journal entry twenty-two: creep
Hey there, it's me, Emma.
I can't help but be astonished...
Do you remember Louisa?
Well, she's been lingering around, attempting to insert herself back into my life. I caught her lurking about when I stepped out to my vehicle to head to work, and that actually frightened me.
I enquired, "How long have you been here?," when I should've questioned, "How many times have you been here?"
Her response was, "Emma, please? I want to discuss us. I simply didn't know if you'd want to see me, or how your mother would react to my presence, but I honestly just want to be heard. Please?"
I responded, "I have to go to work, at my new job since I lost my previous job due to you, and, please, don't pursue me. I don't require any further turmoil involving you."
Her insistence was, "Please?"
I sighed, "Alright... Come back tonight; and I mean, come back. Don't be loitering around for Mom to catch you. Who knows what she might do, but this isn't an ideal scenario."
Louisa nodded, leaving to her previous location...
During my work hours, Louisa was constantly on my mind, pondering her intentions. Can I trust what she says? She truly hurt me. I thought she was over it. Why is she persistently loitering? It's not long ago she was flirting with my mother, ready to date her, then when they found out who each other were, Louisa was forced to leave. I'm getting to the root of this, one way or another; even if legal restrictions involve.
When work ended, I informed my mother about my brief visit and explained that Louisa was coming over to chat; that she has something she wished to convey. My mother comprehended, and committed to allowing us our chat time, albeit keeping a vigilant watch for my safety instead of leaving me unaccompanied with her. With the anxiety I was experiencing, I appreciated her presence.
Louisa entered with a tentative knock on the door, and she entered, seating herself with us in the living room. Her demeanor was utterly withdrawn compared to her typical boastful bravado, and her primary words caught me off-guard, "Thank you."
I wasn't anticipating her to be so courteous. I requested, "Say what you wish to say."
Louisa appeared hesitant, as if she was struggling with what to say, "When I saw you, when I came to date your mother, Emma... I found it a curious coincidence... Your mother was right to have me leave, I must admit... I... It all sank in for days after, and, I feel remorseful for what took place between us... I feel sincerely remorseful, and wanted to share my sentiments... 'I'm sorry' won't suffice, but, I am sorry, Emma, for everything that transpired between us."
I had to inquire, "What is this?"
Louisa seemed so forlorn, "Please? I know I deserve nothing from you, but, I desire to be better. Sex has been a dominant force in my life, since I began puberty, conceiving my son, who is likely in a foster home, far away from me, living his life elsewhere...
"Using sex as a strategic tool and even earning money through it, engendered in me a sense of power, like I was reclaiming control, after being subjugated by having my son, but, I now comprehend I was not aiding him, and only aided myself. I'm lost, and don't know what to do with myself, and have no one to confide in... I'm alone..."
I couldn't imagine what that would do to someone.
Louisa did mention her son before. "What's his name?"
Louisa quivered as if she would cry, revealing, "I don't even know... I didn't name him... He arrived, and then he was taken from me by social services..."
I couldn't fathom the pain that must cause.
Louisa also commented, "I only knew sex as a means of manipulating people, just as I felt manipulated way back when. It was the only tool I had to utilize to be dominant, because I had nothing else. I've hurt numerous men before even meeting Luke, and, my experience with you was me experimenting with dominating a woman for the first time. I aspired to feel empowered and strong enough to not repeat the past. I would do anything to avoid experiencing that again."
What was going through my mind? "What am I even doing all this for?" I was doing it for a guy who didn't know me, who I didn't know, not even his name. He was a complete stranger. I'd made a small fortune out of this, but it felt worthless. I had nothing valuable that I wanted. The only thing I had was always just out of reach. It must be my punishment, my very own hell, I thought.
I felt sympathy for Louisa but couldn't bring myself to forgive her. "I don't know what to say."
Louisa threw up her hands as she prepared to leave. "I knew you wouldn't care. It's not your business." She then added, "I'm sorry, Emma. I'm sorry about what I did, especially to you."
