The X Files X encompasses the mysterious world of paranormal investigations.
In a remote horse farm in Hicks County, West Virginia, on August 20th, 2001, at 10:10 p.m., a sultry redhead porn star named Lola Cabana was being brutally ravaged by the muscular blonde, Brawny Manley. They were filming a hardcore scene for "Redneck Hooker Hoedown" under the illumination of truck headlights and with Mister Biggs directing nearby. The production was set to wrap up the following night.
Lola's intense moans reverberated around the pasture as she urged Brawny to fuck her harder against the wooden fence. She was certain she couldn't get enough of his massive pole.
"Spank me harder, cowboy!" Lola begged.
Her pleas were granted, with Brawny charmingly slapping her skin with satisfying vigor. Meanwhile, the ever-curious August Ryder gazed at the scorching hot lesbian scene that had taken place in an adjacent hay barn.
After spanking Lola, Brawny commanded her to kneel below him between the grassy bluegrass, facing his foul-smelling crotch.
"Suck my giant stallion cock, whore!" he demanded.
Lola obliged, her giggle mixed with her groans as she attempted to swallow his unit.
"Go all the way down, bitch! Affectionately known as 'Brawny Man.' "
Lola did as instructed, taking him to the hilt one final time. As Brawny's cockhead bashed against her tonsils, he lunged at her as if he were spanking her once more.
"You're driving me crazy, girl!" he cried out.
His breath rasped as he ordered her to repeat the maneuver and then began face-fucking her with immense vigor.
"Fuck, just keep doing that! Oh, my god! I'm going to explode!" he pantomimed to the sweat-drenched Lola.
She pulled out, jabbing Brawny's face with contempt. "Cum all over my face, cowboy!" she threatened.
Lola resumed sucking Brawny, her body ripe for his load. The cameraman captured it all as Brawny reached peak arousal, silencing her with a firm grip on her head and making her slurp him even faster.
"I'm going to cum! I'm going to cum right now!!" Brawny bellowed.
Lola removed her mouth and raised her head skyward like the harvest season's celebration. Lola latched onto the drops of "cum" as they violently appeared.
"Mmm, you're the best!" Lola smiled. Her head bobbed up and down somewhat automatically.
Mister Biggs, an accomplished pornography author and producer, was infatuated with redhead nymphomaniacs. He'd finished having his way with them 960 times as a male performer over a course of 20 years in L.A., oh, and 86 times since his retirement into filmography.
Suddenly, his inattention to the actual task led to a sight in the sky. "What the hell is that?" he squawked, trying to attract the attention of Lola and Brawny. The cameraman did a one-eighty, focusing on the mysterious object overhead.
The flying saucer UFO was entirely silver in color, three hundred feet wide and a hundred feet tall. Its exterior displayed a dozen red lights, with an enormous blue disc glowing in the middle. Sterile cross beams fanned out into a horrifying starfish configuration.
"Holy fuck! That's some Unsolved Mysteries Roswell shit!" gasped Lola, with a distinct awe in the expression of her face that had just been bathed in his spunk.
Brawny contemplated the strange apparition, opening his mind to the possibilities. "It could be one of those Air Force top-secret projects, like the stealth bomber in the 80's," the possibility was thrown out.
Many of the crew were so engrossed in the smut they were producing, they hadn't noticed this silent, white light movement speeding through the Hicks County sky.
"You might be right," Mister Biggs chuckled. "That George W. is nuts, pouring billions of dollars into science fiction fantasies. Just like his father and Ronnie Ray-gun."
The lower light on the UFO intensified. Large entrances appeared in the center, revealing brighter blue light within the craft.
"That isn't some damn Stealth Bomber!" Lola shrieked. "That's an Invader from Independence Day!"
"Jesus Christ. Where's Will Smith when you need him?" Mister Biggs moaned.
The UFO fired three bright beams of bluish light from the lower rim, merging into one larger beam. It resembled the Death Star from the earliest of the Star Wars films. The intense indigo beam darted down towards the cast and crew of Redneck Hooker Hoedown.
"Oh my god, oh my god!" Lola shivered despairingly. "Please don't kidnap me, extraterrestrial buddies! I'm too stunning to be restrained and ass-probed."
The blue light descended upon the horse pasture, paralyzing everyone with potent psychotropic energy. Crickets fell silent, and the horses and humans all stared up in stunned bewilderment, gazing at a large vagina-shaped hole underneath the ship. The blue light turned out to be a tractor beam, lifting Lola Cabana towards the gaping alien opening. Twenties seconds later, the aspiring porn star disappeared into the luminous bluish depths. The vagina-shaped orifice closed to a slit, and then the entire craft disappeared in a flash, speeding towards the stars at lightning speed.
