Enslaved to Love

Enslaved to Love

Chapter 1

He and I were friends. Just good friends. For some reason, his crazy antics made me happy. Back in the day, when we were in our 20s, we would lie on his bed together, a little bored, talking about nothing-and everything. One afternoon, I remember we were waiting for a movie we wanted to see, though I doubted Adam Sackler-Slacker, I called him-would sit through it. He was a restless guy.

"Why are we wasting our money, Slack? You know you're gonna want to leave half-way through."

He stopped tossing this little rubber ball he'd found. "Fuck you, Feral Gremlin. I can sit through a movie."

"Naw, you can't."

He rolled over. "Probably not. Movies fucking suck these days. I can do better." He looked at his tiny phone. "Starts in two hours. Blow it off?"

I looked at him and his shaggy mop of black hair, his big old nose and lips, and those knowing whiskey-brown eyes. He was cute but a little rough around the edges for most girls. His big mouth got him in trouble.

"No, I heard it was good. Also, why are you going out with me tonight? Did you even call her?"

He made a face. "I don't cold call girls that much. I'm a fuckin' creep, Rey. You know."

If he called me Rey, it was serious.

"You are not." I'd defend him forever. If he was a creep, then I was a gremlin. We both had our shady pasts. He was a weirdo and I was a street kid.

"Yes, I am." He tossed the ball between his huge puppy paws. "'Cause all I wanna do is have nasty, creepy sex with her. She's probably a nice girl."

I'd heard this before. My buddy had a very low opinion of himself. "So what? Some people like creepy sex."

"Not like this," he muttered. He wouldn't tell me what he was thinking when I asked. We didn't talk much about sex or relationships. I was convinced he thought I was a boy, too. I wore my hair scraped back into three buns on the back of my head, owned no makeup, and dressed like a fucking hillbilly in khakis and t-shirts. I didn't have money or time to worry about it. A girl mechanic got dirty, so fuck it.

I jabbed my friend with my booted toe. "Spill it or shut the fuck up forever. Why won't you get into a relationship with someone? Or at least try?"

"I wouldn't be able to hang with you." He tossed the ball at me, trying to catch me off guard.

It took more than he had to do that. I was used to surprises from when I lived on the street. Adam knew that and wasn't surprised when I plucked the stupid ball out of the air.

"You shouldn't want to hang with me. I'm a grease monkey and a friend. Not even one with benefits." I didn't want to fuck him, though. We had too much fun together, fixing shit, banging around his place-or mine. The thought of ruining it with slimy feelings and slimier sex had me hyperventilating.

"The things I like would send women screaming. I tried it all already. The only close one was Hannah and she was fucking nuts."

I counted them on my fingers. "Hannah, Mimi Rose, what's her face, Jessa."

"Natalia," he said.

"Right. The really uptight one."

He groaned. "I fucked that relationship up."

"Yeah, it's fine. She didn't suit you anyhow. You're funny and she didn't know it."

He scrubbed at his beard. "No. You're right. I don't know how to be polite and I was drunk as a skunk. Fuck me. I called her names."

"Eh, some people like degradation."

He looked at me without blinking.

"Not me, asshole. I'll punch someone's lights out."

"Know you would," he muttered.

"I'm just saying there's someone out there for everyone, Slacker. Jesus. Don't get your panties in a twist."

He bounced off the bed and stood in front of me with one hand on his hip. I sat up and criss-crossed my legs.

"What up, pardner?"

He waved a hand. "I want to state here and now for the record..."

"There is no record, Slacker."

He ignored me. "For the record... I want a slave, a fucking free-use slave. Someone I can tell what to do and when to do it. I want a collar and a leash on her. I want her to be my little whore-and no one else's."

His eyes glittered.

"You want what?"

"I told you I'm fucking depraved."

"Sure. You're going to make someone your slave who'll do everything at your beck and call. Wash your shitty clothes? Do your stinky dishes? Make your ugly bed?"

"No, no." He flapped his arms. "I don't give a fuck about that stuff. I can do all that. I want a sex slave."

"Ohhhh, I see. Just 'cause you're a horny fuck."

"Yeah. But I want to boss her around and make her do what I want in bed."

I roared with laughter. "You and every other man in the universe. What does she get out of it?"

"I'll make her come, don't worry."

"Lovely. What else?"

He dropped to his knees, eyes an earnest burnished brown. "She'd be my queen and want for nothing in this world."

My mouth dropped open. He was completely serious. "Want for nothing," I whispered.

Shit, I could almost go for that. Of course, the man had nothing but some power tools and two-by-fours, but the idea was intoxicating nonetheless. Slacker's Queen, what a concept.

Who would be the Master and who would be the slave? That's what I wanted to know. That's what I never found out.

***

That weird conversation had to have been a good fifteen years ago. Things had changed. We lost track of each other a couple months later when Adam got cast in a TV show in California and moved away for good.

I got tired of being the last hired and first fired and put myself through journalism school. I ended up on the New York, then California, paparazzi circuit talking to spoiled celebrities about their latest films, albums, TV shows, and other pet projects.

It was a living. Most of the stars seemed to appreciate my sass, a change from others who fawned and trilled their way through interviews. However, I had never interviewed one of the most famous actors-turned-directors, one Adam Sackler.

Until now.

And all the fuck I could remember was that goddamned day in his too-sticky apartment talking about kink. I'd been around the block a couple times and now knew what he hadn't understood about his own proclivities. The man was a service Top who wanted some sort of Master/slave dynamic.

Wasn't gonna be me, but, hey, at least I understood it now.

I walked into the back room of the swank LA restaurant, feeling a bit cocky. Yeah, we were going to talk about that new movie he'd just released, sure. But we were going to talk-talk, like friends, too. I missed him.

"Hey, Slacker," I said.

He rose from his plush seat, bigger and wider than I'd ever seen him. I'd forgotten just how huge he was. He was so skinny when I knew him that he came across like a friendly beanpole with hands and feets too big for his frame.

Now, he was a fucking refrigerator.

"Gremlin." Though his voice was deeper than I remembered, his grin was the same.

He yanked me into a huge hug during which we rocked and hummed at each other.

He stepped back first. "I didn't know you were doing this interview until a day or two ago. I had no idea you were journalizing."

"I am. How the fuck are you? Seriously?" I peered up at him. He looked a little tired. Of course he wasn't a kid anymore. Neither was I, for that matter.

"I'm all right. Busy as fuck."

"You're letting me interview you without your publicist," I said.

"Sure. You know all my secrets anyway." He winked at me.

"I do. But I won't tell."

He picked up a piece of paper. "NDA?"

"Fuck off, Slack. If I sign an NDA, I can't write my article, you bonehead."

"Joking, kidding." He held up his hands. "Jesus."

"Your publicist found out we knew each other?"

"Yeah. She wanted me to cancel the interview."

"Awww, how sweet." I made a sour little face at him. "Sit the fuck down." I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed sparring with him.

"Will it be painless?"

"No." I dug my mini-recorder out of my bag.

He snort-laughed.

As I conducted the interview, I saw him assessing me, giving me straight answers but with a sarcastic kind of undertone as if he knew (and I knew) this was all bullshit. Start to finish.

Yet, when he talked about his film, which was a passion project, he lit up and the mask dropped. I remembered all the times he'd gotten fired up about something while we were hanging out, but often the dreams ended up dashed by some unfortunate circumstance. Now, he was living his dream.

Adam gave me a faint smile. "All sounds so corny, doesn't it?"

"Not at all. I think it's amazing that you got to fund, produce, write, and direct this film. I saw it myself and it's fucking brilliant, Slack. Really."

He lit up. "Thank you. That means a lot, Grem." He slid his hand across the table and I took it. We squeezed for a moment.

Some devil possessed me as I slipped the recorder back into my bag. "Did you ever find your love slave?"

It was the wrong thing to say. I knew it the moment the words popped out. Adam looked like I slapped him. His eyes got hard, his lips tight.

"I'm not discussing my private life with a journalist."

He made it sound like "whore." In fact, if he'd called me a whore or a slut, it would have been nicer.

"Jesus, man. I'm off the record. Don't get it twisted. Sorry I asked." I remembered all the starlets he supposedly hooked up with. I wondered if any of them were in the Lifestyle. Probably not. Was Adam? Not openly. He would be crucified in public if he ever said he was into BDSM. People weren't that enlightened.

"You should be sorry." He shoved his chair back. "Christ, girl. An admission like that could kill my career."

"I get it. You can trust me."

"Can I?"

"If I haven't outed you by now, I think you can consider me safe. What would be the point?"

His gaze shuttered. "I don't know. Money?"

"I don't want your shitty money, Adam. For fuck's sake."

He knew I was serious if I used his name.

We glared at each other for a long moment. He broke eye contact with a sigh and a slump.

"No. I hate everyone I'm dating. I tried a couple of times but it didn't work."

"I think they have to be into power exchange already, sweetie. You can't just spring it on them, hand them a collar, and hope for the best."

He raked a hand through his thick hair. "Yeah, yeah."

It all slammed home again. Our friendship clicked right back into place. He looked at me.

"Unless you want to do it."

"Do what, now?" I stared at him. He wasn't serious. His lips twitched under his mustache.

"Be my love slave."

I opened my mouth, gulped a bit. Was going to say fuck, no.

And said, "I'd make a terrible slave."

He tilted his head to one side to study me. "Maybe yes, maybe no."

"We don't fuck."

He shrugged. A chill ran through me.

Mistake? Wish? Fantasy? What was going on?

"So, let me..." I swallowed hard. "Let me get this straight. You're looking for a service bottom to be your 24/7 submissive in a free-use Master/slave power exchange? And you have the harebrained idea it could be me?"

"Sure."

"I'm a brat."

He shrugged again. "I already know that." He leaned forward. "You're already in the Lifestyle, aren't you? Don't bother to deny it. Your language gives you away. 'Free-use,' 'power exchange,' 'service bottom.'"

"Fine, I found my way into a club. So the hell what?"

"So did I, though I don't go any more. The paps are on me too hard."

Yeah, that would be a problem for him. "Do you do it in private?"

He looked around. "I shouldn't be talking about this. Not in public."

"Fine. If you want to talk more, let me know." I gathered up my bag. "But you're probably not going to do so. It's too dangerous for you to meet with me-for a lot of reasons."

"I would collar you, Rey, and keep you."

I glared at him. "Keep me? Away from my work?" I stood up. "What am I supposed to do with my life, Master?"

It rolled off my tongue far too easily. I saw the flare in his eyes. Fuck me. Fuck him. No. This was ridiculous.

"Ever hear of hobbies? Or working from home? Working on cars. Making shit with me like we used to do. Fuck it, we can both retire."

"Oh my god, Slack, you can't retire. You'd die. You can't stop your projects. You'd shrivel up into an old dry-ass bone. I'm so out of here. Go collar someone else."

"They won't fucking let me."

I flipped him the bird. "I won't either."

"I love you!" I heard him call as I started walking out.

I stuck my head back in the doorway. "I love you, too. Asshole."

"Fuck you, little Gremlin. If I ever get my hands on you..."

Fortunately, I didn't mind a little degradation. Well, I did, but Adam Sackler was different. And I was screwed.

Chapter 2

Get his hands on me. Adam Sackler could take a flying leap. The only thing was the whisper in my ear that said he would make me a queen. No, his queen. That was it. A slave-god, what a horrific word, even though it didn't mean the same thing in BDSM-speak. It didn't even have to be sexual; it was all about one person making all decisions during the scene. Or the time period allotted: an hour, an afternoon, a day, a weekend, whatever. Very few people could do 24/7. Most Dom/mes didn't want the responsibility for making every single decision for another human being, down to when they were allowed to sip their coffee. It was too much. Still, for an afternoon, high protocol could be fun.

With Adam Sackler, though?

After I wrote up my interview and submitted it for editing, I pulled up Adam's wiki. He wasn't on social media nor did he have a website of any kind. I already knew he had an attitude about that kind of stuff. His acting career was just getting going when we were hanging out together and he had no use for socials. Called them useless navel-gazing bullshit. These days, of course, celebrities hawk themselves and their projects through Instagram. Not Adam's style. No, my Slacker couldn't care less about celebrity status, finding it a nuisance at best. I would bet my career on it.

His photos were all over the internet nevertheless. He'd just finished showing his film at Cannes to great reviews. I looked at the photocall of him at the presser, which I didn't get to attend. Hell, I didn't get the luxury of international travel. He looked polished and professional in a starched white button down with trim black slacks. His hair was professionally styled in waves, a little longer than he'd worn it when I knew him. It covered up those big ears of his which stuck out on the sides of his head. I always asked what tv stations he was picking up with his satellites. Rather than getting mad, he did announcer voices and buzzing static to make me laugh.

The red carpet look had him in a black tux, white shirt, with a bow tie. He looked every inch the celebrity-except for his frown. His publicist hadn't gotten after him about his frowny face, but I could understand why. He looked ready to yell at someone, ready to-

Shit, where was my brain?

He looked like a fucking pissed-off Dom, reading to swat an offending submissive. Christ. I was all over the place. Once that thought occurred to me, I couldn't ditch it.

Moreover, every frowny photo (and there were many) tapped right into the bratty submissive genes I carried in my DNA. I didn't want them. I would've torn them out of my body if I could have, but they wouldn't go away. I wondered idly if that was why we'd gotten along so well. I pushed back on Adam's natural dominance and he enjoyed the sparring.

My phone buzzed in the middle of my musings. It was a private caller.

Not 24/7. Can't do that much.

I knew immediately who it was.

Too hard, he added.

Got it. How long?

Negotiable but no longer than a day or weekend prolly otherwise I'll go cray cray

Scenes?

Yeah easier plus i like you as a friend grem

Yeah me too, slack. Idk about all this. Why didn't we fuck?

Back then?

Yah. I loved you. Still do. As a friend, slack

And fuck us up, feral girl? No you were the only one i could talk to without bullshitty shit. I loved you too. As a friend. Bestie.

You r so cute and sweet. We wouldn't fuck it up now?

He sent shrugging emojis. Maybe maybe not who cares now?

I do!

Lost you, found you again, now i keep you. You be nobody's fucking slave. But mine.

Always have been anyways i guess

Strongest person i know, feral gremlin.

Let me think Adam ok?

Creep you later then.

***

Oh, well, you know I have to try it. You know there's no real choice in the matter. I have no idea how to contact him. Well, that's not true. I have his publicist and she'll take my call, no doubt, and contact Adam. What then? What the fuck do I say to him?

Hi, Adam, let's fuck?

What do I really want from him?

Hello. Spank me, Adam.

Jesus, my brain swirled in a complete circle. Those big hands on my ass? Yes, please.

I pondered my choices: go back to the way it was or try this new thing of being in a D/s-style relationship.

It feels like we need to go out on a date or something first. Can he date? Can we date?

I went back to staring at pictures of glaring Adam. Was I attracted to him as a lover? I had no idea since the image of Adam as he was back in the day slid over top of recent photos. Back then, I'd pushed down any tingles when he was shirtless, working on his ridiculous wood projects, most of which got smashed with a sledgehammer. I'd found him shirtless, breathless, covered in sweat and wood dust, smelling like a sun-warmed deck and spicy deodorant. Those damned plastic goggles rested on top of his head, and when he pulled them down, I couldn't contain a huge bubble of laughter. He looked like a sweaty fish with big ear fins. I laughed so hard, I cried, and he clowned around making it worse.

