I am a Masochist Pt. 01
"You're a what!!" My Bestie Asked as we were talking over lunch on a Saturday afternoon.
I replied again more slowly, "I am a masochist, I love pain. Especially during sex."
"Good grief girl friend, You are already a slutty whore. Now you say you want pain?" she had said as she ate another bit of pizza. "You been with every guy in town I think. What makes you a masochist?"
Pulling my blouse and bra aside briefly, I exposed the nipple clamps on my tits. Self imposed and on rather tight. The swelling of my nipples was obvious.
Almost spitting out her bit of food she all but yells "WTF Bitch, you are crazy!!"
"Its pleasurable to me, makes me wet down there." I replied quietly.
"Are you an exhibitionist also?" She asked.
"Well. Yes I am. I tend to go around the house nude or with some provocative clothing on."
Replying "that's normal for anyone." She taking a sip from her drink.
I continued, "Not with all the shades opened up in the night so people can see my needing body."
"What is your body needing? I think you have just lost your mind." She stated questioning.
"Its what I have always done. I just never talked about it with you or anyone. I do live alone you know."
"We've know each other for years and now you just tell me you are a crazy flasher woman wanting pain?"
Of course now I had to spill it all. Leaving my bestie all kinds of speechless of my BDSM Fantasies. We finished our day out shopping. Eyeing the men with nice packages we both wanted. She went up to one and got a date for later. I had plans already with a Dominate Man from the local dungeon I frequent. Something I have not talked about to anyone. Just enjoyed the hell out of it when it happens. The rosy ass cheeks and swollen nipples of a rough sex night with a random sexual encounter. The trips to the dungeon leaving me wanting more of the pain and cum leaking down my legs. Wanting to submit to a special man who would make me his in ways that I never dreamed of.
Hugging, we went on our ways after our shopping trip.
"Call me when tomorrow after your date 'slut'" I said as we were parting ways.
She replied out "You know I will, 'whore'.
We both laughed out asses off on the way to our cars.
3 Hours later........
I had spent a bit of time making sure I was presentable. I wasn't sure what I was to wear in such an occasion. I sure didn't want to go looking like a hooker, but I sure didn't want to look like an office prude. I selected something casually comfy somewhat revealing but not slutty or hooker looking.
Arriving at the Coffee shop, I checked my hair and make up. Reapplying my lipstick. Getting out of the car, I went nervously into the coffee shop on a side road. Meeting this new man who claims he is a Dominating was scary to say the least. Even the vanilla dates come with its hazards. A girl has to be cautious about everything and feel out the man no matter what. So we agreed on this public place. The Buddha Coffee Café was the place. Having heard of it I wanted to give it a try out anyways. I felt at easy with the décor and serenity of the Buddhist flair in the place.
He made his way to me in the bustling place and introduced himself as David. He made it clear I was to call him Sir going forward. I was thinking he was a bit full of himself at first. What kind of guy is that secure he wants a girl to call him Sir from the beginning? But a desperate pain slut is in need of a lot of things. Being the pain slut I am, (at least I think I am) I also like to get used sexually in a painful way. I get off on the pain of a spanking and a large hard cock buried deep in one of my holes. My favorite is being restrained in a stocks with my ass out ready for use. Or my mouth lol>>>> Then to be spanked while I am being face fucked by another.
Standing in line next to him to get a coffee, he chatted away at whatever it was. I drifted off into a daydream about gosh knows what. The line moved quickly and we got our drinks, I went to pay for mine and he took the bill. I was shocked. I have had so many "dates" where I ended up footing the bill because he either didn't show up or was "out of money". Either way they were losers to say the least.
We made our way to some empty seats in a corner that seemed like no one ever used. I sat down and he sat next to me in the booth. I am thinking he is damn bold to just sit next to me like that. I went into another daydream about how much a guy like this would mean to me in my life. That idea of someone wanting to truly be a part of the life I have been building. Little did I know what I was really getting into. Something I would find out later in my dealings with David. Ooops Sir.