(Cue the eerie Mark Snow theme music ...)
////////////////////////////////**
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, WASHINGTON D.C.
AUGUST 21st
9:22 A.M.
/
It was a quiet day at the Federal Bureau of Investigation, during a record heat wave. Agent Mulder loafed around in his small office, throwing a series of pencils into the air. Half of them landed in the white pegboard panels, above a poster of an unclear flying saucer above a forest, with the inscription: "I WANT TO BELIEVE."
Pencil-tossing soon became tiresome, so he retrieved the latest issue of Hustler, September 2001, from the desk drawer. A striking ginger seemed to grace the cover, fully naked on a California beach. "Lucy Monroe," similar to a famous ginger comedian and a famous blonde sex symbol. A tiny string bikini top left Lucy's nipples partially visible, with no bikini bottom below. Her vulva was barely covered by her right forearm, with foaming waves lapping her naked ass cheeks.
"Awww yeah, you hot fucking redhead," Mulder breathed. "I want to install my big cock up that tight beach body."
A moment later, someone knocked on his office door.
"Yes, go ahead and come in," Mulder responded, tossing the Larry Flynt rag back in the drawer. Agent Scully stepped into the room with an excited look on her pale face. He had a crush on that redheaded tomboy, admiring her piercing blue eyes, small perky boobs, and haughty attitude.
"Hey Mulder, you won't guess what happened in Hicks County, West Virginia last night. A lady was kidnapped by a UFO."
"West Virginia is brimming with hick yokels claiming to see aliens, Bigfoot, or the Jackalope."
"But hear this. That woman was a porn star, and she was being fucked on camera, right in the center of a farm with horses. They captured it all on tape!"
Mulder's jaw dropped in amazement. "Are you seriously telling me this, girl?"
"This is the real deal, pal. Let's hurry out there before the tabloids get their greasy hands on that tape."
"Hell yes!" Mulder beamed. He grabbed his service pistol and marched towards the elevators with Scully. "Finally, we can 'investigate' some teasing slutty women, rather than our usual X files on paranormal stuff like Jersey Devils and Flukemen."
"This makes the Zapruder film look tame in comparison."
"For geeks who still live in their parent's attic."
"Those losers would have a massive nerdgasm if they saw a porn star ass-probed by ET," Scully grinned. "I'll shove it right here."
"My parents always warned me about the damaging effects of pornography ... but who would've thought it would get me excited about Anal Uranus?"
HICKS COUNTY, WEST VIRGINIA
2:24 PM
*
A pair of detectives pulled up to the strange crime scene in a Saturn Ion. A wide section along the wooden fence was roped off with yellow caution tape. They were greeted by a hefty sheriff who resembled Sheriff Lobo from an old television show. Brawny Manley, August Ryder, and Mister Biggs were there as well, wearing frazzled expressions.
"Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI", Mulder announced with flair, brandishing his ID badge.
"Sheriff McGruff, HCPD. Insane as it may seem, they've kidnapped a blonde porn actress named 'Lola Cabana' by tiny green people in a UFO. She vanished into thin air, in an actual vanishing."
"That's both witty and terrifying", Mulder mused. "The song 'Copacabana' by Barry Manilow comes to mind. He should've stuck to the disco style back then, rather than wasting time on his emo material like 'Mandy'."
"Barry Manilow is terrible", Brawny grunted.
"But back to the bigger picture, we've been filming an amateur redneck sex tape, when this huge flying saucer appeared out of nowhere", Mister Biggs clarified. He then played a recording on a tiny screen, showing Lola taking hits from the fence for ten seconds, followed by her kneeling for the climactic scene.
"Man, that's awesome! I adore sexy redheads who like getting freaky", Mulder cherished. "In my fantasies, I always imagine them with a twist, like in 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'."
"Keep it professional, Mulder", Scully scolded, brushing her red bangs. She and Mulder both desired each other, picturing him in kinky leather while masturbating each night.
"Watch the sky over there", Brawny instructed. "Observe the giant blinking light. The flying saucer is approaching yet we didn't realize it at the time."
The flickering light soon turned into a massive flying saucer.
"Dear Lord", Scully gasped. "That looks identical to the UFO from 'Independence Day'. The military and Hollywood Illuminati are teaming up for a huge conspiracy that is strangling democracy and ushering a new world order using alien technology."