Still, he smelled good, like a hot, dirty, musky man. Delicious. I remember shoving it down. He was my friend, nothing more.

If I opened that door, what then?

***

Instead of contacting the famous Adam Sackler, I went to the club I'd joined a while back, the Sunset Palace. I hadn't been in a minute, not since I'd broken up with a guy I scened with consistently for a year, though always inside the club. I didn't even want to try for a relationship. We usually grabbed a private room if we wanted to fuck after playing. For the last couple of months, I just felt dry and hollow. Not sub nor brat. Just nothing. I occasionally came to hang out with friends and watch some of the scenes, but mostly they made me sad. I wanted a Dom of my own-or at least someone who would suffice as more than a casual scene partner.

For me, though, scening was a private thing-letting go and getting into subspace wasn't remotely easy for me. I had way too much control and couldn't just snap my fingers and hand it over to somebody else. Even being Dommed by women held no appeal. I was beginning to doubt my interest in being a submissive. Yet, I didn't really want to switch either. Domming some guy wasn't interesting to me. A picture of Adam Sackler on his knees rose in my consciousness. I shoved it down with the rest of the Adam-related content in my brain.

I went into the Sunset with the intent to get a floggy massage from someone-someone who could use the instrument well. Both Ezra and Cassian knew their way around a flogger. I sat with my glass of sparkling water and watched them both.

My friend Rose, the usual bartender at the club, came up and sat with me. "Long time, no see, girlie."

"Yeah, been busy." I hadn't been that busy but she didn't have to know that.

"He's not here." She was referring to Lion, my ex.

"Good. I'm not up for seeing him."

"Who are you looking for?"

She must have noticed me searching. I was still watching the two Doms float around.

"Ezra and Cassian."

"Hmm." She nodded. "Right there. Both of them. Free as birds."

"Yeah," I said. Why didn't I approach them, fall to my knees, and ask for a scene? People did it all the time. What was I doing?

"You can fool yourself all night long, Rey."

Her tone was sharp enough that I looked at her. "What?"

"Who are you really looking for?"

I sighed. "That obvious?"

"Yeah, only to me. You're trolling for someone else."

I took a sip of my water. "He's not here. He's not going to be here."

She cocked her head to one side. "Why not?"

"Complicated," I said.

"I can listen. I'm not doing anything. Hux is fucking around with some machine that's acting up." Her husband and Dom did double duty as a manager of the club.

I explained the situation without using Adam's name. She'd know who he was if I said it. I didn't need a fangirl at the moment.

"Okay, so I don't get why he can't come to the club. You could invite him, get him a day pass."

"Rose, don't even ask me."

Her eyes widened. "Is he... fuck me, is he famous?"

She was too smart for her own good and she knew I was a celeb journalist.

"Rose."

She held up her hands. "Okay, I don't even want to know. It'll kill my love for whomever."

"It probably wouldn't, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that he is a friend, always has been. But now he asked me to do this thing."

"Not 24/7, though."

"At first it seemed like it might be, but he backed off. Probably realized he scared the bejeezus out of me, talking about giving up my job and shit."

"Oh, my God, he'd make you do that?"

"Right, that's what I said."

Rose caught on fast. "But if he has cash, he could be your sugar daddy. What's wrong with that?"

I rolled my eyes so hard, I was sure they were going to pop out. "Do I look like the sugar daddy type to you?"

Rose eyed me. "No, but who cares?"

"I do. I'm not giving up a decent, if sometimes shitty-paying, career to be some playboy's bunny. It took too much to get here." I didn't tell her I used to fix cars for a living, which paid only slightly less than freelance journalism some days.

"Well, why does it have to be all or nothing with you and your person? Why not just... you know, date?"

"I thought of that myself, but we're friends. We've done the dating already."

"And you two never had sex or even kissed?"

"Nope."

Rose shook her head. "Wow. That's unusual. Is he ugly?"

"No," I said. "He's had a glow-up in the past fifteen but even back then, he wasn't ugly. Just a bit of a puppy with too-big hands and feet." Nose and ears. His haircut had been dopey, too. But he still wasn't ugly. I loved his soft lips, his moles and freckles, the way his eyes lit up with mischief.

"Oh, shit, you've got it bad, Rey. You better call this man and-and-I don't know, try kissing him and see if it's there." She leaned in toward me. "I think it's there."

Ezra wandered up. "Hey Rosie, Rey. What's shaking tonight, kittens?"

We lowered our eyes as was protocol. "Master Ezra," Rose entoned.

"Master," I echoed.

"Rey, I heard you were looking for a partner? I'm free."

I looked into his vivid blue eyes for a brief second before dropping mine. "No thank you, Master. I'm heading out."

I sneaked a peek at his surprised face. "Okay. I thought I heard..."

"My apologies, Master. I was at first but I've found someone already. Thank you for your interest."

Chapter 3

Yeah, okay, it was dumb to go to Sunset in the first place with this worm eating a hole in my brain. Adam Sackler-as my Dom? Even for a scene? Yeah, we had to negotiate first and see if there was any chemistry there. A thrill ran through me as I emailed his publicist, Robin, the next day lying through my teeth asking to speak to Adam again about the interview. Could he contact me?

No more than an hour later, I was on my way to his house.

It wasn't safe or sane to put myself in someone's hands for a private negotiation. We were supposed to meet and talk in a neutral location, but neither of us could figure out where that could be. He was recognized everywhere and didn't want to dig into a kink thing in public.

Couldn't blame him.

His security guard buzzed me into the property, a small but lush piece of California land in an exclusive, celeb-heavy neighborhood. I parked in the circle in front of the residence as the huge carved wooden door opened.

Adam came outside barefoot in low-slung jeans, no belt, and a white t-shirt. He looked basically the same as he did when we hung out in New York. He was bigger and the shirt was whiter. Back in the day, he wore no shirt at all.

He trotted up to me and pulled me into a hug. "I'm glad you came."

"It's not safe," I said. Something crazy and choking rose in my throat. The fucker smelled like sunshine, tanning oil, and pool water. I wanted to bite him, eat him like a peach. His nipples would be like small, sweet raisins under my tongue. I pushed the thought away.

"I know." He stepped back with hands on my shoulders. "I regret that we have to do it here, but I would never..." He pressed his lips together and squinted at me in the sun. "Never, Rey. You can trust me."

I could. He was my friend who'd never touched me, except to poke me in the ribs or occasionally hug me. Very occasionally. He was mostly paws off. Which I appreciated at the time. I'm a skittish person after living in foster places with unscrupulous so-called parents. Sure, Slacker was crazy but he was a straight-shooter. If he'd wanted to fuck me, he'd have said so.

He held out a big warm hand, which he'd grown into. Without hesitation, I placed mine in his. He squeezed and gently pulled me toward the door.

It felt like something had begun.

***

We sat poolside with iced tea and papers. An NDA for me to sign-and strangely enough, one for him as well.

"Why?" I asked.

"Protection from me. Not for me, from me." He was serious. He signed it and slid it toward me. "If we're going to do this, I don't want you worried that I'll blab about you."

I narrowed my eyes. "Done this before, have you?"

"Seriously, I'm not talking about other women. Not to you. Not to anyone but my therapist."

"Fair enough," I said. But I knew from the way his eyes shifted that he had indeed negotiated before. To what extent wasn't clear, but I'd bet everything in my apartment that this man had been in a Master/slave relationship before. He'd collared someone in private. Maybe more than one someones.

He tapped the edge of stapled papers against the table and handed them to me. I scanned his interests and limits quickly, then fished in my bag for my own list.

He grinned as he took it from my fingers. "Came prepared. Damn. I was hoping to watch you fill it out."

"Been around this block before."

"Anyone I know?"

"You don't kiss and tell and neither do I."

"It's amazing we never ran into one another."

"I'm late to the California scene and there are so many clubs."

"I had to stop attending." He chuckled. "Disguises don't work so well for me and the clubs themselves are too well-known. I went to some private gatherings but mostly scened here."

I perked up. "You have a dungeon?"

He gave me a haughty look down that big nose of his. "Of course."

"Damn, boy, when do I get a look-see!" I jumped up.

"Sit your peachy ass back down." His voice was soft, a little menacing in all the right ways.

I gave him a sardonic look. "And if I said no?" I stood on trembling legs.

His eyes narrowed. "You want to find out?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"No." He waved a hand at my chair. "Sit while you still can."

A delighted cackle popped out of my mouth and I plopped down hard on my ass. While I still could.

The man hid a smile and tried to look stern. "A brat. Right."

"Eh, you might not like that in a slave." I gave him some air quotes to show my disdain for the term.

"I prefer a different term as well. 'Slave' is outdated and has thoroughly shitty connotations."

"I don't know. Some people enjoy the degradation."

"There are other ways." He shrugged. "Brat."

"Bratty gremlin," I added.

"Feral Bratty Gremlin," he stated. "We don't need 'slave' as a term. We always had our names."

"I'm to call you Slacker? Sir Slack? Master Slacker?" I giggled. Those were too silly.

"You'll figure out what you want to call me when you scream a name." He looked me dead in the eye.

I gulped. "Adam. Jesus, quit scaring me."

"It's my job to scare you. Or else it's no fun. High protocol can be freeing. Punishment is bliss. Degradation, a loving hand."

We hadn't really gotten going yet and already I was beginning to see it. This wasn't goofy Slacker I was talking to. I mean, yes it was, but it was also a Dom-who wanted me to be his submissive. His bratty submissive.

Fuck, he wasn't going to mind a little power struggle. He was going to relish it. We locked eyes.

"Sex," I blurted out.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Are we doing it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. Seems logical to add it into the dynamic."

"You're free-use, right?" I perused his list again. He had free-use near the middle sandwiched between blow jobs and spanking. Cool.

"Within reason, yes." He leaned forward. "I'm not a complete jerk and I like to set up designated times. If one of us isn't feeling well, then free-use isn't any fun."

"Free-use is you, Adam, not me. I'm the submissive."

"You're a brat. Free-use can apply to that dynamic, too. At least in my mind."

I gaped at him. "You mean I freely use you when I want to? Use you as a dildo?"

He busted out laughing. "Yeah. I'd be up for that."

"So to speak." I fanned myself with his limits list. "Jesus, Slack, you're a mess. So stipulated."

"Let's write this shit down someplace."

I picked up the pen and pulled a sheet of blank paper toward me. "I'll play secretary, Mr. Dom-Man."

And the negotiation began in earnest. Rules, punishments, time periods, fun activities, free-use possibilities, protocols. All went into the document.

I handed it to him to read over. He made some corrections and additions and passed it back. We both signed it.

"Move in with me," he said suddenly. "Let's give this a real try."

"That's not on this sheet."

"It should be."

"No, Slack. We need to start slowly-not jump into the fire."

"You don't have to give up your apartment entirely. I was thinking you could live with me for a time."

I shook my head. "I adore you, but no. I need my space to think. And this is so new."

His face fell. "I know. I know why we didn't do it all those years ago."

"Do what?"

"Have sex."

I stared at him. "We decided to be friends, remember? You weren't attracted to a grease monkey like me. With my big, sassy mouth and ugly-ass freckles. I've got no tits. I know."

He stared right back. "No, you didn't want me. You looked at me like I was a toad and laughed at my hair."

"I didn't laugh at your hair, dumb-dumb." Where the hell did he get that idea? I laughed because he looked like a baby giraffe. We met when he brought his bike into the shop to get it looked at. He wanted to borrow a wrench and slipped on the freshly painted concrete floor. He swooped, yelled, and caught himself. His hair slipped down over his eyes. It was funny and I giggled.

Adam thought I was amazing, being a girl mechanic. I fixed his bike for him because he was so amazed. He peppered me with questions, then waited until after I was done with work. We ate burgers and drank gatorade. I was a greasy mess and he was full of wood shavings as usual. But it never seemed romantic-at least not to me.

"What did you laugh at?"

"You nearly bought the farm on the slippery floor. Your hair was a byproduct of that laugh. Of course, if you ever combed the mess on your head, it would have been gorgeous."

Offended, he drew himself up. "I comb it now."

I looked at the mass of floofy waves. "Today?"

He ran a hand through it. "I was swimming. So, uh, no."

I pulled a brush out of my purse. "May I?"

"Yes, if you find an honorific for me."

"May I..." I thought for a moment. "Your worship?"

He rolled his eyes. "If you come over here, I won't be responsible for what I do to you."

"You'd better be." I waved the brush. Then I realized what I had in my hand and what he could use it for.

He saw it at the same moment. "Yeah, you bring your peachy butt over here, little girl."

"Uh," I said.

"Bring that brush."

"For your hair," I said. "We haven't started playing yet."

"Sure. Sure." He grinned wickedly. "Absolutely."

I approached. "No funny business."

He held up his hands.

"I do not trust you."

"Promise. I'm just teasing you. Plus, you love it. You're blushing and your eyes are sparkling."

"Damn my tells."

"I know them all."

And the breath left my body.

I walked around to where he sat, hair in a fluff. He didn't move, but his eyes were alight. Lively. Glowing amber in the fading sun. He was so very beautiful.

For the first time in my life, I touched the soft silk of Adam's hair. It was lustrous beyond my wildest dreams. I ran my brush through his locks, gently tugging at a few tangles. The humming moans he rumbled made my legs melt under me. I raked my hand over his scalp after each brush. He took my hand and kissed my palm. The brush threatened to fall from my nerveless fingers. He nipped it out of my hand and patted his lap.

I stared at him.

"Sit, Gremlin."

"While I still can," I whispered. I sat on his big lap, feeling him becoming hard against my hip.

He stroked the brush through my crop while I puddled into a mass of Rey-flavored goo.

"I like your hair short and sleek like this. You're not ugly. You've never been ugly," he murmured next to my ear. "If you say it again, you get ten smacks with your own brush."

"Yes..." I stumbled over what word to use.

"Find a word for me."

"I will." I paused. "May I speak?"

"Good girl for asking. Yes."

"You're not ugly either. I never ever thought that."

I looked into his wary gaze and realized that's exactly what he thought of himself.

He pushed me to my feet. "I'm a creepy, weird-looking guy who plays a lot of bad guys. I look like an old-timey villain." His lips got tight under his mustache. "Don't sugar-coat it. You know it and I know it."

"Dumb-ass." I said it fondly. "You're wrong."

"You can't tell your Dom he's wrong."

"Watch me." I snatched my brush back and stuffed it into my bag. "I won't let you say bad things about yourself either."

He gaped at me. "Oh my fucking fuck, I'm so dead."

"Yeah, you are." I grabbed up my papers and stuffed those in the bag as well, leaving the contract on the table. "I didn't fuck you because you never asked me." The tears rose from somewhere long ago where I had stuck them. We were friends. We were always friends. Except I would have been with him. Any day, any time, anywhere. But he hadn't wanted me.

"You never asked me, either." He stood. "I was a stupid fuck with..." He gestured at his face. "This mug."

"I didn't care," I said. "I just knew you didn't like me like that."

