." I was still curious if there was more to the story. Either Avery was oblivious or he was protecting Vik's privacy, which he had every right to do.

We fell into a comfortable silence equipped only with the sounds of our breathing and the occasional movement of insects.

I considered starting another conversation but sidetracked when Avery did.

"Just ask already," he demanded.

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled by his accusatory tone.

"I know you didn't come all this way to spend time with me and only talk about trivial things. You must have a reason for being here."

"I came to inquire something."

"So, ask." He insisted when I didn't proceed.

Perhaps surprising him at his post had not been a smart idea. I stared at him, unable to make out any details in the darkness.

"I was going to ask if Julian mentioned any changes in our sex rules to you. But it looks like you're aware of it."

"He did tell me."

"I could've said something at home. Either of us could have."

"But we didn't, so you decided to surprise me out here?"

"I wasn't trying to ambush you, Avery. I've joined you on watch duty before, and you were fine with that. Why are you mad at me? You know I care about you. I wouldn't do anything maliciously to upset you."

"Tone it down. Explain your actions."

I abandoned my watch post for potential dangers in the forest and faced my argumentative boyfriend. "Avery, what's going on? I didn't try to ambush you. I've hung out with you on duty before, and you didn't have an issue then. What's making you angry with me? Don't you know how much I care about you? I wouldn't do anything purposefully to upset you."

After a quiet moment, I could hear Avery taking deep breaths in and out.

"I'm sorry," he said for the second time in a short period of time. "I guess this topic...and you showing up like this...brought up some memories."

I tried to keep my voice understanding. "We've usually found talking about sex to be straightforward. I wouldn't have brought it up if I'd anticipated it would cause friction. So I'm sorry I didn't plan things better in case it might be a problem."

He only replied with another slow breath, presumably an attempt to regain his composure.

"Would you be kind enough to share with me your discomfort? I'd like to comprehend what's troubling you, so we can address it."

A moment passed before he spoke again, hesitantly.

"I...kind of...have a fear about...fearing that someone just wants me for sex." My mind was spinning, attempting to make sense of this connection. "With the three of us, it didn't seem like that was the case. But when Julian informed me you desired to alter the rules, it made me wonder if it was all about desire after all."

I wished instantly to comfort his concerns, but he wasn't done voicing them, so I attempted to stay patient.

"And then you arrive here, saying you wish to spend time with me, when actually your goal was...to withdraw me from Julian's presence, to persuade me to consent to sexual encounters at any time..." The anguish in his voice shot through me. "It appears as if you're simply attempting to take advantage."

"Dear one, I'm so regretful," I told him earnestly, feeling awful that I may have come across as a manipulative pervert, particularly for someone who meant so much to me. "That wasn't my plan at all. When I spent time alone with Julian, it actually eased our situation. I was hoping for a similar effect with you and me, discussing the sex regulations, seeking your feelings. Not encouraging you to consent to anything. I was attempting to prevent you thinking I was only there for one reason. Clearly I messed it up."

Avery wasn't facing me, but the darkness would have limited my view anyway. I desperately wanted to wrap my arms around him, but couldn't until I resolved this issue.

"I'd like you to know this: I would never desire anything from you that could only be obtained by manipulating you in any way. Illegal means of obtaining someone's consent isn't what I'm into, especially when it comes to sex. No one should feel they must comply until they're at ease. And again, I am sincerely sorry for creating that impression."

Avery finally faced me, and when I extended my arm, he took it, allowing me to encircle him in my hug.

"I'm sorry, Avery," I repeated softly, stroking my palm on his broad back. "I adore you. I would love you regardless of whether we've sex or not."

He swallowed hard, and a whisper I'd never heard before escaped his lips. "I adore you too."

I wrapped my arms firmly around him, feeling overjoyed that he offered me the priceless gift of his heart. I wanted to do everything I could to protect him from painful experiences. I recognized that completely avoiding causing him pain as our relationship progressed was impossible. There would be too much I didn't know or didn't pay enough attention to. But I would try my best.

Eventually, he let go of my embrace but remained seated beside me. I kept my hand at his back to provide comfort.

"Please accept my apologies for disrupting your evening," I insisted. "I didn't anticipate the conversation would go this way."

Thankfully, he nudged my shoulder almost playfully. "You can cease apologizing, Graham. I'm okay."

It was reassuring to hear him use my name. I still thought I hadn't communicated adequately how sorry I was, but I restrained the impulse. "Okay."

I waited for Avery to offer his opinion on the initial query, and eventually he did.

"I don't believe I'm prepared to change the rules yet," he confessed softly. "It doesn't quite make sense given that we've had sex many times. I...we...I know we're...together. It just feels different, being alone."

"I'm not sure about that." I kept quiet till he carried on. "Long ago, I used to get anxious about him choosing Vik over me, even before I realized Vik had literally asked him out. At first, when we started getting physical together, Julian was even more cautious to not even touch Vik, so I would not have any reason to feel uneasy, but I still had a breakdown about it."

It was the conversation I had been hoping to have. I continued to listen as Avery continued speaking.

"But eventually I realized that whether or not Julian was interested in someone else has nothing to do with whether he loves me and wants to get married to me. So, it didn't disturb me at all when he hung out with Vik. It made me feel good, learning that Julian could enjoy himself and do things he couldn't only with me. And that's how it is with you and him. I haven't been envious. It would just be different if I am not there. I have always been, with Vik."

"We will be respecting your feelings about it," I confirmed. "It's worth knowing your stance."