Breaking my day dream David said, "What are you looking for lovely?"
Perplexed, the answer came kind of shyly out of my mouth, "Pain and sex Sir."
"You're at least honest. What other things are you into besides pain" He asked
Not really knowing what to say, "I have these fantasies that are of me being a sub or slave to a man. To be his little fuck toy. More so his whipping post or something. Honestly, I am probably just a little lost on this. The pain is what turns me on. The sensual beginnings getting me started then the pains that top me off to lose myself in orgasmic pleasure."
A goofy look comes across his face. "Well, Yes I think you are bit confused. First, I think you may have some masochistic thoughts or desires. Then there needs to be trust involved. That kind of trust that would allow no doubt to the safety of the submissive. IT doesn't got for only a woman, but a man in the same submissive role. Do you understand what I am saying little one?"
"Kinda Sir." I replied a bit more lost than I was. "You are saying nothing will happen?"
"Basically yes. At least at first. The sub has to learn to trust the Dom in that as nothing will happen against the subs will or negotiated terms. At the same time, the Dom has to learn to trust that the sub will be a loyal and trusting. No questions asked from either party. " Continuing on He said, "If that trust doesn't exist, the scene or playtime will not be as enjoyable for either."
As he talked his hand found my thigh. I was a bit concerned at first then, realizing that there was no real danger I went back to listening intently to what he had to say. His words and voice had an effect on me that I could not understand. Just that he was so calming.
"For a true Dom, the sex or the act of spanking or torturing the sub is not all that what it is that gets us off 100%. Its know that we have that control over the sub and he or she will do anything to please the Dom. Not just getting their own jollies. The same hold true in reverse. Its like a marriage or dating. You can't just go into a serious relationship not trusting your partner. That is what we have going on here. The beginnings of a relationship. At least so I feel may happen."
I nodded and felt his hand moving along my thigh. Never really getting inside or close to my now damp pussy. But nonetheless, I was having to learn to trust that he would not go further without us having had discussing it.
"Yes Sir, I am understanding better now." As I finally replied his hand moved away and started to sketch out some things on a napkin.
Showing me the sketch, He starts to explain some pieces of the lifestyle, "You see here is a St. Andrews Cross. Many a sub or slave has spent time on one of these. Facing to or away from the Dom. Giving an access to the parts of the body they are wanting. Of Course, it takes months of learning each other before one can get into this part of the lifestyle. Being tied to a contraption such as this can be very scary for a new sub who wonders if they will be left there to rot. This is the stuff I am sure you are wanting to be. But we are barely past the evening of meeting as it is. Do you have any questions?"
My mind going at a trillion miles a minute was in overload. Not knowing what to say to this man. Who as it turned out, was so damn sexy I want to lose myself with him, his smell was also tantalizing to me.
I cleared out my Throat to speak. "Yes Sir, How do we get to that point of trust Sir? How is this all 'negotiated' as you put it? I am very intrigued by what you have said. I want to learn more."
His giggle got me going as he answered, "Well little one, there has to be a connection first. Between the two people such as dating. I think we have made that connection at this point. We have already started on that trust. When I was touching your leg, you didn't really flinch. You didn't show any sign of the distrust in me going to places we have not discussed. In fact, I should not have touched you yet at all. Yet, for all I know you are already owned. Or rather I should say taken."
"No Sir I am not owned or taken Sir. Except by fate maybe." I replied in honesty.
Smiling he continues. "Well little girl, I can get you on the phone or the FetLife. For now I want you to take time to think about and research where you really want to go in this relationship. Something you have never gone into before I am sure. Aside from a random sexual escapade that may have had some spanking in it."
"Yes Sir I will do that Sir."
"You should have better answers for me in what you want when I call you next. Probably in 24 hours from now."
Standing up he offered his hand to assist me up. His touch so gentle and firm. I was melting with his touch.