"Not true," he said.

This was news to me. I think it was news to both of us. We just looked at each other for a couple of beats while the idea sank in.

Next thing I knew, Adam's hand was on my face, cupping it lightly, and his mouth, his divine soft mouth, was mushed against mine. He kissed me hard at first, like a starving man. I grabbed him and jammed myself against his body. His arm locked around my waist. And we kissed. Slobbery, licking, demanding kisses. All tongue and teeth. I didn't care if he drooled all over my face. He was delicious, like sweet tea with hot honey. It was divine.

There was no finesse. We were hungry. He picked me up and plopped me onto the table. He swept the contract down to the tiles and knelt in front of me. Then, he rose and kissed his way down my fully clothed front.

"Slack. Slack. Wait," I said. "Are we going to fuck right now?"

He stopped, breathing heavily. "I don't know. I guess not. This is crazy. We should... it should be different."

"I don't care. I just wanted to know."

"You deserve better than a tumble by the pool like..." He didn't finish but I could imagine him unzipping himself for a starlet and giving her a shagging before sending her on her way. He wanted it to be more than that for us.

"Let me get going, then. Let's set a date and..." I drifted off. "It'll be better planned, won't it?"

I hated the fucking idiot squeak in my voice.

He leaned his forehead against mine. "I agree. It will be better if we plan."

"Will you plan it, Slack?" I meant as a Dom but couldn't quite get the words out.

He shook his head. "No, let's do vanilla."

I dropped my gaze. "Yes..." I couldn't find the honorific.

He kissed my forehead gently. "You'll find it. When you scream it."

Chapter 4

Adam gave me his personal phone number. When I left his house, I scrambled out after he carved his number into my hand with a sharp gel pen.

"If it hurts, you'll remember it," he'd said. Fucker wasn't wrong, though I questioned the wisdom of writing it on my body where anyone could see it.

He'd just grinned and said not to tell anyone what it was.

I'd plugged the number into my phone before rubbing the scratches he'd left behind.

Two days later, I texted him asking for a copy of our contract. It took me two days-two whole days to think before sending him a text-just to see if he would answer me. I waited for an hour before he texted back.

You want a copy?

Yes. Take a photo and send it.

No. No photos on my phone of contracts.

I was annoyed, though I understood the sentiment.

What am I supposed to do if I want to look at it?

Come over. He sent dancing, laughing emojis like the fiend that he was.

Devil Dom.

My honorific?

No.

It should be.

Huh.

Come over and I'll eat you out.

I stared at the message.

No power exchange?

Nope. Just old fashioned fucking.

When?

Now gremlin. Should I send a car?

I have the feeling I would never go home again.

Good guess. I'll tie you up and keep you wet and naked for my use at any time.

My good sir that's not vanilla.

Fuck

I can't anyway. On my period.

... typing

Oh. on my way. Bringing you shit.

You don't have to.

I remembered Adam's caring kindness in the past when he found out I had cramps. Chocolates, heating pad, and, one time, flowers he snitched from a sidewalk garden. He used to lie in my bed, trying to make me laugh by doing tricks and funny voices.

OMW.

Slack?

He didn't answer

Slacker! You don't have to come.

Nothing. How did he know where I lived, anyway?

***

Adam blew into my tiny apartment like a hurricane, bearing a bouquet of roses, a fancy box of chocolate-covered toffee, and a new heating pad.

"I got on the pill. Not that crampy, dude."

"Do you have a vase?" He leaned in and gave me a series of smacking, hard kisses. Did the man kiss softly? I doubted it.

"No."

"Figures." He rooted around in my kitchen for a larger cup, efficiently cut the stems down, and popped the roses in the glass.

I ate a toffee and enjoyed the crunchy texture, buttery flavor, and smooth chocolate coating. They were sweet heavenly jewels in a bed of red tissue paper. I moaned with delight under Adam's amused gaze.

"Having a candy orgasm?"

"Yes. Thank you. Lots better than Heath bars, though I always appreciate toffee." I was a fool for any kind of toffee candy and well Adam knew it.

He grinned. "Glad you like the upgrade."

My couch was already pulled out into a bed. I plugged the heating pad in and slapped it up against my abdomen. Adam dropped his jacket on a chair, stripped off his t-shirt, and lay down beside me. We both sighed at the same time.

"Just like old times." He rolled toward me. "Little Gremlin."

"Except kind of not."

"Fuck me." He snapped his fingers. "I fucking forgot it." He jumped up, tossed his jacket back on, shirtless. "Be right back."

He walked back inside carrying the biggest coffee machine I'd seen outside of a restaurant. He placed it in front of me.

"What's this?"

"It's fucked."

"What did you do?" I fingered it. The thing ground beans, made coffee, steamed milk, maybe danced a jig, and did the dishes. It was a tour de force of a coffeemaker. I had a pour-over strainer and boiled water in a pan. Of course, Adam had to be extra now that he was Mr. Something Else.

"I didn't do shit. The fucker stopped working and it's been sitting on my counter while I use a pour-over strainer like an asshole."

"Great. I'm an asshole."

"You don't still do that shit?" He looked into my kitchen as if a coffeemaker would materialize on the counter.

"It's cheap. And easy. I need a pot, some water, and a filter. Bing Bang, done."

"That's what I'm doing. Bing Bang, you little Philistine."

"Snob."

He rolled his eyes. "Can you fix this thing or should I toss it in a landfill?"

He knew that would get me. I had a thing about salvaging and fixing small appliances-and, well, anything really. I was a good mechanic.

"Come to mama," I said, reaching for the giant beast of a Keurig. "Daddy didn't mean it. He wouldn't throw you away."

"Watch me." He grinned. "Daddy has a nice ring to it."

I tossed the heating pad aside and took the coffeemaker to my little workbench in the corner. "You would like that one, wouldn't you, Brutus? You're not my Daddy and I don't need a father figure."

Cue the music. I knew when I said it, he'd be all over the George Michael impersonation. "I will be your Father Figure..." he wailed. He began to shift his lean hips in a ridiculous dance. Pure, unadulterated Sackler.

"Kill me now," I muttered, looking for my favorite phillips head.

While I worked, Adam kept me entertained with snippets of news he was reading, discussions of AI in the entertainment industry, a possible strike of SAG-AFTRA, and other interesting tidbits. He had amusing insider takes on the news of the day.

I started putting the pieces of the coffeemaker back together after the conversation lapsed into comfortable silence.

"What projects are you working on, Slacker?"

"Daddy," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "What projects, Daddy?" I scrunched my nose. "Doesn't feel right."

"You'll get used to it."

"Doubt it." I screwed the back plate in.

"If you mean film, I'm on hiatus, other than waiting to see if I win some awards."

I turned and waved the screwdriver at him. "You know that's not what I mean. Your woodworking."

His face went blank. "I'm not. I haven't been building."

I stared at him. It was his joy, his passion, to build shit. "Why not?"

"Don't know. Just don't care anymore."

That didn't sound right. "Okay. I don't believe you but okay."

He frowned. "Leave it alone."

"Yeah, like that's my nature. To leave it alone. Sure." I went over to the bed, flopped down, and got the heating pad. "Spill."

"No respect," he grumbled.

"Lots of respect, when you deserve it. Right now, you need to tell me." I rolled on one side to look at him. "I'm your friend, above all else, remember?"

He nodded. "Yep, I do. I know. I know. I forgot what it's like to have you around."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit stalling."

He sighed heavily and smacked his lips. "Okay. So I quit. You could say I got busy-and I did-but it was more than that."

I raised my brows. "Do go on. Who? Who do I need to fight? Which bitch did this?"

He busted out laughing. "You already know it was one of them, don't you?" He leaned over and touched my face. "Feral gremlin. Stand down, baby girl."

"Huh. Nope. Which one?"

"Uh, Jessa."

I rolled my eyes. "Figures. She was jealous of us. She wanted your full attention."

"She got it. I lost my shit with her more than once and we ended up hate-fucking. I loved her and she was so toxic."

"She fit you at the time." I remembered the blonde beauty who was a scared, crazy addict, much like Adam himself. They fit in some really remarkable ways, both being a little depraved and volatile. Still, it had to have burnt out when they moved to Hollywood.

"I still made shit on off days and when she got mad at me, she destroyed my work. Again, more than once." He cut his eyes over to my face. "We relapsed together for a while until I got my head back on straight. In the meantime, she stole my tools and sold every last one for drugs."

"Jesus."

He sighed. "Came home from rehab and found everything missing. I didn't replace anything. I figured carpentry was part of my old New York life and maybe it didn't translate to LA."

"Damn, Slacker. I'm so sorry." And I was. I felt terrible that he'd had to give up his passion for woodworking because his girlfriend couldn't handle it.

He shrugged and sniffed. A sign he was struggling not to actually cry. "All good, though. I managed to hook up with a great therapist because of Jessa's shit. Still go to this day."

Therapy? Adam Sackler? Would wonders never cease? I was proud of him.

"That's wonderful, Slack. We all can use a little help." I'd been through my share of clinicians to get my raggedy-ass shit in a pile.

He blinked back the tears and in a moment they were gone. He smiled at me slowly. I threw myself at him. I could touch him now. I probably would have done that in the old days, too. But it was different now.

He locked his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.

"She's a bitch," I said against one of his big ears.

I felt his smile. "A cunt."

"Did she get it together?"

He leaned back. "Yeah. She went back to New York. Far as I know she got her psych degree and is doing whatever they do."

"Fuck her, then."

"She apologized, but by then I was done."

"Okay." I gazed at his face, searching for the truth. "You don't have to be done, though. You can buy new tools. Make naughty furniture."

He snorted out a laugh. "And get caught doing it. Mr. Sackler, what's this piece?" He said it in a stentorian voice. "A bench, you say? What kind of bench?"

I hooted. "Build me one. You have to."

"I have one already." His eyes sparkled. "Just for you."

"In your personal dungeon?"

"Yes."

I put on my best journalist voice. "Why, thank you for the house tour, Mr. Sackler. Where does this door lead?"

He grinned. "I wanna show you as soon as we can play together."

"Give me a couple of days."

"Of course." He inclined his head.

"Want a blow job?"

He looked offended. "No, not if I can't return the favor."

I shuddered. "Not right now. I'm hurting too much."

"And that's why you need to eat more candy and rest. Quit trying to seduce me."

"You're irresistible." I leaned in and kissed him. Softly. He let me explore his face with my fingertips and press my lips to his moles. We kissed for a long time, enjoying the feel of one another's mouths. I know because he whispered it against my lips.

He left me in a state of ridiculous heat, murmuring that if I touched myself, he would know and would find my hairbrush. I couldn't stop the thrill that lanced through me. Shit, I'd flick the bean just to get that spanking.

Fuck if he didn't know it, too.

Chapter 5

"Let me send a car for you." Adam's voice was deep on the phone.

"Why? I'm still dribbling." It was two days later, but my period didn't want to give it up.

"Yeah, but we can practice some high protocol."

"Doesn't that involve nudity?"

"I might let you wear underwear."

I sighed. "Beast. Brute. You think I'm going to give in that easily?"

A little chuckle tickled my ear. "Yeah."

"I'll drive myself. I'll negotiate with you regarding the protocol."

"Nope. In or out, Gremlin. This is where the rubber meets the road."

"No sex?"

"Not today."

"Good. Feeling yucky."

"I know you are," he murmured softly. "I'll be good to you. Show me you trust me."

I chewed my lip. I did, in fact, trust him. "All right, but I'm driving myself."

"In or out."

"Fuck me!" I shouted at him, losing my grip on my patience.

"Not today." He paused. "I will spank you for yelling, though."

"Not today," I said. Then I paused. "Or..."

His laugh busted out. I swear to God he hooted. And I thought he might have dropped the phone.

"Shut up, Slacker. It's not funny."

"I should have you highlight all the favorite things on your list."

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens."

"I'm sending a car. High protocol all evening. Bring your jammies. I might let you wear them."

"All right."

"All right, who?"

"All right, Slack."

"Hmmm."

***

I found myself kneeling on a pillow next to Adam's feet, while he read emails. Once I walked into his house, he had me stand while he stripped me systematically, down to my panties. I'd never been naked in front of Slack before, but he showed no emotion when I stood before him. Dom face, I called it inside my head. High protocol didn't allow me to speak. He stepped behind me and slid a red leather collar with fur lining around my neck and buckled it in back. A red leather leash clipped on the front. He leaned down and kissed me lightly.

"If this works between us, I'll collar you for real."

I opened my mouth to speak, then clamped it shut. I almost forgot I shouldn't speak without permission.

"Good girl." He stroked my cheek.

Grasping the leash, he led me to an office and the pillow by his desk.

I knelt without complaint.

"I need to do some work. Keep me company."

I nodded and relaxed onto my shins.

But I was restless, itchy, bored. I wasn't the sit-around type-and my legs were going to sleep. I shifted a couple times, then a couple more times.

I heard my own gusty sigh.

At first, Adam placed his hand on my head and stroked my hair to calm me down. It worked for about ten seconds and I was back to looking around.

Sure, it'd been interesting to see this space with all the heavily masculine furniture, but the room itself looked far too old and stuffy for Adam. He needed light and air, not this stodgy, brooding space with floor-to-ceiling mahogany bookshelves. Beautiful workmanship, but not his. He wouldn't be interested in such massive angles and clunky lines. This place must have come furnished-and he never changed it.

Soon, I was back to shifting on my legs and stifling little moans and groans.

"Is there a problem?" His voice cracked over me.

I shot him an annoyed look.

"I see. You have permission to speak."

"I'm uncomfortable."

"Add the honorific."

"I'm uncomfortable, Slacker."

He rolled his eyes. "Not the honorific I had in mind. Cramps?"

"No. My legs are falling asleep. I'm not used to kneeling."

"What else?"

"I'm bored."

"Hmmm," he said. "Okay, then." He rolled his chair back from the desk and touched a button on each side to push the arms down. He locked the chair in place. "Come here. Let me see if I can entertain you." He picked up my leash and tugged me up-and pulled me right over his lap.

"Adam!" I wiggled.

He held me in place until I slumped, resigned to my fate. His giant hand covered my pantied butt.

It didn't hurt. His smacks were light, a little spicy, but more love taps than anything. They jiggled my ass, which actually felt good to my sore uterus. I groaned with pleasure when he rubbed me and squeezed a handful.

"Girl, you have the most amazing ass. It's beautiful."

"Thank you," I muttered.

"No talking." He swatted me harder.

I shifted my hips, lifting into the next smack.

He obliged by moving down to the spot where my ass met my thighs. I rubbed myself against him.

"No dry humping." He pinched me on the thigh.

"Youch."

"No ouching, either."

"Grrrrrr." I beat on his lower leg with a fist, while he cackled like a madman.

I longed to speak my mind. I would tell him that his arbitrary rules were making me nuts. I would tell him I wasn't going to sit at his feet for hours or I'd lose my fucking mind. I would say I was becoming alarmingly horny and wanted him to fuck me.

"All right, Grem. I'll let you up." He lifted me to my feet, then pulled me onto his lap.

I sat stiff for a second, then let him pull me close as he murmured things. Crazy things about how he loved it when I resisted and then when I melted.