"Be quiet, Mulder", Scully growled.
Lola's naked body began to drift upward toward the enormous flying saucer. Mulder and Scully were both astounded.
"None of us noticed or remember the UFO arriving", Brawny recalled. "We blacked out as soon as the beam struck us, and regained consciousness moments later, questioning what had happened."
"That's common with alien abductions", Scully revealed. "They zap victims' minds with brain-numbing energy beams."
"Look how bizarre this is", August screamed. "I hope the aliens aren't harming Lola at this moment."
"I hope not as well", Mister Biggs sighed. "It's far more likely that they'd contract AIDS, or get murdered by a dedicated fan who desires her."
"Those are enigmas from the X-Files, indeed", Scully chortled.
"Let's take that video back to the police station for safekeeping. We don't want it disseminated on the internet, causing widespread panic", offered Sheriff McGruff.
"Agreed", Mulder agreed. "Let's tell the media that Lola was abducted by a harbinger of angels."
"Those porn stars do love kinky bikers", August joked. "I'll return home now to wash my stripping/porn star outfits. I'll be dancing at Jugg's Jukebox tonight, just as Lola used to. Easing my heartache with work."
"Feel free to come by later, and continue our inquiry", Mulder flirted. August winked, and Scully frowned.
"I'll try some investigation there myself", Sheriff McGruff quipped tongue-in-cheek.
The filmmakers departed the farm, returning to their uneventful daily lives. Mulder and Scully meandered through the horse paddock while a team of forensic experts looked for clues.
"This is absolutely nuts. What could possibly drive aliens to abduct a porn actress?"
"No need to question logic, Scully", answered Mulder. "Does the movie 'Mars Needs Women' not ring a bell?"
"It's a classic, yes", admitted Scully. "Made-for-TV disaster films, like the ones from 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'."
Back in 1968, it was utterly idiotic, but now it appears like pure genius foresight. The Martian alien race experienced a genetic shortcoming that resulted in only male offspring, prompting them to take some earth women to Mars and engage in sexual acts like Wilt Chamberlain. They attempted to repopulate Mars with female offspring in an effort to sustain their species.
A doubt lingered - how could Martian females be fertilized by human sperm? Wouldn't their entire biological systems be diametrically distinct from homo sapiens? Were they made of silicon instead of carbon?
"Stop questioning reality for a moment, Scully."
"Fine, be that way."
The extraterrestrials who kidnapped Lola likely hailed from an incredibly distant galaxy, and they were drawn to this farm because of all the wild outdoor sex. They were like interstellar sharks, sensing pheromones from miles away.
"Fascinating. These little green men are attempting to prevent a mass extinction event...or perhaps they're just intergalactic pimps, searching for busty bitches to sell on Planet X."
"Don't hate the player, hate the game."
******************************************************************************************
ROUTE 97, HICKS COUNTY
8:39 P.M.
***
Mulder and Scully departed the Kawana Diner and voyaged through the countryside, bantering about five decades worth of alien abduction conspiracy cover-ups. Mulder steered the Saturn Ion toward Jugg's Jukebox, yearning for some exciting action.
"All righty, time for some 'intensive investigation'," he beamed.
"I'm a bisexual tomboy who loves indulging in adult movies at home, but going to a strip club and witnessing numerous gorgeous women dance for cash is so..."
"Authentic."
Juggs' was a shady small-town honky-tonk "gentleman's club" with a neon sign boasting their GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! Scully reluctantly accompanied her partner within.
"This was Lola's workplace before she stole a ride on Halley's Comet," Mulder mentioned. It included an odor of stale beer and stale urine, filled with the booming country sound of "How Do You Like Me Now?" by Toby Keith.
They ordered two frosty cold mugs of beer and took seats in the front row of a showroom packed with seedy country folk. A tall busty twenty-something redhead named "Sweet Caroline" gyrated on stage, carefully taking off her tan cowgirl hat, red halter-top, blue denim shorts, and see-through stiletto heels.
"Yahoo, Sweet Caroline!" Mulder applauded, throwing a greenback on the stage. "Good times have never looked better!"
"Her breasts are obviously fake."
"Yes, but they're stunning."
Mulder sighed and took a gulp of his beer. Caroline shook her legs like a performer at Radio City Music Hall, flashing her Brazilian-waxed vagina a dozen times.
"Hear it for Sweeeet Caroline!" the host announced over the speakers. Caroline glided off the stage and commenced seeking customers for lap dances.