Avery's tone turned more timid. "Do you...want to? Sleep with him alone?"

"I do," I replied truthfully. "But it's not about leaving you out." There was a moment when I weighed up how to explain it. "We have some similarities, but my relationship with you is more similar to Julian's with you, while Julian's relationship with me is quite different from his with you. Primarily due to the fact that I am older than him, we have the same background, and I have seen his accomplishments and low points - as in, not because he has told me, but because I've been a part of it. This allows me to understand him without having to make him explain. So, there's a side of him that I only see when we are together that I'd like to experience even more."

"I feel jealous. Not in a bad way. I just wish I could have access to him in the same way."

"Every relationship unveils a particular characteristic in a person. And it's what's magnificent about a triad - you get to express numerous characteristics all at once."

"That's true," Avery agreed. I wondered if he would bring up if he wanted time with him alone but didn't. "Would you stay for a while?" he inquired instead.

"Of course, darling. I can stay throughout your shift, if you wish."

"Yeah. Possibly." It was evident that he remembered the alarming experience when he thought I was trying to exploit him.

I concealed another apology from myself. "Do you have anything else you wanted to discuss, or should we shift our focus?"

We did end up moving on from the topic, and I did remain for the rest of his shift. Although I initially regretted coming to see him during the initial few minutes, I was extremely appreciative later.

The last few days of January were a whirlwind of long days tied to tables or walking through the lifeless forests, offset by blissful hours shared with my two lovers, either in discussion or in bed. With the hectic days full of training, resupply, reconnaissance, and preparing for spring assaults, we barely had any free time, in contrast to the barren trees and vines in the area.

A supply convoy arrived at the Barksdale base that week, crawling its way along the deserted southern highway from Fort Worth. I led a combined force of soldiers and Fort Laurel citizens to collect our share from the depot at Coushatta, set on the banks of Red River around a day's journey away to the west. The settlement was annihilated but controlled the only usable bridge within a thirty-kilometer radius that was still standing. So, we maintained a guard post there.

Avery greeted us at dusk to help load, and then followed me to the main hall for a late dinner. It wasn't until he took a seat beside me at a long oak bench that I noticed he hadn't picked up any food.

"You didn't want any of this?" I asked, my own bowl brimming with spicy lentil stew and cornbread.

His nonchalant shrug had a shy smile and a fast, clear look in his eyes, revealing his true motives. "I ate previously."

My expression changed with my heart's center, radiating affection. "You didn't have to be there with me, then. I am quite capable of eating by myself."

"I am aware," he said, as if it was already apparent. When I reached for his shoulder with my free arm, he snuggled even closer, and I kissed his temple.

Julian arrived shortly after reviewing his own guards. He gulped down his meal urgently. In a forgotten winter night patrolling, nothing haunts like the memory of a hot meal gone to waste.

"Are you available for another half hour or so?" I requested across the table. "We could do with your input on some of the equipment we just collected. It's not what I'm accustomed to functioning with, but it's the best they could find to transport out to this bewildering swamp."

Julian playfully teased my comment with his own sarcastic reply. "You've been living at this place for eight months now. Haven't you realized we're so far from any marshes?"

I grinned and responded, "Anywhere not a marsh doesn't have the right to be that muddy all the time."

He simply said, "I'm free," but the slight upturn of his lips and the glimmer in his aquamarine eyes conveyed a lot more.

I invited Avery to join us, "You're welcome to join us," when I regained focus. Avery had remained close enough for continuous physical contact, like his leg or elbow touching me. I never discouraged it.

"I'd like to, but I promised Lamont I'd help him turn the compost piles tonight, so I'll do that while you're gone."

"Sounds great."

We headed to the large tent on base, where specialists were still packing the equipment we'd received from Barksdale. Julian was a triple threat of elite education, extensive field experience, and extraordinary innate talent; therefore, my task would be more challenging without his persistent advice. As we walked, the two Military members at the gate saluted and said good night to us, waiting for my return salute before going back to their posts.

The settlement had settled down for the night, with lights on in most dwellings, and just a few people going back and forth along the main paths between fire pits. We detoured to check on the repairs to a section of the southern fortification, which had been damaged when a recent thunderstorm knocked down an ancient tree on top, damaging a key watchtower. Removing the trees inside would have reduced rain absorption and worsened the flooding. A dilemma no one wanted.

Julian and I shone our flashlights on the new beams and decided which ones could support our weight before we climbed up. The watchtower's top was still unfinished and unoccupied, but we could see the nearby sentries on either side.

"It seems you and Avery are getting along well," Julian said as we returned to ground level. His handsome Mediterranean face was illuminated by the flickering flames of the fire pits.

I leaned against the log wall. "I don't understand how we both ended up here, right where he is. I thought I had been in love before, but Avery is...really special. What he has given me... I don't know how to describe it."

His response was filled with friendly amusement. "I've felt that before too."

I gathered closer and spoke more seriously, "Thank you for sharing. Most people wouldn't even think about it."

"It's not a sacrifice. It's enjoyable to see him so happy." He softened his voice, became more intimate. "And you."

I was overwhelmed with the need to kiss him. I reached behind his head, turned his head down, and pressed my lips to his. He responded hesitantly, but then with more passion as I held his face. He has some restraint.

"For the record," I broke away, "if you think your aloof act is keeping me from falling as deeply in love with you...it isn't."

He contemplated me for a second, then kissed me again, this time passionately with tongue and hands pulling my body against his. Both of us were hot, hard, and breathing deeply.