I buried my face in his hair and breathed in the scent of his shampoo. Eau du sexy man.

"Let's feed us," he said.

I wanted to speak, to offer to cook, but he gave me a quelling glance and picked up the leash to lead me into the kitchen. I realized I was about to get a famous Slacker omelet. I hadn't had one in years. So I kept quiet, even when he pointed at the cushion on the floor. Apparently, I was not allowed to sit in any seats. I knelt.

"Criss Cross Applesauce, if it's more comfy."

I changed position gratefully and watched Adam cook. He wasn't the best chef, but the omelets were good. He proceeded to sit next to me with one plate and a giant omelet with veggies and melted cheese.

I had no idea where mine was and how I was going to eat on the floor. Adam salted and peppered the food. He cut a piece, blew on it, and held it near my face.

"Open up, darling girl."

I eyed him. I'd forgotten that some Masters liked to feed their submissives. I opened and was rewarded with a smile and a bite. He fed me half the omelet like that. Bite by bite. With sips of water in between. It was a slow process and not something I would have asked for myself. However, for one meal, it was all right. I'd have to negotiate that with Adam later, but for the time being, I would go with whatever he wanted to do.

After dinner, I watched him clean up the kitchen.

"Let's take an after-dinner dip," he said.

I needed to speak. "Master," I said.

He looked at me. "Yes, that's a nice honorific."

I ignored him. "I need to use the bathroom and change my tampon."

"Of course. Meet me out by the pool. We can swim." He showed me the way to the bathroom.

After taking care of business in the most beautiful blue and ivory powder room I'd seen (though still not Adam's taste), I walked down the hall, took a right near the kitchen but veered off through a formal dining room, then through a covered deck and out into the pool area.

Adam stood with his back to me, completely naked in the burnished evening sunlight. His back was broad and golden, more like my skin tone than his usual pale self, his ass as flat and taut as always. I used to giggle about how he kept his jeans up with no ass to hang them on. He would flip me the bird and tell me I got all his ass in my round behind.

I didn't know we were flirting back then.

He turned when he heard me and my gaze flew down his well-muscled chest to the nest of dark hair between his legs and the semi-chubby he sported. His dick was prodigious and I wanted to fuck him immediately.

I would make it happen, right now, new tampon be damned.

He eyed me warily when I stalked up to him, unclipping my leash. "We're done. Scene over."

"You didn't safeword out."

"Red."

"Shit, Rey. Did I fuck it up somehow?" He looked devastated.

"No, no. Sweet man, I just want to be with you right now-just as me, not as a submissive. Just us. Not kink."

He gazed at me. "Okay." He opened his arms and I walked into his sunwarmed body. We rubbed ourselves against one another. Then he bent down and kissed me-a long luxurious kiss. His dick pressed against my belly, but before I could reach down and take hold, he stepped back.

"Just us, you say?" His eyes gleamed green-golden in the sunlight.

"Yeah?" I wasn't sure where he was going.

"Come on!" He tugged me toward the pool and pushed my half-naked ass in.

I came up spluttering while he leapt in with a roar and a huge splash. We swam like dolphins, dunking each other, lying on top of one another's backs to give each other rides. It was glorious. He grabbed a float and crawled on top of it while I treaded water.

"I was going to have you sleep in the cage that I moved into the bedroom."

"Yeah?" I hoisted myself on the second float. "But now?"

"I don't want to. I want to sleep with you in my bed."

"Like when we fell asleep that one time talking all night."

"Yeah." He slicked his hair back over his ears. "Like that. You know, when I had my other submissives living with me, I didn't want that at all. I didn't care where they slept." He looked away from me for a while. "But with you, it's different."

"You wanna know why?"

"Why?"

"Because they weren't your best friend in the whole world."

He paused, searching my face in the twilight. The pool lights came on.

"I guess you're right."

"Adam?"

"Yeah, Rey?"

"Let's have sex, even if it's a little messy."

He nodded. "Great idea. That's what showers are for. Come on, I'll race you to the bedroom."

***

We ended up running like maniacs through the house. I had no idea where his bedroom was and he was a lot faster than me anyway. We jumped on the bed, half wet.

"If we get this bed wet, where will we sleep?"

"This isn't my room." He giggled. "It's a guest room. We can fuck it up and then sleep in my bed."

"Fuck it up or fuck each other."

"Both."

He tucked me underneath him, pulled off my wet panties.

I didn't think he'd go down on me but my man was game. I'd never had a screaming orgasm with a tampon in, but there's a first time for everything. His tongue circling my clit was everything in life that I ever needed.

He pulled the damn thing out with his teeth-one big rip-and spat it into a tissue. I've never been grossed out and thoroughly aroused at the same damn time. The man was a complete lunatic.

Adam allowed me to play with his beautiful self, his firm chest with the tiny brown nipples, his happy trail, his wonderful cock, rising just for me. I sucked him into my mouth, while he tugged on the wet collar around my throat to move me where he wanted me. It was the hottest thing I'd ever done. He made me stop long enough to roar off to his bedroom for a condom. He sang snippets of love songs, mixed with showtunes, and came back with his prize. Once he got it on, he lay with me and pushed himself inside. I was wet, slippery as hell, but it wasn't blood. I was pretty much done, it seemed. The tampon had very little on it.

His dick fit me perfectly-or so it seemed. He pushed in, then pulled out again, faster, harder, bouncing the shit out of me. I let him ride me until he remembered I was there. His thumb slid between us.

"Come for me again," he growled in my ear. "I wanna feel you around my cock."

It didn't take much for it to happen. Just a few slippery strokes of his big thumb and I was gone. He pounded me through the bursting waves.

I screamed his name just as he came, hard, fast, groaning with pleasure, with my name on his lips.

***

We lay cuddled in Adam's real bed, with the human-sized cage on the floor across the room, empty. I might have agreed to sleep in it, maybe, but it didn't feel right to either of us. We were used to being together, if not touching, then in close proximity. We liked lying together on a bed. It was our natural state.

"You said my name," he muttered. "My fucking honorific is my name. No Daddy. No Sir. Forget Master. Just Adam."

I cackled. "Oh, well. Is it better than Slacker?"

He rolled over to look me in the eye. "Yeah. It is. You don't normally call me Adam."

"You know I'm serious when I do."

"Leave it to you, Grem, to be a terrible, bratty sub."

That was the highest compliment he could have given me. I beamed at him. "Thank you, Slack."

He sighed. "What parts did you like?"

"The sex."

He barked a laugh. "That was it? None of the power exchange? Jesus."

I got serious. "No, that's not true. But being a quiet sub is not my thing. I liked the spanking. It was active. We were involved. Also, the swimming. Same reason."

"Are you a service bottom?"

"In the sense that I like reacting and making trouble. I like fixing things, too."

He rolled his eyes. "That I know. You're right. Keeping active, being involved is more your thing. Sensation play?"

"Yeah." I could go for some hot wax or bondage, a little electricity, orgasm denial, overstimulation. Stimulation was key-something active, rather than passive.

I saw the wheels turning inside my man's mind. "Yeah," he echoed. "I've been going at this all wrong. My other subs were different."

"Do me a favor and stop talking about others."

He looked startled. "You're not jealous?"

I didn't know how to answer that. "Yeah, no. Maybe. I don't know. It feels icky to be compared."

"Fair. Fair. I totally get it. One last thing, though."

"Go for it."

"That's why the others didn't work. I thought I needed a service sub, or one who was more of a slave, who would sit at my feet and be quiet."

"Hmmm," I said. He was entirely wrong, like he was wrong about keeping the heavy, ugly decor in this house. He'd had plenty of opportunities to reflect on himself and his life, but somehow missed that piece.

"I found it..." He waved a giant paw.

"Boring is the word you're looking for."

His eyes lit up. "Yeah."

"What did you have the most fun doing today?"

"Spanking you, dunking you, and sex."

"In that order?"

"Not necessarily."

"Let's renegotiate." I yawned. "Tomorrow."

He reached for me and tucked me up against him, snuffling into my hair.

"You're hot, like a gorilla." I shimmied away from him.

"Don't do that, I'll get hard again."

I turned to look at him. "Really? You can go again?"

He looked rueful. "I can get hard again, but go again? Probably not. I fucking came my brains out." Then he winked at me. "You, on the other hand..."

"No, I'm good, too."

Something clicked. A grin appeared on his handsome face. He chuckled. "I know what to do."

"Another time, Slack." I flopped back down. "I'm tired."

"Okay." He was too complacent. I didn't trust it.

"You have plans?"

"Yep."

I was a little scared.

Chapter 6

Adam definitely had plans. I went looking for him the next morning and found him, shirtless, squeezing oranges, pouring coffee, and flopping pancakes on plates, along with eggs, sausage, and hash browns. So many carbs. I was starving, though, and didn't argue when he set a full plate on the table.

"Good morning. Have a seat." He slid butter and syrup, salt and pepper, toward me.

I murmured a greeting.

There was no repeat of trying to feed me. While it had been interesting, feeding me bites had been impractical and a little annoying. I wasn't that kind of submissive.

Adam set his own plate down and took the seat next to me.

"You might wonder why I didn't ask for sex this morning."

I nearly spit out my coffee, while Adam peppered his eggs and poured some syrup on the cakes.

"No, I figured you were being a good service Top and cooking for me."

"I was, but also, I want to renegotiate."

He pulled the folded contract and a pen out of his back pocket. "If you take another look, what's here mostly holds up. But I'd like to add the stipulation that we have primarily active scenes, instead of passive ones where you sit at my feet."

"I'd prefer not to be fed like a child, as well."

"So stipulated." He clicked the pen and scratched some items off. "Maybe we do high protocol for shorter periods of time."

"For now. I could be into wearing the collar and leash and being available for free-use."

"How long?"

I scrunched my nose trying to think. "An evening. Like I can imagine we decide to get together, have dinner, then you collar me and we spend the evening doing whatever with free-use and high protocols in place. I just don't want to sit for hours at your feet and be bored. Let's do something together."

His face lit up with joy. "That's precisely what I was thinking, too. I can develop scenes from the list of our favorite activities."

"But not at a club."

He shook his head. "In my dungeon here or, well, anywhere in the house. We can find a way to work with the furniture."

"Can I see the dungeon?"

"Yes, but only if you agree to a scene."

"Now? Can I finish breakfast and shower first?"

He eyed me. "Yes. You have one hour to prepare. Don't forget to shave everything, Gremlin."

"You prefer that?"

"Not necessarily. But it will remind you that you're mine and you'll do as I ask to please me."

I blinked. "Yes, Adam." The honorific came out of nowhere. My eyes dropped to my plate and my stomach felt fluttery.

He squeezed my hand. "Eat up. You'll need your energy to get through this one."

I could barely stuff more forkfuls of food in my mouth. Adam watched me, softly ordering me to eat another bite when he saw I was lagging.

"Yes, Adam."

"I'll feed you if you can't take another two bites."

That did it. I had decided I didn't like being fed, so I took the bites.

***

The dungeon was down a hallway to the left of the kitchen. It was nestled in a series of rooms that were lighter and brighter than the hallway that housed Adam's rooms. That was odd because it seemed like heavy decor would suit the intent of the dungeon better. However, the walls were painted in tones of soft mustard yellow, rust, and cool Mediterranean blue. The curtains were thick, the oatmeal-colored carpet soft. A St. Andrew's cross stood in one corner, while a bench and a swing dominated the center. A sitting area with a couch and two wing-back chairs were tucked in a corner. A wet bar with a small refrigerator completed the room.

I touched the bench with its wide base, knee and arm rests. "You didn't make this furniture."

Adam walked up to me with the collar and leash I'd worn last night. "Shhh, darling Gremlin. It's time for some protocol, if you're willing."

"Yes, Adam." I held my chin up for him to put the collar on me and clip the leash.

"We'll talk about furniture some other time. Right now, you need to strip."

"May I speak?"

"Yes. One sentence, then ask permission again."

"I'm finished with my period."

He put his hands on my shoulders. "Look at me."

I looked up into his eyes.

"Good, though it wouldn't matter to me. Understand? Nod." He gave me a quick kiss.

I nodded.

"Strip."

I peeled off my top, my shorts, and my underwear.

"Kneel."

I did as I was told. The carpet felt soft under my knees. I dropped my eyes and resisted the urge to grab ahold of his dick through his pants. I could whip his jeans down and suck him off. It would be glorious to make him squirm under my tongue. Still, I was honor bound to stay silent and let him take control.

He stroked my hair. "Beautiful, beautiful feral gremlin. I'd like to tame you, but I'd miss your fire."

I smiled to myself. This could work. This could be wonderful if he liked my energy.

He tugged at the leash. "Up you go." He led me to the bench.

I scrambled up and onto the arm and leg rests, letting my body rest on the padded surface. I felt myself slipping away into subspace already.

He strapped me down.

"This is not punishment. We're just doing some sensation play. Status? You may speak."

"Green."

"Do you agree to enjoy sensation play? You may speak."

"Yes, Adam. Absolutely."

"I'm glad." He touched my bottom lightly. "Let's warm you up. Safeword is red. Use it if you need it and we'll stop altogether. Say yellow and we'll check in."

I closed my eyes and soaked in the gentle spanks, pattering like rain on my upturned ass. He swatted softly, then harder, then crisply, varying speed, location, and intensity. It relaxed me, made me feel like mashed potatoes, dripping with butter.

"Paddle next," he said. "Status."

"Green," I mumbled. "Good and green." He swatted me soundly with a round stinging paddle. "Youch," I added.

"Too youch? You may speak."

"Perfect youch," I said.

He peppered me with swats, overlapping the paddled areas to make sure every inch of my butt and thighs were covered. I began to sweat a little when he went over certain sections a second time. I panted through the sweet pain, relishing the warmth after the sting. It was beautiful. I was sliding, running, slipping somewhere. I couldn't move, yet I was moving.

Then he was sliding his hands over me again, squeezing, igniting the sting. He traced down my ass-crack into the slippery mess of my shaved pussy, fingering my clit just once. I wiggled madly in the restraints, begging for his finger to return to that spot.

He spanked me with his hand. "No talking. Would you like some spoon? It stings like the devil. Nod."

I nodded vigorously and received a series of horrible stings from the small wooden spoon. I had no idea how something so small could leave me squirming to get away. My wiggling got more intense to the point where my Dom held me down with his arm.

"Oh, that smarts, doesn't it? Good girl. Good girl. You're taking it. Everything. And more."

He rubbed my ass, taking the sting away for a moment. Then he began to swat me again up and down my legs.

He lightly pussy-spanked me until I thought I might come from the touch of the spoon alone. I howled in ecstasy. He stopped and spanked my butthole with swift, sharp movements.

That really hurt. Yet, I was ready for the pain when it came. I just knew he wouldn't be able to resist spanking my asshole when it came right down to it. The thing was right there in his face and the spoon must have fit there nicely because he spanked me a couple of times while I yelled. To be honest, I almost came from the impact.

But I was a girl who always needed more direct stimulation when it was all said and done.

I should have been careful wishing for stimulation because that was on its way, even though I didn't know it yet.

I felt Adam kneel behind me and I groaned at the first touch of his tongue on my flaming ass. He circled the puckered entrance and licked it to soothe my sore tissues.