"Up next, we have a dirty blonde woman who loves it brash. Prepare yourself for Kinkyyy Auuugust!"
The audience hollered again as "Rock You Like a Hurricane" blasted over the speakers. August Ryder strolled onto the stage wearing a black leather bondage harness that barely covered her nipples and vagina. A spiked metal dog collar hung around her neck, making her painfully appealing. She approached the center stage and used a genuine leather bullwhip to crack it on the wooden floor.
"Yay, August. You're a scintillating dominatrix!" Mulder cheered, tossing another Hamilton on the stage. August winked flirtatiously at him while gyrating her heart-shaped ass and taking off her fetish outfit. Conceding that everything was normal and her best friend Lola wasn't being anally probed by aliens.
Mulder signaled Caroline for a lap dance while August showcased her double D boobs. Cracking that whip and causing a storm. August jumped off the stage a minute later, and Scully tugged at her arm.
"You're mine tonight, Miss Ryder. Let's convert this stage performance into the Party Room."
"Sure thing, Agent Scully. A soothing therapy session on the government's tab."
Mulder and Scully led a group of undressed showgirls into a private room adorned with plush, red velvet chairs, accompanied by an inexpensive adult-themed soundtrack. Scully removed her shirt, exposing her black bra, while Mulder took off his shorts, revealing a pair of red polka-dot boxers. They deposited $40 on a nearby table. The performers immediately started their display, bouncing nimbly on the chairs and writhing against the agents. Mulder's penis stiffened instantly.
"Wow, you're an attractive woman, Sweet Caroline!" Mulder said with a smile in a fake Southern drawl. "The hottest redhead I've ever seen."
"Hotter than Angie Everhart?"
"Angie... who?"
Caroline chuckled softly, then firmly pressed Mulder's arms to his sides and thrust her bare torso back and forth, back and forth, grinding against his cock through a thin layer of fabric. August animatedly dry-humped Scully, placing a leather whip around her neck and using it to help move her.
"I love larger-busted blondes like you," Scully whispered seductively.
"I enjoy fiery redheads like you. The sort who bullied me during recess and then stole my boyfriends."
"Revenge is best when served cold," Scully chuckled.
"Hey, ladies... How about we all return to the Hicks Motor Lodge and learn more about this massive conspiracy?" Mulder suggested brazenly.
"Really, Agent Mulder?" Caroline sniggered. "Haven't you government folk learned anything from Monica Lewinsky's tale?"
"Not at all, red."
"I'm capable of performing a little magic trick for you," Caroline teased.
"I can do the same, Scully," August added. "But it'll cost you $50 each."
"Damn, bitches," Mulder grumbled. "Are you strippers... porn stars... and hookers?"
"The triple threat," Caroline remarked.
"Sounds good to me," Scully growled. "It's time to unleash my inner lesbian."
"Let's leave this seedy establishment," Mulder suggested, taking Caroline's hand and ushering her out of the Party Room, with Scully and August following. They exited as Mister Biggs and Sheriff McGruff entered the room, both accompanied by two naked, large-breasted brunettes.
"Enjoying a break from the 'X' Files, Mulder?" Mister Biggs joked.
"You bet, Porn Titan!"
"Caroline is my go-to call girl," Sheriff McGruff bragged. "She enjoys it rough and has a fixation on feet."
"Thanks for the advice. Go win, Crime Dog!"
ROUTE 98, HICKS COUNTY
9:02 P.M.
*
Mulder drove down a lonesome road, feeling intoxicated from the alcohol and aggression. Caroline remained beside him, pleasuring his erection through his FBI trousers. Scully and August shared a passionate kiss in the backseat.
"Let's rock out, Agent Mulder!'' Caroline exclaimed with enthusiasm. She reached into her bag, retrieved a cassette tape, and slid it into the car's audio system.
"I Feel Like a Woman!" Shania Twain's shrill voice filled the vehicle. "Oh god, I can't stand Shania fucking Twain," Mulder grumbled. Caroline rocked her red head to the catchy country-pop beat. A minute later, she unzipped Mulder's trousers, took hold of his inflated penis, and "rocked" it enthusiastically.
"Holy fuck, I can't believe I'm getting a blowjob at 60 MPH since college!" Mulder mustered in shock.
"Go Hokies!" August shouted from the backseat.
Caroline sloppily sucked on Mulder's testicles, vigorously nodding her head like an experienced prostitute. Scully took off August's top and sucked on her petite pink nipples, eliciting sharp moans from her. Mulder groped Caroline's hair and scraped her face against his crotch with his other hand on the steering wheel.