This caught me off guard. "What happened for you to get pregnant?"
She turned towards me. "Two idiots thought it was funny." She shuddered. "But the joke was on me, wasn't it?"
I broke the silence. "I forgive you."
I don't think she heard me. She left. I ran after her and pulled her back. "It's me, Louisa." She tensed, fearing harm. I hugged her tightly from behind. "You don't have to be alone."
Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. "I just wanted to say goodbye, Emma."
That frightened me. She was about to walk away, but I wrapped my arms around her, insisting, "You can stay with me. Let's give it a shot."
Louisa hesitated but finally relented. Reluctantly, she allowed me to hold her hand. I gave her a hug.
I hated to see her upset. "You can stay with me. We don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. But I can be there for you."
Louisa doubted it. "Do you really mean that?"
I held out a hand. "Yes, I mean it."
Louisa stepped away cautiously as if she wasn't sure. I extended my hand to her again. "Come stay with me."
She stared at me for a while, debating. Then, hesitatingly, she grasped my hand. I hugged her even more tightly. We returned to my home, and she stayed with my mom. My mom was noticeably more welcoming.
Naturally, there was the issue of where Louisa would stay. I offered that she could sleep with me, but she accepted. When we finally climbed into bed, we were both hesitant as we struggled to stay in control of ourselves.
Louisa knelt between my legs and started eating me out. I'd never seen her that eager to please. She admitted, "I want to do my best for you."
I relaxed, enjoying what she was doing to me. "You should get yourself off if you want."
She shifted back. "I don't want to, I want to do this for you, Emma."
I didn't really enjoy that, so I refocused on Louisa's actions and her growing excitement. She said, "It's been only a short while, but I find it hard. I want to be good for you, Emma..."
I felt like some kind of god, wanting to show Louisa my power. I told her, "You get used to it. I used to deny myself for Luke. I'd have to wait until we had sex. It becomes so much more satisfying when we do."
We made eye contact, and I could see longing in her eyes. I said, "You'll manage."
Louisa looked lost in thought. "How did you do that?"
I smiled encouragement. "You'll figure it out. You want to make me happy, so you'll eventually adapt to it." She started dipping her finger into herself. My eyes were glued to her finger as it slid in and out of her, watching the pleasure she experienced. Finally, she said, "I want to be good enough for you."
Hugging me tightly, Louisa pleaded, "Keep my hands from exploring there... I want to share this experience with you... Please, assist me?"
Her adorable submission stirred unexpected feelings in me. Watching her closed eyes, I noticed she'd had no restful sleep or deep relaxation - only me observing her. I continued to watch, ultimately drifting off myself.
When I woke from a deep slumber to the morning light, Louisa was grinding her pelvis against my legs. Opening my eyes, I questioned, "What's going on?"
"I'm on fire... I need it... Please, Emma," she moaned.
I firmly denied her, causing her to appear dejected.
Flipping her onto her back, I placed myself between her legs, and said, "I'm prioritizing this process."
Louisa expressed such gratitude and eagerness beneath me, and I slid my fingers into her wet and smelly cunt. Hooked, yet not advancing, she writhed on the sheets like a snake slithering over the ground, but ultimately not moving from where I had placed her.
In a short span of time, her cunt released a torrent of cum around my fingers, allowing her to regain her composure...
Louisa breathed deep enough to express, "Thank you, Emma," with true appreciation.
Manipulating another woman's pleasure was an unsettling feeling for me, as I am accustomed to being on the receiving end. It didn't feel completely unpleasant, but it wasn't fulfilling for me.
Before I left for work, Louisa committed, "I'll reserve myself for your return home."
I'm going to have to carefully consider how we can fulfill our desires in the future.
So,
Goodnight Xx
Read also:
- Prison Life: Step into a Woman's Shoes Chapter 2
- Dislikes Slavery Excessively
- An Amazing Feat of Self-Stimulation
- Rob Goes on a Company Excursion
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