I called his name through gritted teeth. He nipped my ass cheek.

"Shhh." Then he lifted his head. "Status? You may speak."

"Green," I squeaked out.

"Okay." He dived back in, this time slurping on my cunt lips.

A strangled noise burst out of me as he explored. Finally, he slid his tongue against my clit. A couple of licks and I went off like a fucking rocket.

I cried out his name again and dug my fingers into the arm rests. The aftershocks went on as he continued to tease. I tried to shove my whole crotch in his face but was stymied by the restraints. I came again with a roar. The second orgasm was deeper and richer, somehow fuller, than the first one.

"Adam, Adam."

He lifted his head. "I hear you and you're not supposed to be saying words."

"I can't help it," I muttered.

"Okay, then." He unclipped the restraints. "Scream my name all you like."

He helped me up to my feet. I almost fell. He scooped me up in his arms but instead of heading for the aftercare couch, he carried me to the sex swing.

I was about to get fucked. Fantastic.

He strapped me in while I licked my lips in anticipation. I felt so empty and I wanted that big dick of his inside me again.

"Still with me?" He looked into my glazed eyes.

"Yes, Adam."

"Good. Ready for more? Status?"

"Green?"

"Is that a question? You may speak."

"More? More what?"

He tsked. "What kind of Dom would I be if I ruined the surprise?" He looked delighted with the whole scenario. My stomach flipped. What was this man going to do to me? I was half-aroused again and half-frightened-though not really. I trusted him with my life. He would never hurt me.

Instead, he wanted to torment me in this delicious power exchange.

My legs were wide apart and I swung gently when he walked out of my sightlines. Shit. What was he going to do?

I heard the buzzing before I saw the vibrator. It was small, a little purple bullet, which he held between his fingers. He was going to use this thing on me.

Diabolical. I didn't know if it was going to be orgasm denial...or...

Nope, he was going to overstimulate me. I asked for stimulation and this was a Dom's answer to such a request. I groaned.

I was going to come my fucking brains out.

That little-ass bullet had settings. A low setting for my clit, higher settings for the lips of my pussy, and a positively nasty panoply of buzzes and sharp bursts of power for maximizing orgasms. Adam used every last setting on me, shifting to low when I maxed out my capacity for coming.

I don't know how long we were there. Time lost its meaning. I lost my damn mind after five ridiculously strong orgasms.

He watched my face, noting every single little thing, every sigh, every lip bite, every scream when another wave hit me.

I had to fucking safeword out.

He stopped the vibrator. "Good girl."

"Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me."

"In a little while," he said, unbuckling me.

"In the swing. Fuck me, Adam. Jesus."

"No demands."

"Yes, demands. Scene is over. I need your dick." I clutched at him.

"Brat." He held my hands because I was heading for his zipper. "All right. Let Daddy get it together here."

He stopped messing with the straps, walked away presumably to get a condom. I swung gently, cunt on fucking fire, ready to holler at him again if he didn't hurry up and give it to me before I went up in flames.

He walked back over naked with the condom already on. He adjusted the swing to the right height, lined himself up, and sank into me with a groan. Then he pulled me back and forth, so I was speared repeatedly on his dick. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. He filled my swollen cunt so good, so right. It felt perfect. He was perfect and I wanted him to be mine forever.

The scene had really gotten to him. He fucked me hard and fast and he didn't last all that long, which was fine by me. I couldn't come again even if I wanted to. I was beginning to feel sore. His orgasm rocked him up on his tiptoes and back down. He held himself inside me for a few moments, twitching through aftershocks. He'd tied me up again so I couldn't touch him. I knew from the contract that he was a bondage Dom when it came to sex. He loved tying me up and using me, especially if I couldn't touch him. He wanted to do the touching. We'd have to do vanilla again so I could.

We lay together in a heap on the aftercare couch, drinking water and toasting our successful scene.

When we could speak again, he asked me, "Best part?"

"Hand spanking, eating me out, and first two vibrator orgasms. You?"

"Sex, spoon spanking, and the last two vibrator orgasms. You were so far into subspace, it wasn't even funny."

"I was." I snuggled against him. "Where are we right now?"

He laughed. "No idea. Like the old days when we would fuck around for hours doing nothing and then realize the whole day was gone."

"What did we do?"

"Not this. Too bad. I fucked it."

I swatted his shoulder. "Don't say that. You didn't fuck it. You were my friend."

"We could have been having sex."

"Eh, we had better things to do, like talk and feel close to each other."

"This is better."

I really couldn't disagree with him.

Chapter 7

The little shop, Sharp's Gifts, with its crystals, incense, t-shirts, and pillow pets, was a front for its more salacious kink offerings in the back room. When I stopped in, I was looking for a sexy little gift for Adam, a soft flogger that I used to enjoy, which he might like using on me. I knew they were handmade by none other than my ex-Dom Lion. I wasn't too thrilled with him as a partner, but his workmanship was good. Unfortunately, he himself happened to be there when I walked into the back room. He had a short blonde in tow, who was placing his leather floggers on a rack, while he scrolled his phone.

"Hey, Rey." He gave me an air kiss. The woman looked up from her duties and nodded at me. "Oh, this is Harmony. She's not allowed to speak in public."

Lion and I used to argue about that particular protocol. I couldn't get behind being silent, but I had to hand it to the petite woman.

"Harmony," I said, with a nod. She nodded at me, her gold chain collar glinting in the light.

"She's my slave." Lion beamed.

"I'm happy for you." I tried to sound sincere. I was mostly happy it wasn't me.

Harmony kept her chin tucked to look at Lion's feet after she finished her task. I looked into his face. "I'm here for one of your floggers."

He raised his tawny brows. "Really? Don't the Doms at Sunset have their own? I thought most everyone bought them when I ran that sale. I don't know how I feel about a submissive buying a toy."

I ignored his idiot statement. "They did. I just want one of my own, thanks." I didn't want to tell him about Adam.

"Switching it up? I always suspected you were more of a Domme than you copped to."

"No." I said it before I thought. My bad because he latched on.

"A new Dom, then. And he's letting you buy? My, my, my." Lion leaned in. "Maybe...he's making you buy it. As part of a scene?"

I sighed. "Lion-"

He rocked back on his booted heels and stroked his blonde beard. "Does he know?"

"Know what?" I felt a wave of exasperation roll over me. I didn't want the third degree from this fucker.

"That you're a dyed-in-the-wool brat who needs a very, very firm hand, preferably on your ass?"

I drew myself up. "I'm not at liberty to say who knows what about what."

"Ah. So outside the club, then."

Harmony raised her eyes and looked at me from behind Lion's back. Her eyes were narrowed.

"None of your beeswax."

"Harm's outside the club, too. She was collared for a time with an unknown Dom who wouldn't go to clubs. Suspicious, right?"

"No, there are a lot of people in LA, Lion. Sunset is one club among many. Maybe he was from a different location."

"I supply them all, you know that. If there's a Dom who doesn't have one of my floggers, he's outside the network. Like hers."

"Not interested. I just want a fucking flogger." My voice got louder.

A clerk came rushing back in a wave of patchouli oil. "I can get you one."

"And this lube, too." I picked up the nearest tube. It read "Fuck Sauce." If I'd been in a better frame of mind, I would have found it funny. Slacker would love it.

"Enjoy your new Dom, Rey," Lion said. He picked out a purple leather flogger and handed it to the clerk. "She'll like this one."

Harmony darted another quick look at me. She nodded once in acknowledgement. Lion would beat her ass if he saw her. I thanked my ex and turned away from the couple, heading to the front to pay.

***

The strange, journalistic feeling in my gut wouldn't go away. I didn't know what was going on with the woman Lion collared, but she had given me that very significant look that I couldn't stop thinking about. The next afternoon, I headed over to Sunset Palace to see if Hux and Rose were there. Maybe one of them would know Harmony and her story. I couldn't shake the feeling she was trying to size me up-or something.

It was early-too early for the place to be fully open. There were quite a few cars in the lot, though, and when I went in, I found a Munch happening. Rose was tending bar, pouring non-alcoholic drinks for people. I bellied up to get a sparkling water and ask some questions. I guessed that Harmony knew something I didn't know, but I supposed that Lion would never let me speak to her alone. He was just that kind of Dom, which always drove me nuts. I'd never seen his submissive before in my life, but she seemed to know me. Maybe Rose would have some ideas.

"You've been scening off site," she said, first thing out of the gate. No one got anything past Rosie. She was sharp, that one.

"Now, how do you know that?" I sipped my water.

"You've got that golden glow about you. Like a well-satisfied subbie. He must be good."

"No comment. I'm not here to talk about me, Miss Thing. I'm here to gossip about Lion."

"Ah." Rose polished a glass, like a bartender in the movies. Like she was just waiting to listen to all my troubles.

"I was at Sharp's and ran into him there. Is he still coming here?"

"On and off." Rose frowned. "I'm not supposed to spill secrets, Rey. You know that."

"What? I talk to you and you don't say a word?"

"I can ask you how you're feeling about it all."

"Oh, goodie. That's useful. No, Nosy-Rosie. I need info."

Rose sighed heavily and picked up another glass.

Before I could ask my next question, a short man with sparse gray hair came up to the bar.

"Hi, ladies." He smiled. "I'm D'or. I play music. How are you today?"

"Fine." Rose beamed at him. She was always a sunny person and took Munches seriously.

I tried not to roll my eyes. I wasn't there to schmooze with wanna-be kinky people.

Rose set a glass with ice in front of him. "Sunset Special on the house." She poured some juice and a hit of Sprite. "Are you enjoying the Munch? What's your story, Sir?"

He took a drink. "Yes, thank you. I'm looking for a permanent sub."

"Not right away, you're not, Sir." Rose gave him a stern look. "You need to get to know people first. That's how this works."

"How rude!" He grinned. "Hey, are you a brat?"

I'd had enough. I needed to speak with Rose. "I'm a brat. Rose is married. Look-"

All he heard was the word "brat." "Do you need a spanking, little miss?" He eyed me.

I stood up. "Not today." I nodded at the little bartender and the annoying Dom. "Rose, it's been lovely. Mr. D'or. Excuse me."

"Wait, Rey. Excuse me, Sir." Rose waited while the man gaped at her. "We submissives need to talk in private. Please, Sir. Take a hike for a minute."

"You bitchy little sub. If you were mine..."

Rose's black eyes went cold and flat. "You don't want to speak to submissives like that, baby Dom. It's disrespectful. Take yourself off before I report you and get you blacklisted..., uh, Sir." No club in town would take D'or if that happened.

The man snapped his mouth shut. Rose and I stood and watched him leave.

"Well, there's a lesson on Dom/sub dynamics for him," I said after he got out of earshot.

"I'll report his ass anyway, but we won't blacklist him, yet."

"Subs rule."

Rose giggled. "Sure do." She paused. "So, wait, you saw Lion's slave, Harmony?

"Yep," I said.

"All right. Look, she's a new member. Came from across town, from the Den, but she was collared for a while in someone's house. Don't know who-some Dom who's not in the network. She's a little pillow princess submissive from what I know of her. Hope she likes Lion. She was heartbroken by the other Dom, I guess. That's all I know."

"She seemed okay with Lion." I shrugged. "Anyway, who cares who he's collared? Here's the point. I think she knows me."

"Wouldn't be surprised. You're a known celebrity journalist. People see your interviews on YouTube and in all those places you publish. She must have seen your stuff."

"Hmm," I said, my mind working a mile a minute. "She was giving me significant looks like trying to send a message."

"I shouldn't tell you shit, but all right," Rose snorted. "Since it's you and I know you won't leave it alone." She leaned over and lowered her voice. "It's rumored that the celebrity in the Lifestyle might have collared her. Someone who used to go to the clubs and doesn't anymore once they got famous. That wouldn't be your guy, would it?"

"No," I said, immediately. "Doubt it." I wished I hadn't told her about Adam. I was learning that NDAs didn't stop speculation. "You know there could be any number of celebs in the Lifestyle. They would be closeted, of course. I don't know any real celebrities. I just interview them, but make no mistake, these people don't think I'm their friend."

Rose narrowed her eyes for a minute and watched my expression. It gave me the willies, like Rose Tico could see inside my soul. To see the lies I was telling.

I tried to keep a bland expression on my face.

She placed a glass on the counter slowly, deliberately. "Anyway, it's rumored that this celeb might have collared someone at his or her home. That person is out of network now. But Harmony could be that slave. I don't know any more than that."

"That's fine," I said, absently, thoughts racing. Rose confirmed what I already knew. Harmony was probably the ex-girlfriend.

***

I nearly barreled into the tiny blonde sub as I strode out the door toward my car. Lion was nowhere in sight.

"Hey," she said. "I wondered if you would be here."

I stood on the sidewalk outside the club and watched her. She could barely look at me, even though she didn't have to stand on protocol with another sub. In fact, she didn't have to do protocol at all. "What can I do for you?"

"I miss him," she said.

"Who, Lion?"

Harmony shook her head and her blonde locks fell forward onto her face. She was ethereal. I was a moose. With freckles. Her skin pinked with a pretty blush.

"No, I like Lion a lot. He's a good Dom, but I miss my other one. He uncollared me. I made him do it and I wish I hadn't."

"Oh," I said unhelpfully. I had an idea what she was talking about, but I wasn't going to help her. She'd have to tell me outright, if she wanted me to know.

"I can't say his name or who he is. I'm bound by an NDA." She paused. "But you should know I miss him and I wonder if he misses me." She looked around. "I gotta go. Lion's got a tracker on my phone."

"He's going to whoop your ass, girl," I said.

"I know." She smiled. "It'll be great. Enjoy the flogger. My ex knows how to use one."

Harmony twinkled her fingers at me as Lion rumbled up in his favorite black Caddy to retrieve her. It needed a tune-up. The alternator was about to go, maybe the muffler, too. Why didn't people fix their damn cars?

"Is it Adam?" I shouted over the rumbling engine.

I don't think Harmony heard me. She blew me a kiss. Didn't matter. I already knew who she was talking about. Had to be. Goddammit.

Chapter 8

I kept secrets with the best of them, but it was hard not to scream over to Adam's house and demand to know who he'd collared and if it was indeed Harmony. Once I thought about it, I decided I didn't want to know who he'd loved in the past. I already had it up to the chin with every damn woman he dated back in the day. Everyone but me. I shook my head at my retroactive jealousy. I was a mess. The thought of him with another petite blonde, like that creature Jessa, made me want to upchuck on Adam's giant feet.

The only thought that kept me content was that he'd dropped Jessa and he uncollared Harmony-for different reasons, sure. Still, neither of them felt right for Adam. And I was hoping, beyond hope, that I would be the one for him. It hit me right about then that I was-and perhaps always had been-in love with Adam Sackler.

***

I decided to keep that piece of information to myself for a minute, while we continued to explore our Dom/sub dynamics. Adam and I planned a free-use Friday night, after I finished my current celebrity assignment (which made Adam roll his eyes). He asked me if I trusted him to set it up and run the scene. I told him I did but once I entered the dungeon, the hungry look on his face made me blink.

It was gone in a flash when he hugged me close and kissed me, hard, as usual, smashing his nose into my cheek and acting like a Viking conquering my lips.