"I desire you," he whispered against my neck.

"I want you too," I said, no regret in my voice.

He tilted his head back so he could see my face and said, "Inside."

I needed a second to comprehend, then responded, "Inside? Do you mean me inside you?"

Immediately, he grabbed my erection with his hand. "You."

I couldn't help but say, "Take me home then." And he did.

When we arrived, Avery was present, which was lucky. Julian asked him to step out for a brief moment, so I didn't get to hear their discussion, but it made sense that they'd want a private chat before taking this extraordinary step with me. While waiting, I sat on the edge of the bed, filled with nerves and anticipation that verged on nausea. I was about to be the second person to consensually penetrate him, and remembering the horrific violence he'd experienced from our schoolmates made my stomach churn. Avery had mentioned his first attempt at topping Julian had been rocky. They'd worked through it, and Julian had gained some experience receiving, but there were no guarantees with someone who wasn't his husband.

When the door opened again, I searched for clues but found them both relaxed. Avery sat next to me, not saying anything but radiating pride.

"You okay with this, kiddo?" I inquired.

"Yep, sure. I'm...very happy for you two," he replied. Glancing toward where Julian waited, his passion was now restrained behind patience. "I offered to leave so he could be alone, but he asked me to stay. Is that okay?"

"Not at all," I answered fondly, then turned to Julian. "Whatever you need, please tell us, alright?" I could've said more, offered explicit support, but I didn't want to overwhelm the moment. Simply knowing he was resilient didn't give me the right to bring up his painful past or treat him as a fragile being. It was probably better to let him lead.

He nodded without addressing the topic. "I've apologized to Avery for breaking the rules."

"Oh, right," I said. "I'm really sorry. I'm the new guy - I take the blame."

Young Avery shrugged without making eye contact. "It was bound to happen eventually."

"Anything you both want to talk about?" I asked. It was our custom to discuss strategies, preferences, and boundaries before engaging in a new sexual experience.

Avery glanced at his husband and said cautiously, "I'd recommend that Julian be the one on top, at least at first. It might...go smoother that way."

"That's what I'd prefer as well," I said. "Unless you feel differently, Julian."

"Uh, that's...fine."

He was wary, as if the memories driving his need for anonymity had raised an invisible shield, so I reached for his face and gently kissed him. As he warmed up to me again, his mouth became as ravenous as mine.

I moved back and stroked his cheek, my heart pounding in my chest. I intended to say something reassuring, but suddenly I couldn't trust my voice. Nothing seemed adequate to express the magnitude of what I was about to share with this man I'd admired for so long.

Instead, I pulled my t-shirt over my head and removed my pants, allowing myself to be more exposed. I lit one of the candles, turned off the lamp, and gathered the supplies. By the time I arranged the covers, Julian was bare and snuggling up next to me.

I lay on my side facing him, and he did the same. Initially, all I could do was admire his sculpted shoulders and chest, embellished with intricate tattoos. The thought that someone as perfectly sculpted could be mine still astounded me.

Reverently I touched his chest, stopping to caress the leather cord and brown semicircle pendant that symbolized his marriage. Next to Avery, he wore the pendant's mate, a blue gem representing the other spouse's eye color. Never would I have guessed he was capable of such a romantic gesture before my time in Louisiana.

"If you want to slow down or change your mind at any point, just let me know, Major," I murmured softly.

In response, he drew me toward him, explored my lips, and pressed our bodies together. All of a sudden, I stopped caring about the weight of his past or the history we were about to create. There was only him: the feel of his skin against mine; hunger driven by his trust; surrender beyond the physical realm. I hadn't realized how deeply I'd longed for this kind of raw, unfettered connection with him.

Before I knew it, I was lying flat with Julian perched on my legs. When he reached for the lube and poured some into his hand, a wave of excitement stirred in my abdomen.

"Are you sure you don't want my fingers?" I asked hesitantly as his skilled hands glided over my rigid rod, causing delightful sensations everywhere he touched. I remember watching him let Avery finger him in front of me once, and the sight of Julian spreading his legs and accepting Avery's digits into his ass was incredibly sexy. It didn't take an expert eye to recognize how much pleasure he had experienced from it. I assumed he might want a similar warm-up this time.

"Not tonight," he replied. His hands remained fixed for a few more strokes, massaging the oil inside and generating a boiling need throughout my body. Eventually, he leaned forward and hovered above me.

"Take your time, okay?" I'd always preferred this position as it allowed me complete control of his body; I started by running my hands up and down his muscular arms. "I won't move until you tell me to."

With a quick nod, he positioned himself over me and lowered himself onto my erection.

"This is intense," I blurted out just as his tight ring of muscles swallowed the tip of my cock. The velvety heat and pressure of his anus felt incredible, and the mental image of Major Julian Demos, the esteemed military leader, accepting my cock inside him, sent a jolt through me.

I watched as he clenched and released his ass, then pushed and pulled in short, rhythmic movements. He gradually stretched, accommodating the size of my cock until I was deep within him. He held himself in place for a moment, fighting to control his breathing and relax his muscles. Despite the profound sensations from inside his ass, I maintained a still stance, knowing full well that this was more about him than it was about me.

"How do you feel?" I inquired, trying to send a sense of calm. "Is this okay?" I kept my hands on him, hoping I could provide a degree of comfort.

"Yeah," he responded, but it sounded more like a reflex than an honest reaction. I couldn't help but notice how hard his body tensed, making him seem like a warrior in battle.

"If you lean down a bit more, I can kiss you," I suggested, craving the emotional connection promised by our lips meeting.