"You're a talented cocksucker, Sweet Caroline. Keep swallowing my balls like the Washington Bullets!" [Mulder boomed.
As his focus slowly shifted from the road, the Saturn began to veer towards the center line, narrowly missing a head-on collision with a pickup truck.
"Jesus Christ, that was a close one!" Scully exclaimed.
"Forget the motel," Caroline growled. "Pull over and park behind those trees."
Mulder turned onto a gravel driveway and brought the car to a stop in a makeshift field behind a dogwood grove. Caroline got out of the vehicle and walked in front of it. Mulder joined her near a hay bale, leaving the headlights on. She discarded all her clothes and spread her legs.
"Eat my pussy, you fucking FBI agent," she grumbled, indicating her wet, shaved vagina.
"Yes, ma'am," he chuckled. He removed his formal FBI suit while August and Scully stepped out of the car, disrobing as well. Mulder dropped to his knees on the rough straw and began to indulge himself.
"Ahhh yes, that feels so good!" Caroline moaned. "Keep licking my pussy like candy!"
August pushed Scully down on the warm hood of the Saturn, spread her legs wide, and went to town.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! I love how you eat my cunt, Kinky August!"
"They call me that for a reason, bitch!"
She slapped Scully's ass cheeks repeatedly, driving her crazy.
"Oh god, yes! Make it hurt, you whore!"
August slapped each cheek twelve more times, escalating the insanity. Then she knelt down on the front hood and delved her tongue deep into Scully's pussy while sitting on her face.
"Welcome to Area 69, bitch!" August shouted to Scully's ass. She face-fucked the federal agent rapidly and ravenously, making slurping sounds like she was at a 7/11.
"Oh damn, I'm going to cum all over your face! Oh, ohh, ohhhhhh, oooOWAHHH!"
Scully sprayed semen-like fluid all over her face, soaking August from top to bottom. Shrieking her lustful cry to the wild West Virginia night sky.
"You better return the favor, bitch!" August barked. Scully happily complied, devouring August's pussy like a taco from Tijuana. At the same time, Caroline sprayed her juice all over Mulder's face.
"OOOOOOH FUCK!" she bellowed theatrically in the light of the headlights.
"Damn right, you dirty red-headed redneck!" Mulder growled, spanking her soaked ass forcefully. "Get up on that hay bale!"
"Yee-haw, Mister G-man."
She positioned herself on a sizable round clump of scratchy hay bale, spreading her legs and rubbing her clit in slow circles.
"Fuck me hard, Agent Mulder."
He gripped her athletic thighs and forced his oversized cock deep into her tight vagina.
"Ooooooe yeaaah! Fuck my fucking pussy, you D.C. prick!"
He spanked her fiercely, fucking her with wild intensity. Caroline masturbated with one hand and fondled her imitation breasts with the other. Meanwhile, August fingered Penny's clit like a tire iron. They both reached a shattering climax simultaneously, then stopped to observe Mulder aggressively pound her ass.
"I'm told you like getting foot-fucked," he growled.
"Fuck yeah, Agent Mulder. I'm definitely into weird kinks."
He gripped her feet, clenched them together on his penis, and thrust leisurely.
"Faster, goddammit!" Caroline snapped. He hastened his tempo, ramming her meticulously maintained pedicure, relishing the perverse pleasure.
"Alright, that's enough foot fun," she snarled. "Stick that big dick back up my twat!"
"Yes, ma'am, Captain Caroline."
He plunged his swollen cock back into her vagina, controlling her with animalistic fervor. Scully masturbated slowly while witnessing the explicit exhibition of sex. Her suppressed desire for her law enforcement colleague grew almost unbearable.
"I want you to fuck me like that, Agent Mulder."
"You serious, girl? You're about to get fired from the FBI."
Mulder hesitated briefly. "Yeah, fuck the Fed. We're all corrupt, sleazy bastards who can't even catch the common cold."
Scully giggled softly, then bent halfway over against a hay bale, presenting her soaking wet vagina. Tilting her pelvis enticingly.
"Come on, you big pervert. I know you want to jam that thick prick in my fiery cunt."
"Fucking right, slut!"
Mulder grabbed her firm glutes and guided his engorged cockhead against her soft, pink labia, prompting a moan.
"This is what the FBI truly means. Female Body Inspection."
He thrust it completely inside her, causing her to shriek in delight.