"Now," he said, looking into my eyes. "Let's begin. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Adam." I tried to look as submissive as possible. I felt the familiar tingle in my belly.

"Strip. Kneel."

I complied. He stroked my hair as he walked around to fasten the collar, then the leash, on me.

"Hands," he said.

I held them up and he placed fur-lined cuffs on my wrists.

"Open."

I looked at the ball gag in his hand.

He raised his brows. "Status?"

"Yellow."

"Not sure about the gag?"

"No, Adam."

"Tell me why, Gremlin. It's to keep you safe."

I looked up at him. "How? If I need to safeword out..."

"I have a toy to squeeze. Three times is your safeword."

"How does it keep me safe?"

"Your mouth might run away from you and you might say something I have to punish you for. You get snarky, my sweet feral girl." He stroked my hair again. "I'd prefer to punish you for other things-or nothing. Funishment is fun. Punishment might not be. Besides, I'd like you to lose some of your autonomy. Speech, movement-two of my favorites."

"Yes, Adam." I understood what he was getting at. If I was free to speak my mind, as a bratty sub, I might get in trouble. I might like to find other trouble to get into, though he wasn't going to tell me what that would be. I could live with that, though I wasn't a fan of drooling on a ball gag for too long. "Green," I added.

"Open." He slid the gag into my mouth and fastened it around my head. I gagged slightly and squeaked the ball once.

Adam stroked my hair. "If it gets to be too much, safeword out with two squeaks-that'll be for the gag only. Three to stop the scene."

I nodded, wondering how long I would last. I trusted Adam to keep me safe and respect my limits.

He sat me in a wingback chair with padded arms, tucked my hands around my back, and used something, another leash perhaps, to tie the cuffs together loosely. I had some movement and I was comfortable. My legs were next. Adam opened me up with a leg on each side of the padded arm and scooted my butt forward so it was lined up with the edge of the chair. He blew a stream of air on my freshly-shaved pussy. I sucked in a breath and made a small sound. Gooseflesh stood up on my arms. I wanted to say his name. I wanted to say holy shit. I wanted to say anything.

I needed the gag. He wanted me to feel without words. Okay. I settled in.

"Dearest sub," he said. "I can't tie your legs to this chair. You're on your honor to keep these knees over top of the arms." He poked at the chair. "I'd need to cut a hole in this to make a place to tie you down. Hmmm." I watched his carpenter's brain kick into gear. His fingers probed the place where he would consider making the cut. "Yeah, right here."

I wanted to tell him he should do it. Why the fuck had he given up carpentry? I knew why and it pissed me off. I may have growled a little.

His quick grin told me he knew what I was thinking. "She's not here, stand down, soldier."

"Beat her ass," I mumbled, though it came out sounding like "eah her ahhh."

Adam outright giggled but smacked my inner thigh. I tried to move it.

"No talking, subbie." He held me down and spanked my thigh smartly. "No moving either."

I yowled as much as the gag would allow.

"Yeah, see, see why we're gonna need a fucking hole or two in this chair?"

Thus began a series of lovely torments. Adam stripped down to his low-slung jeans and proceeded to tease me with tongue, nipping teeth, fingers, vibrators, his own bare-ass cock, which he wouldn't put all the way inside me. I learned the meaning of just the tip and decided I would murder my Dom when I got free. I was on fire. I was on the edge of coming each time he pulled away, each time he slipped in a little further but never all the way. If I moved I got a pussy- or thigh-spanking which hurt like the devil. I couldn't even hiss appropriately with the gag.

Finally, when Adam turned away to find some other source of amusement for me, I snapped the strap that held my hands in place and the velcro gave way. Clever. That was the plan all along, I surmised. Get me worked the fuck up, then leave me with a way out. I was going to try to make myself come and let him catch me. Then we could have funishment and maybe do the whole thing. Maybe. I wouldn't underestimate the devious Sackler mind.

Didn't matter, I was too far gone to care. I tucked fingers into my own pussy and began to circle my clit.

Adam found me and roared. He dropped the candle he was holding. My brain registered wax play but I was too far gone to care.

"You little whore, you. I'm gonna... Get those fingers out of your cunt!"

"Make me," I grunted, trying to come. Except of course the words were "ache ee." Not very threatening, to say the least.

"If you come, I'll spank you every day for a week."

"Do it. I don't care. Fuck you." Oo it i ont air uh oo.

"Fuck me? Fuck me? You, Gremlin, are in trouble now." He hauled me up and over his shoulder while I squealed and squalled. He plopped me down over the arm of the couch with a hand on my back. "I'm going to strap the living shit out of you, bad girl."

I slumped. Okay, good. Strap me, Daddy. I could take it.

Or-damn, that thing stung like fuck, but the fire licked me so nicely. He strapped my ass and my thighs from the top of the curve down to my knees. I couldn't stay still or silent under the thin leather. The velcro caught me a couple of times to add to the sensation. My wiggling on the couch arm further inflamed me.

"Don't you dare try to come now. Bad girls don't get to come." He strapped me again to punctuate his words.

"Yes, Adam," I tried to say.

"Shush," he barked.

He stopped swinging the strap long enough to pick up the flogger I'd bought him. I moaned as he covered my back with soft thuds in a waterfall pattern. He got into a beautiful rhythm that thumped my back like a massager. My desire grew deeper, stronger with each burst against my back, then my ass, and finally my legs. I groaned louder, beginning to call his name and beg him to let me come.

Adam threw the flogger down, paused to unzip, roll on a condom, and tease me with the tip. He was serious this time and finally, finally speared me fully with a low growl.

I almost screamed as he buried himself in me. I was so sensitive and swollen that his dick plowed right inside to hit me in all the right ways. I'd had enough of the gag and scrambled to unbuckled it. I felt his fingers brush mine away as he unlatched it and threw it to the side. Then he withdrew and flopped on the couch.

"Ride me, baby. Do it." He opened his arms as I crawled up to impale myself on him. We both groaned as I found a rhythm I liked.

"I shouldn't allow you to come," he gasped. "But I'm not a sadistic Dom."

I mumbled into his hair. "Let me come, Master, please. I'm begging. Begging you to let me. Master, Daddy, Sir, Adam...."

He slipped his thumb between us and it didn't take long at all for me to scream out his name again. I swear I almost lost consciousness when the waves of pleasure took me. I was seeing double, hollering like a wild thing.

Adam followed me into glory, bucking upward sharply for the last strokes, his pants still half on. Neither of us gave a damn.

We rocked and muttered at one another, groaning and sweaty.

"Manwhore," I whispered. "You fucked me up."

"Little cockslut. You fucked me up forever."

"I'm only a slut for your cock."

"I'm your manwhore. Yours alone," he answered.

We lay in a contented subspaced/Domspaced-out heap for a long time after that. Free-use Sackler-style was a success. And I was feeling like being a cockslut and maybe even a little bit like a slave to this beautiful, amazing man.

The following day, Adam ordered the tools needed to modify the chair. We were in the carpentry business again.

Chapter 9

In Adam's Dommy brain, free-use meant a weekend of what he called "fluffy cuffs" and nudity. He collared me and used red leather leashes to tie me to furniture that he'd modified. He'd been busy in his new workshop, which is where he tied me first-on a pillow next to his workbench.

"Free use starts now." He crouched down to test the knot again. "Safeword?"

"Red."

He looked into my eyes. "Use it if you need it. Do I have your consent now?"

"Yes, Adam." I lowered my eyes and felt a tingle in my body.

He popped safety glasses and a mask on my face while he worked on a project across the room by the big circular saw. The smell of the raw wood intoxicated me. He was shirtless with big gloves and the ever-present low-slung jeans. Every so often, Adam smiled at me behind his mask, eyes crinkling in a friendly way behind the goggles. He still looked a bit like a sea-creature, but he was beautiful to me, all sweaty and panting.

"Is it better than sex?" I asked when he paused the saw.

"No, but I enjoy it in a different way." He pushed his glasses up and his mask down with one gloved finger. "It's satisfying. I get into a kind of calm headspace working with my hands."

"Dom space?"

"Almost."

I wiggled in my bonds. My wrists were tied to my ankles. The only ways to move involved me exposing myself more, knees spread out or drawn up.

"Roll over, if you're uncomfortable."

I gave him an annoyed look. "My butt will be sticking up."

"Um hum. Yeah." He grinned, putting his mask back up and tugging the glasses down.

"No thanks," I said.

"Do it anyway." His voice was low and demanding.

After a pause where we locked eyes, I lowered my gaze and rolled over like a crab. I pulled the pillow under my knees. And there I was, in child's pose, more or less. Face on the floor.

That's when the free use started. I felt Adam's heat behind me, heard him unzipping, heard the condom wrapper, and groaned like a fool as the desire shot through me. My ass was in the air. Everything on display for him, my Dom.

He fucked me hard and slipped a finger between my legs to make me come on his cock. I was delirious by the time he lay down next to me, breathing hard through his mask. He reached out and removed my glasses, then pushed his own upward.

"Were you waiting to do that?"

He kissed me, bringing the scent of aroused man and hot wood into my nostrils. "Yes."

"Unclip me, please, Adam." I tried to ask nicely.

"Hmmm, no. Are you green?"

"Maybe edging toward yellow."

"Stay until then."

He got behind me and licked me clean, ass, juicy pussy, with special attention to my swollen little clit which perked up again. He ate me so good until I came again, forgetting all my discomfort.

Soon, though, I began to hurt. "Yellow."

Adam came back over and rubbed my legs and wrists. "Can you take more? For me? Just for me?"

"Yes." It wasn't about me. It was about pleasing him, my Dom. He wanted to see if I could let go and give him control. Even with some pain. Could I allow him to give me pain?

Was it sexy? To be touched, rubbed, licked. Yes. To let him give me pain? Yes.

"Yellow, Adam. May I be allowed to roll over again?"

"Yes, you may."

I flopped on my side like a fish and lay twitching from exertion.

"Can you get on your back?"

I rolled onto my back and he was there, massaging me, pressing my legs this way and that to relieve the stress. I lay on my back like a turtle and contemplated the ceiling, contemplated safewording out, contemplated how I could move myself into different positions. I was lost in meditative movement of my limbs when Adam appeared above me. He unclipped my bonds.

For the rest of the weekend, I lost myself in whatever subspace Adam placed me into. I was nothing but a body. He bathed me, bound my hands, clipped me to all the furniture, and stuffed me full with cock, tongue, fingers, vibrators. I loved it.

I would not, however, allow him to feed me or gag me and he respected those boundaries well, though he may have been disappointed when I refused both. He imposed silence on me, which did not work. I couldn't stop opinions from flying out when in subspace.

"Just feel," he said over and over.

"I can't." I was exasperated with myself, too.

"I'll punish you."

"Do it." It came out more defiant than I wished but there it was.

Adam clipped my cuffs together, tossed me over his shoulder, and dropped me into the shower. He pushed my hands down on the bench and moved my legs apart. He turned the shower on warm, left, and returned. I had no idea what he was doing until the first swing of the belt. I gritted my teeth, refusing to make a sound, though eventually I called his name, then I called Red.

He dropped to his knees behind me and kissed every welt he'd left behind. Every one of them. Every single one.

Before I left that evening, while Adam spread soothing oil into my ass and legs, he asked me to stay, to move in with him.

I almost said yes.

In the end, though, I refused.

***

We argued about it over coffee the next weekend, when I came to stay. I was terrified, frankly, of losing myself. The relationship he wanted wasn't what I was used to.

"You gain an us," he said.

"Back in the day, we decided not to be roommates, remember?"

He cocked his head to one side. "Now, why was that? Oh, yeah. I thought you didn't want me. Now I know you do." He sighed. "Okay, but you're with me most of the time."

"It's been a month, Slack."

"Seems longer."

"It isn't."

"Okay, fuck it, then." He grabbed a rubber spatula. "Bend it over, brat. This is free-use weekend time."

"Not right now and not while you're in this headspace." I could tell he was annoyed with me, irritated that I didn't just jump when he snapped his fingers. I didn't care what other kind of kink we got up to, I wasn't doing dubcon. And I was pretty dubious at that moment.

He waved the spatula around. "All right. Yeah. Give me five." He walked off to his workshop. Hammering, sawing, drilling ensued. I wasn't invited.

Though tears stung my eyes, I bit down hard on the knowledge that Adam couldn't play a scene-emphasis on "play"-when he was in a mood like this one. If he was angry, he'd hurt me and he was too responsible to take that chance.

I knew this man, whether he liked it or not, and he could be volatile. He'd calmed down quite a bit since I met him, but he used to say and do things that got him into trouble. Three months ago, he'd bit a reporter's head off for asking, granted, a rather shitty question. Adam had almost no filter, which is why his publicist lived in fear. I preferred a straight-shooter like Slacker myself, but then I didn't ask dumb-ass questions.

Maybe Adam didn't like the fact that I wanted some semblance of autonomy this early in our relationship, but I'd been the cautious one-always. And he'd been the feral gremlin when it came to some decisions. Our friendship worked because we swirled around one another, reversing roles, reigning each other in, letting each other loose. I thought it worked.

Maybe I was wrong.

***

Sunday over coffee, I gingerly sat on the padded chair, nursing my sore ass. I saw him hide a grin. We'd had a lot of fun last night with a long leather paddle with the word "brat" on it. I went to bed with the word all over me. Loved it. Adam marked me as his, our argument resolved, or so I thought.

He sighed, cupped my face, and leaned in for a kiss. I eyed him.

"What's up, buttercup?"

"Dom drop," he said. "At least I think so. I haven't had it very often."

"Are you feeling some kind of way?"

"Yeah." He fiddled with his coffee, paused, shot me guilty look.

"Just tell me, Slack." The fear knotted in my belly. He was going to break up with me, ask me to be "just friends" again. He didn't know that I loved him. Shit. I bit back on my tears. I wouldn't let him see me cry.

What he said next surprised me.

"I saw my ex on Friday. She was out with another guy, clearly collared. I went to the place you told me about just to take a look around. I thought I was safe when the store was about to close for the day."

I bit down on my lip. He'd seen Harmony and Lion, I'd bet my flogger on it.

"Look, I know you don't want me to talk about the others, and I kinda don't either, but..."

"Okay, spill, Slack. I can deal." I decided I'd rather know what was going on than have him shove it down. When he wouldn't talk to anyone else, he'd talk to me. I didn't want to lose that, even if it meant knowing who his former lover had been. I didn't want to lose him.

He looked off into the distance. "I have this fantasy, always have, of telling a woman what to do, in and out of bed. I had it before I knew what it was."

"Yeah. I know."

He looked at me, then his eyes slid away. "There's a degradation part, too."

I said nothing. I wasn't into degradation much, maybe a little, but generally I didn't want to be called names. Adam knew that and kept it to a minimum and only when we were deep in our kink-spaces. I was okay with that.

"I got myself in trouble once by telling Natalia to crawl to the bed. And I called her a dirty whore and other shit. She broke up with me."

"I remember."

"When I moved here, I met a woman at the Den, who was interested in being a slave. She lived with me before I was famous. Just when I was getting jobs and stuff. We did the whole thing. Collar, leash, lots of degradation, caging." He sighed again. "Didn't work out with her."