After a brief pause, he leveled himself so we were more vertically aligned, allowing me access to his mouth. This position created an intense pressure on my sheathed organ, but I did my best to remain still to avoid causing any harm. The kisses were powerful and raw, a beautiful mix of intense sexual need and deep affection, and I felt as if I was experiencing a boundless connection to him.

"You can move," he ordered, a little over half-erect.

I ran my palm across his back, admiring the intricate tattoos that seemed to seal his identity. "I can step back if you need me to."

He shook his head. "No, I want you to."

"I'll slow it down if you need me to," I said, anxious to ensure his comfort.

I resumed my movements, pulling slightly out then thrusting back into his accepting body. My body surged with unfettered pleasure, a product of both the electric tingles and my partner's resistance.

"Julian," I murmured, worried he might still be in pain.

He ground his hips against mine, ordering, "Don't stop."

"Um..." I hesitantly considered whether to follow his directions or his body's signals.

He gazed at Avery, who was standing quietly nearby. "Avery..."

Their eyes met, forming a silent exchange.

"It's alright, Graham," Avery commanded with a calm demeanor. "He's not upset. He just needs you."

I continued to stroke, aware of the significance of the moment.

"It's okay," I whispered, trying to sound soothing. "I'm here." Even though I was worried about further harm, I didn't want to go against his wishes, so I began moving again - short, gentle strokes that would provide stimulation without being forceful.

He seemed to respond well, matching my rhythm and drawing his head towards mine, as if seeking more affection.

Encouraged, I gave him more, using my hands and my voice, and even my cock inside him. I combed the short strands of his dark hair with my fingers - ones I'd always thought would be curly if he ever grew them out longer. "I've got you, baby. You're safe with me. I'll never hurt you."

When I said that, he let out a kind of strangled gasp, like he was trying to suppress a wave of emotion, maybe even a sob. Based on this clue, I started to piece things together. The terrible assault on his teenage body had taken away his sense of control, leaving him feeling violated even when he knew that this encounter was consensual. He needed me to show him that violating him this way wouldn't result in exploitation or cruelty. That I cared about him enough to respect his boundaries, even being inside him like this.

I hugged him closer and thrust a little harder into the area he'd kept off-limits for so long. "I would never hurt you, Julian," I repeated. "Nothing sexually, physically, or any other way. You're just as much mine as I am yours. It doesn't matter who's on top or inside. Can you believe that?"

He nodded slightly, and I felt a wave of tender devotion wash over me. I played with my fingers, finding that his cock was hard, which made me feel desired. Regardless of how difficult it was for him, being with me was turning him on.

I went on fucking and jerking him for another minute, until pleasure seemed to overcome his anxiety. He still held onto my shoulders, but he was arching his hips to meet my hand and beginning to make quiet, throaty sounds underneath my head.

"This is just an idea, and I don't want to push if you're not into it," I said. "But would you like me to be on top for a while?" I thought that if my theory was correct and he needed tangible evidence that I wouldn't abuse him even when I was on top and in control, it might be more meaningful for him to take me when he couldn't easily escape.

He hesitated so much that I was about to take it back, but then he said, "Get me close first."

"Could Avery use his mouth?" I proposed. That was one of the most effective ways I knew to make him reach orgasm.

"Okay," was the quiet reply.

"Take your time," I told my partner, stroking his back a bit more. "No pressure."

He stayed close for several more strokes before sitting up. Avery gave him a long kiss, then he stretched out to place his lips on the target.

Julian sighed quietly as his husband began working his cock while I focused on his ass. I had to work hard to keep my excitement under control, but it wasn't long before he tugged the head towards himself, indicating that he was ready.

With a final glance that warmed my heart, he got up and moved to my side, folding his arms under his head and stretching out on his stomach. When I climbed onto him, he spread his thighs, causing my heart rate to increase.

"You're so incredible, Julian," I said as I got on top of him. I added more lube and separated his knees a little, just to check if he would allow it. When he did, my cock pulsed with new heat.

I took it easy as I slid back into his waiting hole, checking for any resistance, which there wasn't. Then I lay across his back and wrapped my arms around his chest, just like I did with his partner that first time.

"I'm so proud to be with someone as intelligent and accomplished and courageous and caring as you are," I said as I started a steady pumping motion with my hips, generating a delightful friction for myself and rubbing purposefully against his hidden inner gland.

He entwined his forearms with mine, so I was almost pinning him down: arms pushed away from his body, legs held open by my knees, anus filled by my cock. The erotic sensation of his surrender almost made me come just by itself.

"You're mine," I whispered by his head as I fucked him with intent. "There's nothing you need to hide from me or protect from me." I could talk nonstop, and I didn't want to stop - it didn't seem possible to share too much, with him sharing this with me.

He impressed me by entwining his forearms with mine, so I was sort of trapping his arms: arms pinned away from his body, legs held open by my knees, anus occupied by my cock. The eroticism of his surrender almost made me come just by itself.

"I'm yours," I murmured near his head, fucking him with purpose. "There's nothing you need to keep from me, or guard from me." I thought I might be babbling a bit much, but I wasn't ready to stop. There didn't seem to be a limit to how much I could share, with him sharing this with me.

My voice grew more rugged as I neared climax. "It's okay to desire to be penetrated—to have someone enter you and fill you. It's alright to confess how incredible it feels when a hot, forceful dick dives into you thoroughly..."