Standing up with his help I replied, "Yes Sir, I will."
He walked me to my car. We chatting back and forth about the things around the area was heavenly with him. The smell of his aura wafted into my nose many times making me wet in my love spot. Getting to my car I unlocked it and he promptly opened the door for me. I turned to face him before I got in, his smell driving me crazy. He must have sensed that I was getting turned on by his demeanor.
"Oh yes little one. Test number one for you. You cannot touch yourself until I call you and say you can."
The stern look on his face meant he was serious.
"Yes Sir."
"Good Girl Little one."
I sat on the seat and turned to the steering wheel. Looking up at him, he blows a kiss to me and closes the door.
He walks away as I start the car. He never looked back. Disgusted at the fact that he calls me "little one" with my 6 foot frame. Intrigued and wet from his words, smell and looks, I so wanted to touch myself and let loose. But I promised not to touch myself until he calls me. Driving off I head home with a mission of researching the BDSM Stuff and see where I want to be. What is it that I want from this? Where do I end up? Little did I know I was going to be left with more questions than I had found answers.
The next morning....
After a crappy night of sleep wanting to touch myself already. I could not yet I was still wanting some release. I set about getting on my FET account. I needed to research as I said I would. Getting on the site was a hard thing to do. The feed of pictures and writings were going to make my arousal even worse.
Finding information on subs vs slaves, Dom's and Masters, I was intrigued at becoming a slave to a special man. "Is that what I really want?" I said to myself. Obviously, I needed to get past the sub place. Then I see subspace. Reading on that, I learned about aftercare and the role of the Dominate to the sub. It is as he said, so much more than the slapping and spanking, wham bam thank you ma'am kind of sex stuff I am used to. I Just have sex and leave or push the guy out. Usually, I end up having to finish myself anyways. I wonder if David will leave me hanging orgasmless. Still learning that orgasms from the mind in this lifestyle, that fucking or sexual bliss can come from a host of mental aspects I never realized.
Then as I was looking at the torture devices, chastity devices, equipment, and ideas for each, the phone rings. I jump out of my skin. I was only wearing skin anyways. I never got dressed after my shower this morning. So I am sitting there getting all wet, soaking the chair with my juices.
I answered "Hello?"
"Hi little girl. How are you this evening?" Came the reply.
The voice melted me again. It was David. "I am fine Sir. How are you?"
"I am good. Thinking on our conversation last night. Are you ready to talk little one?"
I panicked "Its been 24 hours already Sir?"
He replied, "Yes little one, exactly 24 hours has passed. Have you touched yourself in pleasure?"
"No Sir I have not. I have been researching as you requested. I am wet in my spot Sir." I replied
A touch of sternness came over the phone, "That's a good little girl. Now before we continue, I have another request. Well more of an order."
"Yes Sir?"
" Go to your bathroom, or where ever you have a large mirror. Take a picture of yourself now and send it to me." He requested firmly.
"BU-But But Sir,"
"Go this isn't a request it is an order."
Running with my phone to the bathroom.
"Don't hurt yourself little one. Go Promptly not fast in an unsafe way." Came his voice from the phone.
Closing the door behind me. I turned to the mirror on the back of the door, held up my camera and snapped the shot. I immediately sent it.
"Good Girl!" David Stated. "I wasn't expecting a nude pic of you. But I do enjoy the view little one."
UHHG That little one wording again I hate it. "I never put my clothes on today Sir."
"Well, that is how you are to expected to be when we get to that point. Especially at play."
"UHHHH Yes Sir." I replied in partial protest.
I had learned to not protest to much through my research. I could get punished if we were in a hard on relationship. At this point could I be ghosted?
"You seem to dislike the idea little one." David has stated.
I responded "No Sir, I was just not yet expecting that from you."
He cleared his throat, "Well little one, you should expect a lot of things. What have you researched today? Have you learned anything?"