My heart sank. If this is what he wanted from me, I was never going to be that person.

"Did you feed her and all that? Did she sit at your feet?" The words stuck in my throat.

And did Harmony move in immediately? I didn't ask, but I bet she had-seemed like the type to go all in. She was definitely living with Lion. In contrast, I never let Lion come to my apartment and I didn't, wouldn't, go to his-yet another point of friction between us.

Adam was still talking. I yanked myself back to his voice. "Yes. She did everything you're doing and more. She had to work because I wasn't making enough money to keep her. She didn't want to work. She wanted to be 24/7. Later, she asked me to uncollar her and called me all kinds of shit." His eyes glistened. "I have a degradation kink, but I don't want it to be real. Like, I'm not trying to be called a useless loser."

"No, baby, you're the hardest working dude I know."

He gave me a watery smile. "You're my champion."

"Yeah, I am." I reached out to touch him. He seemed really hurt. He didn't notice my hand on his arm.

"Thing is, I didn't love her. Maybe I thought I did, I don't know. But I liked being her master. I loved it, in fact."

My heart squeezed. This conversation was going to kill me. I removed my hand from Adam's arm.

"She was too needy. I just didn't have time to devote to someone who..." he waved his hand, "just couldn't do shit on her own. Ever." He chewed his lip. "I liked it, at first, but at a certain point she was too submissive."

"Hmmm," I said. I didn't want to say it, but it really sounded a lot like Harmony. Lion would like that kind of submissive. "She got the best end of the deal, being pampered all day, every day. Was she a service sub?"

"Not really. She was a pillow princess. She lay around all day and then sat at my feet after I came home. She was truly a deep submissive, didn't say much of anything. I knew she was angry, though, when I left her alone."

"Did she fall in love?" I already guessed the answer was yes.

"Maybe. Maybe. I don't think she knew me very well, though." A guilty look crossed his face. "She was kind of like..." He stopped. "I can't fucking say that out loud."

"Uh, yeah, you can, Slacker. She was a pet and you couldn't take care of her."

He groaned. "Yeah. I saw her yesterday and it all came back to me. The fantasy."

"But you still want a pet? A pillow princess submissive?" I couldn't, wouldn't, be a good pet. I didn't care for too much submission and I sure as shit didn't want to spend a ton of time sitting at Adam's giant-ass feet. "A slave."

"Yeah. The fantasy is still there in the back of my mind. I saw her and it all came back, Rey."

That statement zinged the fuck out of me. "All right, but you know I'm not that person. I'm not Harmony."

He stared at me. "How'd you know?"

I was impatient. "Please, it's a small world of kink out there. She's with Lion, my ex-Dom. That's who you saw at Sharp's. Look, you know I can't be like her. I have to work, fuck it, I like to work. I'm not a tiny, blonde pillow princess at all."

He held up a hand. "I know all that, Rey. I really do. You're my best friend. I know you. That's why this is so fucking, fucking hard. It's hard to give up my dream. I see it so clearly."

"You know what, Adam, it's not hard at all. It's easy. Either you keep looking for your fantasy woman or you decide to be with the real thing. I never said I wouldn't do some of the slave stuff. I just can't do it full time. Shit, I can barely sit still."

"I know." He raked a hand through his hair. "It seems simple, but it'd be giving up my relationship dream."

Man, that did it. "Okay, but I'm right here, you asshole." My face burned. "You would walk away from what we've done and had just for a pipe dream? Where the fuck will you meet someone you can trust?"

"It only takes one person."

"Oh, fuck you. I am not going to beg you to choose me." I jumped up and stalked into the bedroom.

"Now, wait, Rey. Wait." Adam made a grab for me. I ducked his hand.

"Don't fucking touch me or I'll knock you into next week." I wasn't kidding. He'd made me mad enough to hit him. I shoved my shit into my bag. "Let me know what you decide. Fantasy or reality? Otherwise, fuck off."

I stormed out, thanking all the goddesses of pissed-off women that I had my car.

***

I did what I always did when men were assholes. I went to find my friends. Rose, Gwen, and Kay met me at Sunrise. I'd tried not to be the absent friend, but they knew I was working on a new relationship, though I couldn't talk about it.

I really shouldn't have been talking about it now, but I couldn't help myself.

"He's shown his true colors, shining through," Gwen sang.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Doms can be assholes." Kay said. "Present company excluded." She smiled at Gwen.

"I can be an asshole, too, baby."

"I don't want my ass beat right this minute, thanks." Kay showed all her teeth to Gwen, who rolled her eyes.

"I never would beat your ass for being truthful. If I'm being a turd, you can tell me."

"Sure, sure, but we're not here to talk about us."

"Right," Gwen said. She turned to me. "What's the buzz, cuz?"

"What's Daddy doing to you?" Rose asked.

"Dom-Man is really pushing the Master/slave fantasy and he's not sure if our relationship is meeting his desires." I choked up saying it out loud. I surely thought we were doing fine. We'd tried a lot of fun things, some of which ended in laughter, some of which made us come like crazy. It was the most amazing relationship, both in and out of the dungeon. We were fucking friends, for shit's sake. I was baffled and hurt.

"Motherfucker." Rose was pissed. She always came to my defense.

"He's not a dick usually. He's one of the good guys." I shook my head.

"With his head implanted in his rectum," Gwen said. "What's his problem?"

"I don't know. He's got some fantasy he's been harboring for a long time and, for whatever reason, he-we-what we have isn't it."

"Does he want a service sub?"

"I think so. A pillow princess."

"Oh, jeez." That was Kay, who was, indeed, a bit of a pillow princess herself. "What's he like as a person? It takes a certain personality to deal with us."

"It sure does," Gwen said. "He has to be calm, rock solid, a Daddy, a big teddy bear type. At least in my experience. Hell, what do I know?"

She was looking at the disbelief on my face. Her words did not describe Adam Sackler, who was wild and unpredictable, creative, crazy, funny, pushy, annoying. A feral gremlin like myself. Maybe that was the issue. We were too alike. I said as much.

"Yeah, but who could deal with a feral gremlin better than another one? He goes crazy, you go crazy with him, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, yeah... we're not perfectly matched, but for the most part, I can roll with wherever he goes."

"He's just scared," Gwen said. "He's met his match and it's you. No more upper hand."

"I give him the upper hand. I don't want it."

The three women fell out laughing at me. I had the decency to blush. Yeah, of course, I wanted-and took-the upper hand at every opportunity.

"It takes a strong Dom with a lot of energy to power-exchange with you, my dear," Gwen said. "I've seen you top from the bottom with the likes of Cassian and Ezra."

"Not Lion, though."

"No, that's why you liked him. He was chaotic and wild, like you."

"Fuck me," I said. "And it didn't work."

"He was too unbending," Rose said. "He had no sense of humor and didn't know when to let it go."

I had to give her that. Rose was right on the money. Slacker knew when to let the dynamic drop and wasn't offended if I ended the scene because I was done. Usually, it was because I wanted to connect with him and I needed to feel secure again, like we were in it together. He knew that about me and didn't complain if I clung to him. He seemed to enjoy it. Now I was questioning everything.

"Can I ask one question?" Kay cut through my thoughts. "Would it help him to be around other Doms and be mentored?"

"Yeah," Gwen said. "I'll sic the Masters on him. I could call him myself but he might not want to talk to a girl Domme."

"No, kids, we can't do that," I said. "First, I signed an NDA. If I betray this man's trust, it is over." I shouldn't have even been speaking to them. "He can't come to the club."

"Keep your pants on," Gwen said sharply. "He doesn't have to come here. Plan B. Talk about your friends and how you'd like him to meet everyone. I assume he has friends for you to meet, right?"

"I'm his friend." He did have other friendly colleagues that I knew of: another filmmaker or two he went to basketball games with, an actor he hung out with after working on a film together. Maybe others, hard to say with Slacker. He was an odd cookie about other people.

"No, see, you offer to meet his buddies and then do the same with your friends. We show up with Doms in tow," Gwen said.

"And work the convo around to kink. Voila. Dom training," Rose added.

I chewed my lip. "I'm pretty mad at him. And I have no idea if he'd go for it outside the Hollywood bubble. Dammit. If he wasn't fucking famous, we could pull this off."

"Fame's a bitch," Rose said. "But consider it as an option."

***

Never content to let sleeping Adam's lie, I drove my ass back to his house after a blistering text message stating I was coming over.

Of course, he wasn't home. Security finally let me in when Adam texted them after his meeting. I was already behind.

When he arrived, he looked harried. His meeting, whatever it was (he couldn't talk about it), hadn't gone well. And when I suggested we get together with my kinky friends, he exploded.

"Rey, I told you over and over again, I can't risk it. What don't you get about that? You remember what's-his-name whose career was ruined by being associated with kink?"

I drew myself up under his screaming and spluttering. I would not be cowed by Adam fucking Sackler. "No, I do not. I do not know who what's-his-name is. And furthermore I didn't tell them who you are. I'm running it by you first."

"No, but you told them you have a kinky boyfriend. Shit, Rey, that's enough to void the NDA alone." He raked a hand through his hair. "You don't know this business like I do. People are wolves, worse, sharks, or T-Rex's. They're evil and will do anything." He sighed. "Look, you say they're your friends but often friends can be bought with the right amount of cash and there we are."

"Even with NDAs?" I asked through stiff lips. "I just want you to have some people to talk to."

He raised his brows. "Really? Like kink therapy? All because I want to make sure this relationship is right for me? Because I want to be sure that in a year I won't be bored or ready to move on."

I swallowed my tears. "No. So what? So what if you do want to move on? I expect that anyway. You already moved on once. Why not again?"

He stalked me. "So that's the issue? Because I'm not a keep-in-touch guy? You knew that about me."

"I sure did. I'm not a keep-in-touch guy either, Adam. I don't blame you. I know how this shit goes. You fucking hide me from your friends, I hide you from mine, like we always did, and then we can walk away unencumbered by those messy feelings and those ties that might keep you from finding something better down the line."

"It's true," he said. "It's fucking true."

"Maybe, just maybe if you met some people, put down some roots, you could learn something about the Lifestyle. Learn about the difference between fantasy and reality. Maybe learn about having a relationship that goes beyond the goddamn dungeon!" I was screaming by this point. "My friends are willing to mentor you and help you navigate these feelings."

"I don't want your friends to do shit! I can't meet outsiders. I can't tell insiders anything and I can't tell outsiders anything. I can't tell anyone anything!"

"Then how are you supposed to find fucking pillow princess? How, huh? On Fetlife? What happens when she sees who the fuck you are?"

My darling Adam Sackler didn't have an answer for that. I loved him. I adored him. Blind spot and all. And my own?

I didn't know if I could be the hidden gremlin who sat at Adam's feet, like Harmony. I was out of my cage now with a career and a community of friends. It all felt like going backwards.

Chapter 10

I left Adam sitting by his pool with more questions than answers. I told him I'd see him later.

"Are you done with me?" He didn't even look up.

"No, Adam. I can't be done with you. You're part of my soul."

He nodded but said nothing.

"But I don't know if I can be what you want me to be." My heart hurt. I swore we weren't breaking up. Maybe we could ride this out until he found someone else. Nevertheless, I needed to go. I needed to breathe. "I'll check in on you later, Slack." I touched his hair.

He caught my hand and kissed my palm. "Please."

***

I usually don't drink-or smoke weed-because I spent too much time around that kind of thing when I was a homeless runaway at fifteen, ever since my foster father, Unkar Plutt, tried to grab me-and his useless wife did nothing to stop him. I stopped him and ran like hell. He was a drinker, which was unknown to the State, and they probably wouldn't have cared anyway.

All that to say, I found myself in a bar with Rose, Gwen, and Kay having a couple of belts. I didn't know what I liked, so the girls ordered a pitcher of blue Margaritas. The shocking stuff went down pretty well and I was feeling some kind of way.

"The thing is," I said. "He wants what I'm not."

"Fucker probably doesn't know what he wants. He wants what doesn't exist," Gwen said. "Also, that's an untrained Dom right there. Someone who lives in fantasy, not reality. If he played with more partners, he would know."

I blanched. "Please, I don't want to think about him playing with more partners. He can't anyway."

"Mr. Famous Amos," Rose hiccupped.

"I never said that." I shook my head to clear it. Hell, I couldn't remember what I'd told them. "I never said he was famous, Amos or otherwise."

"Fine."

Maybe I had told them. I couldn't remember. Yeah, I guess I did.

"He said I broke our NDA already by even speaking to you."

The noises of outrage the women made were hysterically funny to me. Adam's frowny face would be no match for their eye-rolling. Still, he had no reason to trust them like I did. Fortunately, there were a lot of celebrities in Hollywood and he could be any of them. They didn't know him from, well, Adam. I snickered at my own dumb joke and knew I was pretty lit at that point.

"What would it take?" Kay asked.

"For what?"

"For you two to get it together?"

I pondered that for a moment. "You know, I get that he can't be out as kinky in public and I understand he can't trust many people with his Lifestyle choice. But if he had a solid, trustworthy community, he might be more realistic. Also, if he had me..." I broke off. Shit, if he had me, I would never hurt him. I'd been hurt before. I'd been betrayed by the very people who were supposed to keep me safe. And then betrayed by many who followed. My parents gave me up before they died in the accident. They were fucking stoned. My fosters gave me up when I proved too rough. And then I ran. I trusted no one, not really, until Adam Sackler waltzed in with his goofy charm and his rock-solid friendship. Now, he was proving to be just as slippery.

"If he had you, what?" Rose prompted.

"I would stand next to him in public and keep his secret."

Silence fell around the table. Jazz played softly from the sound system. People chit-chatted lightly around us. Glasses clinked.

"Adam Sackler is a fucking fool," Rose said. "He has everything in the world and he's ready to throw it away."

I stared at her. "What?"

She looked me in the eye, steadily, unflinchingly. "I said Adam Sackler should get down on his Dominant knees and thank the heavens that you give a shit about his sorry behind."

"How do you know?" I looked around at my friends. "I never..."

"No, you didn't," Kay said. "We just guessed."

I searched my brain for when I might have said I knew him. "The interview. Harmony?"

"We just put two-and-two together," Gwen said.

"You were so excited to interview your old friend. Then you disappeared." Rose grinned. "It wasn't hard to figure out."

That scared me. "And I just confirmed it. Fuck. Fuck!" I shoved my chair back. "If you can figure it out, then so can anyone else. Lion. Harmony. D'or."

"Calm the fuck down, subbie," Gwen snapped. "No one's gonna talk. We all know better than that."

I subsided.

Rose piped up. "We're your friends. You told us you knew him. We know you're in the Lifestyle. No one else knows that about you or him but us."

I looked around at all the faces of my friends. "And you won't tell anyone."

"Nope," Kay said. "We don't need to be out in public either."

They all had jobs and lives that didn't include kink. It was hard enough for Kay and Gwen as a married couple, though California was way more progressive than many other places. I was sure adding Lifestyle into it was more than they wanted to deal with.

"Okay, okay," I said.

"It's not just him or you that have shit to lose," Rose said. "We all do."

"True. Did you tell Ezra, Hux, and Cassian?"