Hearing this, even though nothing was caressing his groin except for the duvet, he seized and issued a primal utterance. He didn’t attempt to withdraw his arms from mine, so I maintained my swift strokes against his prostate, coaxing his orgasm until I too climaxed. My pelvic muscles contracted intensely as a result of my own ejaculation.

Once the contractions ceased, I kissed the side of his face and remained with him until he started to stir. Avery had attained his climax as well, paying witness to it.

Subsequently, I offered Julian the center position, and I was still taken aback that he accepted. When I moved to the right and tried to reach for him in the dark, he came towards me for the first time ever, securing his back firmly against my chest and instructing me to encircle my arm around him. I touched my lips to the faintly scented skin beneath his ear before resting my chin on his shoulder. I feared breathing heavily in case this was more touch than he could bear.

Nonetheless, he didn't flinch. My blood pulsated through my veins furiously, yet my chest conformed to the even rhythm of his respiration, assuring me that Julian was also in love with me.

This, paired with Avery's feelings for me, propelled me to heights of bliss I had never before known existed.

Avery:

"Happy one-month anniversary," Graham said jovially, slipping into our quarters and instantly shutting the door to protect against the freezing February air. "You two."

"I think it is," Julian concurred from the desk, raising his head to accept a kiss.

"Should we have obtained you something?" Graham inquired.

I glanced at my spouse, who was gazing back at me. My initial reaction was dismay at Graham's impending departure, but he was most likely correct. Julian and I hardly had the opportunity to converse extensively on our own, and a lot had transpired recently.

"A gift isn't needed," Julian stated. "But I would enjoy your gift."

"No flowers, jewels, or sex?" I quipped.

"None of those, little one," he answered in his favorite fond tone. "Technically it could be sex. However, I have been here in this room when we have not been occupied with other things quite often in the previous month, and I'd like to provide you and Julian with some alone time."

I peered at my husband, who was also gazing at me. I was at first disheartened by Graham's decision to leave, but he might be correct. Julian and I were rarely able to exchange more than a few words on our own, and a lot had occurred recently.

"That's a very considerate gesture, Graham." Julian emphasized. "I would welcome your present."

"You two have been together for quite some time before I arrived," the captain said. "I'd like to ensure both of you are able to maintain your relationship."

I couldn't resist entwining my fingers in Graham's. He was happy to comply with the contact, as always. "Will you visit tomorrow?"

"Sure, following the card game."

"I'm going to be there," I confirmed.

"Fine. I'll see you then." His attempt to liberate my hand proved futile.

He raised an eyebrow at me, both indulgently and amused. "I won't be too distant."

I felt a bit foolish, but I couldn't help but not wishing him to leave. "Might you remain here until Julian's completed his notes?"

"Definitely, sweet boy." He gave my hand a friendly squeeze. "Has anything noteworthy transpired today?"

I shifted my body slightly closer to his shoulder. "Lamont informed me that Verity uttered the word 'goat' while passing by the herd yesterday. That's her seventh animal word."

Graham chuckled. "That is quite exciting."

I felt slightly embarrassed, but I didn't mind his mocking since it wasn't malicious. He held little interest in children, but I enjoyed observing my unofficial godchild learn new things. "Do you say my name?"

"Not really," he answered. "But you might want to teach it to me if it's so important to you. I'll even call you that while I'm here."

"It's adorable," I conceded. "Especially coming from you."

"I enjoy the pet names and endearments, so I won't mind what you call me."

I've been with Verity plenty of times," my husband shared. "I could tell her cries from any other lineup."

After putting in a last-minute update on the records, I was considering letting Graham go, but I figured checking in on him would be good for both of us. So I gave the captain a kiss and told him we'd train in the morning.

We had a scented candle burning as a gift from Vik, so Julian turned down the lamp and sat next to me with a cozy blanket.

"Are you okay tonight without Graham?" he asked. "I know the two of you have been spending a lot of time together."

"Well, I don't want it to seem like I don't want to be with you alone. It's just that I miss him when he's gone."

"I understand."

Our conversation eventually went back to our recent experiences, which led to a topic I wanted to bring up.

"You remember I told Graham I'm not ready to change the rule about us all being together for sex?" I started. Julian nodded. "I think that...I'm not exactly ready to be with him alone either. But if you two want to be together without me, that's fine."

He appeared surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Graham previously mentioned that you acted differently without me. Now I see what he meant. It's like when we were with Vik; you didn't mind me being alone with Vik because you had what you needed from me, and it wouldn't change regardless of spending a few nights with him. So, I already have my needs fulfilled by both you and Graham, and I don't believe anything will change if you two have some time alone."

"It means a lot that you understand," Julian said sincerely. "It'd help my relationship with him."

"Yeah, I think it'll benefit his too." There was silence for a moment, with only the candle's shadowy light illuminating our corner.

"When would you like to start this?" Julian asked.

"Maybe not tomorrow...but after that, if you're up for it," I replied.

"How about we adjust that rule to state 'Physical intimacy between any two partners is allowed alone if both agree. Partners should keep in mind the third's comfort when arranging encounters'?"

This felt right. "Exactly."

"Since we're making changes, just so you know, I'm giving you and Graham permission to spend time together for sex when you'd like to," Julian mentioned. "You wouldn't have to ask for my consent."

The thought of being alone with Graham was liberating, yet daunting at the same time. But now that the boundaries were being broadened, the idea began to excite me.

"Julian," he said softly, looking for my attention. "I'm really happy that we've grown into a relationship that can adjust to these changes. When you were concerned about me leaving so much, I never thought we'd evolve to include another partner."