"Bang my pussy like you mean it!"
He continued thrusting that maleness into her compact body, snarling fervently and slapping her viciously. This was superior to anything they had experienced, with an abundance of sexual yearning that began when they were assigned to the X Files team two years ago.
"Mostrel that cunt on my cock, red. Jesus, you're such a slutty upper-class girl!"
Mulder slapped her harder, causing her to scream louder. In the meantime, August and Caroline were indulging in lesbian acts, licking out each other's vaginas, penetrating each other with their fingers, and engaging in mutual scissoring against a dogwood tree. Scully climbed off five minutes later and reclined on the Saturn, kicking her feet towards her FBI colleague.
"This piggy desires a muscular man," Scully said sensuously.
"And I, the large wolf, desire that pig."
He clutched both her feet and rubbed them against his dick, dragging them up and down vigorously. He preferred that short-haired Fed more than the busty redhead prostitute. Scully was moaning while rubbing her clit with one hand and playing with her vagina with the other.
"Keep jerking off with my soiled shoes."
"Dirty Scully, oh how I've fantasized about this since '99." "Me as well, kid. Your conspiracy theories make me so incredibly aroused."
Mulder pushed his thick dick between Scully's toe and index toe.
"Yeah, you lech in a raincoat. Fuck me hard with your toes, Scully," she moaned. He replicated the same action with the toes on her other foot, driving her to the brink of insanity.
"Please come all over my feet, Agent Mulder!"
"Not a chance, friend. I'm going to fill your face with my cum!"
"Cum on all our faces!" August growled. She got down on her knees on the grass with straw. Scully and Caroline squatted on either side of her, creating an edible blonde sandwich with gingerbread. They pressed their faces together and opened their mouths wide. Mulder frantically jerked off at August's face, thinking about his favourite scene in the 1998 porn, Flashpoint, which featured a group of horny firefighters.
"Damn, blond one. You're hotter than Jenna Jameson."
"I know you prefer redheads," Scully whispered.
"Come on, Mr. Government Man. Let your load flow!" Caroline growled.
"Oh my god, oh my god, ohoooooup!"
Heavy dollops of semen splattered onto August's large green eyes. Mulder waved his dick like a garden sprinkler, coating both bitches with leftover semen, shouting triumphantly.
"Investigation ended, Agent Mulder!" Scully shone with pride, still jerking frantically.
"Fuck yes," Mulder growled. "Check out all that jism on your faces, you sluts!"
"I'm not a slut, I'm a diligent public servant," Scully giggled. She sucked every last drop from Mulder's huge horse cock, savouring the lingering afterglow. Her lifelong fantasy was realised, and she wished to prolong the pleasure. Never wanting to return to her uninteresting sterile office at 935 Pennsylvania Avenue.
In the meantime, yet another huge flying saucer glided through the starry sky, pausing over the idyllic meadow.
"Oh Christ, no!" Mulder groaned. "How could we have forgotten about the damn aliens?"
"Are you fucking kidding me, you extraterrestrial mothersuckers?" Scully grumbled.
"Give me back my buddy Lola, you pieces of shit!" August fumed, punching her fist at the silver behemoth. A vagina-shaped portal opened at the saucer's base, revealing ethereal blue light.
"What, bitches? What?" Caroline snarled at the celestial body. "I bet you're too goofy to date women at all, so you have to steal them in a drive-by, like wanna-be gangsters."
"Yes, you're fucking inadequate!" August concurred. "I'll bet you masturbate to the alien adaptation of Hustler every night!"
Scully tugged out her service gun, aiming it at the alien craft.
"Shoot, aliens!"
She fired all six bullets from the chamber, but they all bounced weakly off an invisible repulsion field, just as in Independence Day. The energy beam descended on the repulsion field, paralysing everyone with powerful psychic waves. Mulder, Scully, August and Caroline all stared vacantly at the huge spacecraft, drool dribbling from their mouths.
The alien engineers activated the tractor beam, elevating Caroline and Scully towards the ship. The cum-soaked gingers vanished behind a vagina-shaped opening. It turned into a straight slit, and the ion engines roared silently into high gear, pushing the "foo fighter" to Planet X at supersonic speed.
Mulder and Scully stared blankly at the heavens for a minute, with grasshoppers chirping intensely. Their psychic trance vanished, and their faces contorted in shock.
Wow, Caroline and Agent Scully were abducted? August exclaimed. "This is unbelievable!"
Mulder laughed, amazed. "It appears that the tiny green beings have a preference for redheads."
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