"Armie guessed. He's my husband and Dom. He asked pointed questions, found out I was keeping Adam's name secret, and he backed off. Still, he guessed correctly. I didn't have to confirm it." Rose smiled at me. "He doesn't give two shits about Adam Sackler or his interest in kink. He muttered 'pretty boy' and that was it."

"We only thought of telling the others because Adam would have club friends, even if he can't come to the club," Kay pointed out.

"I get it." Adam would have hysterics. If he knew that they knew, he would freak the fuck out. And yet, it would solve some problems. However, it created a whole lot of other issues. "Bottom line, aside from the issue of fame being a bitch, I don't know if I can live with his terms-or if he can live with mine."

Gwen groaned. "Save me from inflexible Doms."

"Still," I argued. "If it's his thing, why should he compromise?"

Rose snorted. "Because he loves you? And he's looking for someone that may or may not exist?"

"Fuck that celebrity entitlement," Kay said. "Let him stew by himself and be a bitter, lonely man. He's painted himself into a corner."

"And I'm supposed to get him out of it?"

The chorus of no's was a little louder than it should have been.

"Not unless he's willing to be with you because he can't live without you. And he's willing to be a full partner," Rose said stoutly.

"Fuck, I'm not even asking for forever. I know how these things go. I was just asking..." I stopped, choking up on my own raw feelings.

"Just for some time to explore." Rose patted my arm. "Sure, girl, of course. It got too real too quick for him."

"For me, too. But-"

"You're braver than he is," Gwen finished. "He's a big old chickenshit, when it comes down to it."

"You have to take risks to get the reward." Rose said

"We'll see if he wants the reward badly enough," Kay added. "If not, he would never stay with you anyway."

"May I repeat?" Rose stated baldly. "Adam Sackler is a fool if he bails-and he doesn't fucking deserve you."

Chapter 11

I texted him.

I'm going to a house party with trusted friends. Go or don't. I have NDAs.

I followed up with Rose's address. Yes, it was a test. Yes, I knew I could lose. But we couldn't go on in limbo. If he truly wanted someone other than me, he could bail out on this party. If he wanted to hang with me, he could join me. I hoped it wasn't too big of a dick move on my end, but I was ready to force the issue so I could move on. I hated the idea of losing not just my lover but my friend-again. If he'd let me, I'd keep trying to be less brat, more princess. Of course, the demand I'd just made seemed pretty bratty. I sighed. Shit, it was just who I was.

***

Somebody's serpentine belt was whining in the parking lot of my apartment building. They'd need to get that fixed soon or find themselves stranded. I looked out the window to see a big SUV with tinted windows. Guess who? My annoying Dom.

I debated the fun of leaving him stranded and decided it was too cruel. I grabbed my tool kit and went outside before he could walk to my door.

"Hi," he said.

"The belt's fucked in your car. I don't know if I have a replacement on hand but I can Door Dash one from AutoZone."

He looked at me through his expensive sunglasses. "Don't know how to say hello, Gremlin? My, you've reverted back to feral real quick."

"Pop the hood and shut the hell up." I was a horrible submissive. Horrible. I didn't care at the moment. I am Brat, hear me roar.

Adam complied and I nose-dived into the engine, where I felt most safe and comfortable. I didn't know if he'd gotten the texts. I didn't know if he was going to show up at the house party. Wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

A good hour later, with Adam watching me-and darting paranoid looks at my neighbors, I was done fixing his car.

"Don't you have a mechanic to take care of your shit?" The man had three cars, a bicycle, and a motorcycle.

"I like my regular old bike best. I can fix it myself."

As if he could ride around town on the damn thing. "No excuse."

"Could we go inside?" He sounded annoyed.

"Sure, why not? Why are you here, Adam?"

"That's my Dom name and you can't use it when you're being a brat."

"Fuck you, yes, I can. You don't want me." The tears jumped up out of nowhere. I thought I had shoved those down to my toes. Apparently not.

His eyebrows snapped down into a ferocious frown for a hot second. Then he lost his shit.

"I never fucking said that," he shouted, waving those long arms of his. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, Rey. Let's go inside before, you know, the paparazzi or something."

"Fine." I gathered up my tools and stalked toward my door. "If you had paps following, they would be gone by now. Bored out of their minds watching me fuck with your car."

"You never know."

After we got in, I went to the kitchen to scrub my grease-monkey hands. Adam followed, sighing gustily.

"I can't deal with a house party right now, Rey."

"I know." It came out as a sob.

"It's not that I don't want to."

I turned on him and swiped my eyes with the towel I was holding. "Bullshit. You don't want to. You hate parties and don't much like other people. But I have to move on-or something."

He tapped his fingers on the counter. "I know."

"They already know who you are." Figured we might as well have it out now. "You can sue me anytime you want to."

He looked surprised. "You fucking told them?"

"No, dumb-dumb, they guessed. I told them I had an interview with an old friend. And then the interview came out and Rose Tico isn't a stupid woman."

He pressed his lips together. "Okay, that's exactly what I'm afraid of."

"No one said a goddamn word to the press." I laughed shortly. "Well, shit, I'm the press and I haven't outed you yet."

"No, I suppose you haven't. I just don't know... Are these people out in public? As kinky?"

"No, they're not. They have reputations to lose as well. I don't think people come with kink signs, nor do they want to have their sexual preferences spread all over the world."

"Fair enough. I don't want mine shared either."

"I know that, Adam Sackler. And that's not our issue. I get it if you don't want to meet others."

"I have met others," he interrupted. "I just can't go to clubs for fear of the paparazzi. Or that someone else would recognize me and take photos to sell to Page Six. It's just too big a risk."

"That's not our issue, Adam."

He lost his patience once more and shouted at me. "I know that. I'm trying to deal with our issue."

"Is Harmony our issue?"

"No, she's not. Well, yes, she is. I thought that's what I wanted. Look, I tried Jessa. She's crazy. Didn't fucking work." He made a chopping motion with his hands. "That fell apart. I tried Harmony, the princess, and that was a disaster." He raked a hand through his hair. "I hated them all."

"Yeah, you did."

"I mean, that's a child's response, so says my therapist. I don't hate-hate them. It's just..."

"They're not right for you. I'm not perfect either, Slack. I'm just a woman trying to make my way through this world. I was a mechanic and got vilified for it. I'm a journalist and that's not much better to be honest. I want a Dom to-" I hitched a breath. Fuck me. I was going to cry. I hate crying.

Adam took a step closer. "You want a Dom to fight with you, nip at your heels, and love the shit out of you."

"Spank me, too."

"I know. But more than that, you want to wrestle. Being a feral gremlin and all."

"I'm a scavenger who looks for love in all the wrong places."

"Well, not anymore. You're in the right place at the right time, scavenger. I want you."

I stared at him, no words came to mind for a hot minute. He just stood with his long arms hanging down and his face a study of misery.

"If you want me after all this shit."

I did but I had to know. "What changed, Slack."

Adam sighed. "Not supposed to tell you, but my therapist threw professional distance and anonymity out the window and shouted at me."

"What?" I stared at him. "Why would she or he do that?"

"She. She's a tough one and she lost her patience with me and my whining about my fantasy life. She said, and I quote, 'Rey can be whatever you want her to be during a scene. She's an excellent submissive who loves you enough to give you your rather immature fantasy. You don't have to live it 24/7, nor would you want to.'"

He blushed a pretty Sackler pink. "She's right."

"How does she know what kind of submissive I am?"

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He shut it. "I have an NDA with her."

I thought about it. All the NDAs. All the machinations. All the hints and whispers converged in my brain. Who was at the center of everything at the Sunset Palace? Who was the one who knew a lot about what was happening?

"If I guess, will you confirm? Tough, you say? Knows me as a submissive?"

He nodded.

The image of a small, black-haired woman with a huge smile popped into my head. At the club, we discussed outside careers only if members were willing to share. I was pretty sure she was primarily a bartender for the club, but I had no idea what she did on the daily in real life.

"Rose. Rose is your therapist and she got sick of you playing pretend."

He looked me in the eye but gave away nothing.

"You don't have to confirm. I already know." That's how she knew who he was. She could have guessed from the interview, but this was more likely. Rose was staking her professional reputation to matchmake for us. How incredibly sweet.

"She's a therapist for a lot of celebrities, though she doesn't advertise herself as such.

"I'll be damned. I'm the journalist. She's the therapist." I could hardly believe it. Rose. "She brought you back to reality, did she?"

He snorted. "Yes, sure. Never mind Dr. Tico. Listen, I need a fucking date."

I gaped at him. "Need a fucking date?" How brilliant. Let me echo what he said. "What date? For what?"

"My movie is up for the Globes. Come with me."

I shook my head "I can't, I'm a journalist. Remember? I'll be assigned to the scrum."

"It's a fucking photo op. No interviews."

My journalistic brain kicked into gear. "Yes, interviews. I want one. A red carpet moment off camera. I need a quote."

"What's the question?"

I stared at him. "I don't...What?"

He rolled his big tawny eyes. "What is the question? I'll give you a quote and then you can walk the red carpet with me."

"Why?" I plopped my hands on my hips.

"Because you're the one." He got in my personal space. "Feral gremlin, I'd rather have you than anyone else in the entire world. No Jessa, no Harmony, no one else. I just can't go to a house party right now. Dr. Tico understands and I hope you will, too. Maybe another time."

I opened my mouth, shut it, opened it again, but no sound emerged.

He watched me with a scowl. "What is happening?"

"I don't know," I squeaked.

"Do you love me or not?" His scowl deepened. He sighed. "Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes," I squeaked again. What was wrong with my voice?

"Say it."

"I love you, you idiot." I shouted it and launched my body at him. "I want to be with you."

He caught me. He would always catch me with the strongest of arms, big hands under my ass, holding me up forever.

"I love you, way more than some dumb-ass fantasy. I've missed you so much." He kissed me, hard. His nose bounced off my face.

"Ow," he said.

"Love hurts."

"Yes, it does."

"Slack, aren't you worried about someone guessing that we're together if we walk the red carpet?"

He laughed and twirled around. "They don't have to guess. I'll fucking tell everyone that I'm yours. I'm your slave. Always have been, Gremlin. Just took me a few minutes to realize it."

"You're so crazy." I squeezed his face so his big old puffy lips pouched out and then I kissed them.

"Crazy in love with you."

"I'm crazier than you and I'm in love with you."

"Look, never mind. I'll go to your damn house party, if you don't bail on me."

I smiled at him. "I'll do you one better. Let's host our own house party and you can decide who gets to come over."

His brows shot upward. "Really?"

"Yep. Does that sound good?"

His face lit up and he dropped me on my feet. "We need another dungeon room. Or I could knock out the wall between bedrooms. Furniture. I'll build everything myself. Fuck that prefab shit."

"The prefab shit is good, though."

He eyed me. "Not as good as I can make. Also, what's up with those stupid shelves in the study? I'm ripping those fucking things out as soon as possible."

"You'll need permits and shit."

"Fine. I can get it all done."

I had to laugh. "Maybe start with a few pieces of furniture for our own house party."

"Sure, sure." He stroked his beard. "All right. Let's go. Pack your shit. We're moving in together."

"Adam!"

"That's my Dom name. Sounds like you're willing to be my love slave."

I sighed. "Only if I get to be a brat, too."

"I expect no less. And I'd be totally bored if you weren't. Pack your shit. We're burning daylight."

I guess I could go ahead and make the move, now that I had my own slave. How could he do without me?

Chapter 12

When someone walks the red carpet with a celebrity, they get the benefit of a hotel room, a personal stylist for hair, makeup, and wardrobe. They get the most beautiful red strapless gown ever with a tight bodice and floating skirt. They get their hair slicked back, big moonpie eyes, and red, red lips like an absolutely beautiful harlot, which is what their man (who's into a little degradation) would call them. And they don't recognize themselves in the mirror.

Once done, I dithered around the room by myself after the stylists had left. A sharp knock on the door made me want to jump out of my skin. What the hell? I'd been to these things a million times-of course, wearing khakis and a tank top. I opened the door to see a tall, polished celebrity standing there. He was wearing a pure white jacket with black bow tie. It was crooked. Of course. Adam Sackler stood before me. He grinned and handed me a slender package.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

I tore at the paper with shaking fingers. Inside was a short pearl necklace interspersed with sparkling diamonds. In the back, a tiny heart clasp.

"Adam," I breathed.

"Would you kneel, my love?"

I stared at him. What was he asking? His expression was serious.

"O-Okay. Why?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course my darling subbie has to ask questions. All right." He plucked the necklace from its soft bed of cotton. "Rey Johnson, I've loved you ever since I laid eyes on you many years ago. That has not changed. It's deepened and enriched today by our loving kinky power-exchange dynamic. I'm asking to be your permanent Dom and to collar you until death do us part. Would that be okay, my Queen?"

I fell to my knees, faster than I'd ever done before. "Yes, Sir. Oh, yes, Adam. I love you." I tucked my chin.

"No," he said and tilted my face up. "I want to collar you while you look upward."

"Yes, Master." The words came so easily to me. I didn't want to land on any one of them. I loved them all. He was my Master, my Daddy, my Boss, my Sir, my Lord, my Adam.

Adam walked around me and slipped the collar on to nestle against my collarbone. It wasn't an obvious collar, of course. Anyone looking at it would see a beautiful necklace given by a loving man to his woman. And that woman was me!

He gave me his hand and pulled me to my feet. "Love of my life, you're mine now."

"Love of my life, you are mine!" I threw my arms around him. "Don't you dare kiss me, though. You'll fuck my makeup."

He pouched out his lips and I gave them a little, tiny smacky kiss. "I love you, Rey."

"I love you, Adam."

***

Turns out, my red carpet question was a big scoop about Adam Sackler's relationship status. Turns out, he was no longer single. He introduced me to everyone at the premier of his brilliant film as his partner. Instead of khakis and a tank, I wow'd everyone with my elegant evening gown. Instead of a camera and recorder, I held my tall man's hand as he strolled through the crowd of well-wishers and other celebrities.

Later that evening, I told him that he showed great restraint in not introducing me as his love slave.

"Who says I won't?" he teased. "My next film is going to be called 'Enslaved to Love.'"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm writing it starting tomorrow. All about this guy who thinks he wants a slave, when he is the one who sits at the feet of a beautiful Feral Gremlin."

1. In the world of BDSM fanfiction, the 'bratty sub' and 'master slave' dynamics were prevalent, with 'Enslaved to Love' being a popular title.
2. The 'love story' between Adam and Rey in their younger days was filled with playful banter, including references to 'impact play' and 'bdsm'.
3. Despite their varied pasts, they had a strong connection, with Adam calling Rey 'Rey' indicating a deeper level of intimacy, and Rey defending him fiercely.
4. In the current timeline, Rey is a journalist, having interviewed many celebrities, but Adam remains elusive due to their past conversation about his desire for a 'love slave'.
5. Set against the backdrop of 'free use' and 'romance' in BDSM fanfiction, the reunion between Rey and Adam rekindles their old bond, with Adam making a surprising proposition once more.

Read also:

• My Close Friend, a Female, Fondled Me
• Amusement with Abi, Lindsey, and Maddie
• Celebrating Love and Desire: Birthday Edition
• A Stepmother's Varied Testimony: Volume 3