"Me neither. It still feels like a long time ago when I used to be terrified of you leaving."

"However, I'd like you to know that I'll be cautious and consider your feelings if we decide to spend more time alone."

My stress levels eased. "I appreciate that."

"And since I noticed you've been snuggling with Graham more," Julian confessed with a bit of hope in his voice, "would you like to snuggle with me tonight?"

I seemed to lose focus of everything else for a second. "Yes."

After stripping down and settling into bed, we left a burning candle with its appetizing seasonal aroma. I slid into my usual position beside Julian, so I could listen to his heartbeat. He gently touched my back, arm, and head with a comforting, consistent pattern, which had me hooked from the start. No matter how much I valued Graham, our bond with each other would always be separate; it had developed over years of strife and accomplishment and getting to know one another. Graham's relationships with us were built atop a foundation we'd carefully formed together over the course of four years. Those foundational bricks will always be exclusively ours.

It felt cozy to be in his embrace, his presence enveloping me, his caresses warming me from the inside out. Sharing such a moment with him would always hold a little more weight than it would with anyone else, simply because he'd been the one to guide me through it for the first time. He'd managed to help me feel secure when I was still a young grieving orphan, anxiously encased in a fortress I had unconsciously built, and afraid to let down the drawbridge.

"I truly love you, you know," I eventually confessed.

"Yes I do," he responded, just as warm as a fiery ember. "And it means more to me than anything."

A broad smile appeared on my face as I leaned against his chest, thankful for having chosen to accept Graham's present.

"And I deeply love you too," I said with awe, even though his words never failed to captivate me. "It's a wonderful thing for me as well."

A brief embrace from Julian followed, then his face found its way into my hair. "Do you have any desires for tonight? Or is the cuddling sufficient?"

"I'm content with this if you are too," I relayed back to him, somehow astonished at my decision. In the previous months, we'd had a significant amount of passionate sex with Graham, and all I craved at the moment was to feel my husband's embrace.

His voice resonated softly beneath my ear, soothing me subconsciously. "I'm content as well."

We had very little left to say. I floated into sweet memories of our time together, navigating through a lush forest of happiness with each given evening, each memory steadily buildig our future happiness. I didn't even recognize myself losing consciousness.

Graham was okay with the new rule and a few days later, Julian went to the captain's quarters for a private meeting. I thought it would be a larger event, but it seemed like the most natural course of events. I ended up hanging out with Tian in the quarters that evening, and the time flew by.

When Julian returned home, his aura was glowing, a blurry description of calmness. He embraced me tightly and showered me with kisses. Not only did he reveal what they did, but he also traced our past intimate encounters with his finger while explaining the finer details. This only fanned the flames of my desire to send him back.

A week or so passed before I consented to meet the captain alone, with the agreement that it would not be for sex. I couldn't understand why it made me uneasy to consider engaging in such an activity with him while his relationship with me was purely sexual; it'd been many experiences I've had with him before, and I couldn't get enough. It was just different somehow about doing it with Graham.

This encounter was set up for playing the guitar. I'd been interested in learning how to play it since the beginning of our relationship with Graham, but we hadn't left the time for it, and then it became a hobby of his and Jade's. He mentioned it again recently, not wanting Julian to get bored if we just lounged around. I hesitantly found myself in his room, a space that appeared exactly the same as it had when we'd rekindled our love: uniforms neatly put aside in crates, family and friend pictures on the wall, guitar tabs and documented reports on his desk. I idly examined his belongings, idly pausing at a letter scattered by the lamp.

"Who is the author?" I inquired out of curiosity.

He looked up from getting his guitar ready. "Blair. You're welcome to read it if you want. She provided a new picture of my niece and nephew, though."

I found the picture beside the nightstand - two pale children, possibly four and six years old, hand-in-hand in front of an imposing grand staircase at the music hall.

"That's at the music hall." He clarified. "My mother is hopeful at least one of them will carry on Blair's talent."

As I stood there, I saw a photo of a family; our family.

I sat at the edge of his soft woolen bed, perusing the letter. It resembled reading a novel about a mesmerizing culture in a distant world, but the society was real, and the world was my own. These words concerning symphony orchestra performances following five-course catered meals reached by chauffeured vehicles had been penned near Seattle only a few weeks ago.

I shifted to page two when my focus stumbled upon my moniker. I pondered it for a few moments before regaining my composure to read the statement.

"You disclosed my existence as well as Julian's to your sister?" I gasped aloud, both astonished and flattered.

"Obviously. I informed her a lot more about you in my previous correspondence, but it wouldn't have arrived yet."

I held the handwritten text with renewed awe, slightly overwhelmed that this stranger on the opposite side of the continent recognized me.

Graham joined me on the bed. "Blair chose the conventional path of marriage and children because she aspired to, not because she didn't believe in alternative options. She resides in my family's social circle due to her desire for access to high-quality opportunities for the children, but she comprehends that manner of life isn't for everyone. She'd want to learn more about you, the two people I care deeply about."

I had never previously received a letter; we didn't even possess a postal service out here. But engaging in correspondence with Graham's sister... It would be similar to having a relative of my own. The notion warmed the depths of my chest.

Eventually, we transitioned to the musical lesson. I was mostly proficient in rudimentary understanding of sheet music and basic choral portions. Conceivably, people would arrive occasionally to educate us about an assortment of instruments, but I was uncertain if anything had taken hold. Even my elementary knowledge of notes on a staff was insufficient to decipher the enigma that was Graham's guitar tabs.