Do I spill the beans? Do I say everything I learned. I Hesitated
"An answer little one is required." He said sternly on the phone.
"Umm Yes Sir, I learned quite a lot. It made me hot and wet sexually. It was so hard not to touch myself. I almost had to touch myself sexually."
"Did you touch yourself honestly?" he asked.
I replied happily, "No I have not touched myself Sir."
"Why not little one?"
"Because you told me not to last night. At least until you said otherwise tonight."
askingly he replies, "do you wanna touch yourself little one?"
"Ye- NO Sir I don't." I replied almost saying yes.
"Why not?"
"I want to be a good girl Sir. Not to mention, I am starting now to love the idea of denial." Came the reply of sincerity from my mouth.
Wait, Did I really say I like denial? WTF is wrong with you Candi. Are you losing your mind over a chance at something loco like this?
David started talking to me again pulling me out of that trance of self doubt I always get into.
"So," Pausing long while I tremble with fear of Davids words, "what else have you learned? What are you looking for? Especially now that you have read and researched the lifestyle."
Hesitatingly I responded, "Sir, I have read on subs and submissives. I have seen where a person can be in the total submission aspect of a slave VS being a sub. Exhibitionism is sounding fun to me. Especially since I go naked at home anyways. The Collar thing in public is very exciting to me. To show that I am owned to a MAN that has total control over me is what I feel I want. The idea of a man who can look at me and I know I did wrong, right, or whatever is so cool. Reading some of that stuff was really turning me on. Flogging and spanking is a thing I am thinking about as well as some other things that I can keep going. Yet Sir, I think I need to just work on learning to be a sub and following orders. Being that brat is possibly fun. But I want to be an owned brat. One that is loyal through thick and thin that is as protective of her master as he is of her. Yet there is so much to learn. There is a mental aspect of this that I am having a hard time fathoming. Maybe because I never thought about it or have done it Sir."
Continuing on I added, "There is a lot to the Dominating side of this lifestyle. The Dom or Master has to be sure his property is protected and safe. Fed and clothed properly or as negotiated at the beginning. There is so much more that I need to learn to get past these fears I have. I am scared now more than ever after my research."
"Little one, that is very nice to hear you actually have been researching. I am impressed. I would like to meet you in public again. I will let you know when. Until then I have two requirements for you."
"Yes Sir what are they?" I asked
"Firstly, your undergarments need to be changed up in public. Your bra is to be as thin possible and provide the support you need. Your Panties are not to be worn ever." He paused.
Wanting to protest I didn't. "Yes Sir."
"Secondly, when you are home, ALWAYS Be nude. No questions asked." His stern voice stated.
" Umm," I trailed off, "Yes Sir!"
"You hesitated little one." He questioned, "You are not to pleasure yourself tonight."
"But Sir!" I Cried, " I am so horny. I need some release."
"You are being punished now for hesitating my requests" came his reply, "When I say something you should do it. Even if I am not there. You need to learn to trust me. I plan on opening that flower in you little one."
Damn I thought, "Yes Sir."
"I Will call you tomorrow with where we will be meeting." He stated firmly "Think of me and what you really want for the next 24 hours and remember, no self pleasure. Good Night little one."
"Yes Sir, Good Night Sir." I replied
He ended the call and I was mortified at the thought of not being able to get release. Finally I said to myself out loud, You asked for this you crazy bitch. Nutzy blonde what are you doing. Oh yes getting your jollies, or lack thereof.
Finally looking at the clock and out the window, I realized that it was 9PM. OMG Where did the day go? I gotta get into bed. I have to work in the morning.
Crawling into the bed I passed out. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring...
To Be Continued...
- "Despite my masochistic tendencies, I want to ensure we establish clear boundaries in our BDSM explorations, as discussing girl talk about this is crucial for both our safety and enjoyment."
- "During our sex negotiations, I believe it's important to discuss our shared interests in BDSM, including my masochistic desires and your role as a Dominant, to create a mutually fulfilling experience."