He was a skilled instructor; he guided me through how the strings and frets were arranged, how chords were developed, and the notes for some unsophisticated songs I had prior knowledge of. Producing music solely using my hands and the metallic strings was rather fascinating.

"You still have some time," he remarked as he placed the guitar, wearying from the trauma my fingertips had endured.

"Stay for what?" I questioned, warily.

"Mere conversation... perhaps cuddling. You've established your limits -- I won't attempt to seduce you."

"Alright," I accepted, a tad anxious about my proximity to him, alone, and for the initial time in our history, without any constraints on our actions. Still, it didn't feel completely fair to Julian that I expended so much of the captain's attentiveness, so this might be favorable for both of us if we could be here whilst he undertook his own endeavors.

Graham flipped off the lamp and stacked the pillows for easy relaxation at the head of the bed.

"Come here, my timid celibate," he welcomed, protruding his arm for me to nestle my back against his front. "My bashful celibate," he teased while I moved into his embrace.

"Shut up," I countered, but my rebuttal would be uneffective as he knew I preferred his humorous banter. However, this topic was more disquieting than most.

He was not done. "Not the kind of guy who'd coerce someone he rarely knew into engaging in anal intercourse on our first date, in front of his husband..."

I grew slightly red and poked him with my elbow. "Did you simply request my presence here to poke fun at me?"

He laughed. "No, that's merely a perk."

I aligned myself against Graham's solid form. Not very long ago, Graham had simply been Captain Lansing, a scorching hot daydream of a sexual impulse. It was still astonishing that he wished to share his affections with me regularly.

"May we...converse regarding it, though?" he inquired after a moment, more serious.

My heart quickened with the anticipation of perilous waters. "Haven't we discussed it already?"

"It's been several weeks," he reminded me.

"I don't actually...have much novel to convey."

"May I detail how it feels for me?", he requested.

I couldn't decline to hear his perspective. "Okay."

I believe you're probably not holding back on something, as I can't picture what that might be. We've got a strong connection, and you implicitly trust me - you're normally very comfortable around me. Plus, we've already shared so much intimate time together. All of these factors indicate a readiness to move forward in our own way.

Graham hesitated, but the rest of his speech was coming.

"You're not married to anyone else, right? Julian and I are your partners. I'm putting all my faith in us. But I know you met the love of your life a long time ago. So, I can't help but wonder if the real reason you're not moving forward is because...you don't intend to have a committed relationship with me. You want to keep your marriage as the main focus, with me on the side."

His words hit me hard. They made me question the solid foundations of our bond. The fear grew and began to transform into alarm. I forcefully broke away from his hold and turned to face him.

"Graham..." I still couldn't find the right words to express my disbelief, but I had to try. "No. It's not...how I feel."

He spoke once more before I could continue. "It's not my place to say how you feel; I understand the deep bond you share with Julian. Just because you care about me, it doesn't mean you're willing to invest at that level again. And I think I'd prefer to know this information now rather than waiting for something that will never happen."

The immense waves of fear made it challenging to articulate my point of view. "That's not...how I feel. I mean it. Graham, you said it was okay to wait until I was ready. You said you wouldn't leave..." My fear caused me to choke on the words.

"I didn't say you should think about us having a committed relationship now!" he clarified, still trying to ensure my emotional well-being. "I only wanted to understand. There's no need for hysteria and disharmony. Focus on breathing normally."

Panic subsided only marginally, but my brain searched for any threats. Graham seemed earnest, though it was difficult to hear anything over the blood rushing in my ears.

"I'm not going anywhere. Our situation is fine. Please, calm down and let your breathing find its natural pace," he requested, with a soothing tone.

I complied, focusing on the sound of his voice. After some time, Graham noticed a change in my demeanor.

"Much better. It'd be great if Julian could teach me how to hold these discussions without triggering your stress."

As the dread receded, I gathered my thoughts. "Hold me," he asked once more, with much more kindness than before.

I didn't resist this time around. Graham cradled me in his arms, and I made sure to hold onto him tightly.

"How can I show you that I'm serious about you?" he whispered against my ear.

"Don't question my feelings for you," I murmured, still a bit emotionally unstable.

"I just wanted to understand your thinking. Sorry to have frightened you," he responded, trying to comfort me.

"I'm sorry, too - I overreacted. I guess I'm not the best at expressing my deepest feelings."

"I can understand why I would raise concerns, given your reaction. It's just been difficult for me, not knowing your concerns, and I became worried. You appear extremely concerned about my commitment, but without hearing your thoughts, I can't confirm mine," he said, keeping his voice calming.

With an understanding of his perspective, I gathered my thoughts. "I might not be great at this kind of thing," I admitted.

"I understand, considering your reaction. I wasn't trying to create pressure," he reassured me, as reason reclaimed control.

"I know what you meant, but your words frightened me," I rationalized.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to give you an ultimatum. This conversation can be stress-free if we both talk rationally."

Now reassured, I allowed him to hold me again. "What do you want to say where we stand?" he questioned me gently.

"I'm not sure how to explain this - I believe you're serious about me, but I've been afraid to speak up."

"It's okay to feel unsure about something," he reassured me. "Do you want to share more about your reservations?"

I took another breath and plunged on. "I guess I'm not the best at expressing my feelings."

"Perhaps learning to feel comfortable sharing will help," he suggested.

My anxiety eased slightly. "That's true," I acknowledged. "I'm just not the most open about my emotions."

"I'll be here to support you, always."

With his support, I felt a small sense of relief. "Thank you, my love."

"Can we further clear the misunderstandings?" he asked with a gentle voice.

I nodded, nestling into his arms again. "Let's talk more, and we'll figure this out together," I said, feeling lighter with each passing moment.

She was showing remarkable patience with him; he needed her to be brave. What held her back so much from speaking the words that matched her thoughts and emotions? It had to be possible to simply convey these to someone without the entire world falling apart, right? Especially since he'd already done so many times.

She took another deep breath and spoke candidly. "You ended things with me all of a sudden, not even discussing it first. You left me, and I couldn't be near you, sleep beside you, or touch you in any way --" She had to stop before she lost control. He held her on tightly without interrupting.

"It was truly difficult," she said. "I haven't even told you about the extent of it. I never wanted you to know. But I'm still terrified of ever experiencing it again, so it doesn't take a lot to trigger those memories."

With a heavy voice, he apologized. "I truly regret that it happened, sweetheart. If I could travel back in time and do it over, I would."

"I know." Steeling herself, she continued. "And I'm not trying to keep you at arm's length. I want everything with you. There's no doubt about that. But I've only known you for eight months, and more than half of that time, we weren't together. So while it may seem to you that a few weeks is significant, it's a major leap in a very short period of time. Especially considering that, as you said, I'm married."

"I can understand that," he told her. "I truly appreciate your transparency."

She relaxed a little. "Thank you for putting up with my...anxiety."

For a sometimes, there was a calm silence, the first since this tense conversation started. She concentrated on the calming presence of Graham's chest and arms around her, the tangible sign of his dedication to her emotional security.

"May I ask you another question?" he asked. "Concerning this."

"Sure..." she tried not to tense up.

"Does what you're mainly concerned about perhaps not being me? You said it feels too soon, but I'd hesitate to believe that it's not the sex itself that's too quick, as you allowed me to do many things to you that night. You seem to differentiate between doing that with Julian present versus absent. And you mentioned that this affects your marriage too. Are you afraid that being with me will alter your relationship with Julian?"

As soon as he phrased it that way, she recognized the source of her discomfort. "It would, wouldn't it?"

"What comes to mind, when you contemplate how you would feel if we had sex right now about your relationship with your husband?" Graham inquired instead of replying.

When she focused on it, the sensation resolved into specific emotions: a raw, overwhelming grief that made her feel as though she were losing someone immensely significant, and a dread that hollowed her stomach. She followed the trail, reaching its origin.

"It feels like...my marriage would be gone," she admitted. "My relationship with Julian wouldn't be the same if I could do all the same things with you. I don't want to -- lose that --" A brief but potent thought of no longer being married to Julian choked her throat.

Her boyfriend's response was as soft as the hand stroking her arm. "Oh, Avery. Your marriage wouldn't end at all. Nothing could erase the specialness of it. You and Julian promised to care for each other, be there for each other, and work out any problems, correct? And aren't you still going to do just that?"

He paused until she agreed with her nod. "Think about how you felt after he came last week. Did you feel that he was any less married to you?"

She reviewed her memories. "No..."

"You wouldn't be either, if you slept with me. Just like your love for me doesn't lessen your love for him. You and Julian will always have your unique history and bond. I couldn't change that even if I tried. I'm merely providing you with a new bond." [

Tonight, he was right once again. I hadn't been able to recognize it before. Specifically, while I could acknowledge it with regards to Julian, the realization didn't extend to myself. This kind of behavior was pretty standard for me, so I need to work on discussing my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up for weeks or months. Thankfully, Graham was assisting me in this area.

I admired him immensely for it, and suddenly, I couldn't fathom why I had waited so long. He was a wonderful partner: dedicated, dependable, and accepting of my shortcomings. Extremely generous with his affection and always prepared to support me, even when I didn't want to burden him. Comprehending my insecurities and willing to share his own. Gentle when I was afraid, but also capable of challenging me when necessary. He was transforming me into a better person, an accomplishment considering the improvements Julian had previously fostered in me.

An intense rainbow emerged in my virtual sky, capturing my heart with its vibrancy. It was a doubled spectacle, representing love's light split twice within each water droplet. The first bow manifested my perpetual pledge to Julian, which could not be damaged, just like electromagnetic radiation itself could not be eliminated. The second represented my newer pledge to the man cradling my body and my heart with utmost care. These two arches would always maintain the same distance, with neither capable of overtaking or replacing the other. Each relationship possessed distinct characteristics, but both were priceless to me.

I gently extracted my body from his embrace, causing his expression to achieve a sense of uncertainty. He thought I might be upset, but I displayed my affection by pressing my lips against his. I kissed him without reservation - unafraid of the past or doubtful of the future or comparing him to anyone else. I wanted him, and I was permitted to want him.

"I love you," I conveyed to him as he drew back to glance at me. "A great deal."

His palm grazed my cheek. "I love you immensely."

"And it's accurate, as you mentioned. I have nothing left to wait for. So, entice me, Captain Lansing. Immediately."

His exhilaration reverberated throughout him, which had nothing to do with my earlier anxiety. "Are you absolutely certain about this?" he questioned, his breathing almost becoming labored. "Your change of heart happened rather rapidly. I wouldn't want you to feel... taken advantage of, at a later time."

"I'm one hundred percent certain, Graham." I traced my fingertips across his cheek. "You convinced me of that."

"Wow, Avery," he gasped. "You have no comprehension of your impact on me."

"Prove it," I replied, tilting my face up alluringly.

And he did.

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